She wore her scars like they were her own mistake. And those scars down her leg, like like the cream corn fields that used to come to life every spring time. Her name, well, it wasn't important, anymore. When you're scarred from an age, its not uncommon to lose a bit of your self, a bit of your name. Her name was Anna. But, every afternoon, as she roamed through the corn fields, she was simply the ‘lonely wanderer’. Her legs, succulent, tender like the moist rain that fell amongst the oakwood trees just west of where she used to play every afternoon. But as fast as she ran, countless hours, she couldn’t seem to lose that small scar alongside her right leg. So, it was a painful reminder, the one that was stricken upon her at the tender age of six. She was so beautiful. Deep, long, brown strands of hair, ever-flowing, running past her shoulders, and the way she moved with her teal eyes, like she was touching the angels of the river wild just eastbound of her home. Anna , oh, the northern mountains seemed to watch your every step. And along the way, every tear that came streaking down you’re rosemary shaded cheeks. We all carry a certain angst, a scar that never seems to heal. But, when it happens at such a young age. Well, those rich brown locks of hers have a tendency of slowly thinning away. The loneliest betrayal of ones body; beauty, is the scar that you simply can’t seem to forget. Where someone forged their thoughts onto your lips and simply tangled the sky to their own rapturous delight. There is no deeper tragedy than a woman, a girl, such as Anna to ever be betrayed by human nature. But, that is the art of man. And, well, Anna, she was still running through those cornfields with her rosemary, shaded cheeks, towards a place she hoped would erase what she felt. But you can always run, but you can never run from yourself. So, now matter how far she ran, she always came back to those vivd thoughts, those sleepless nights, where her leg was the first to be touched, and as she squirmed, a slight cut opened. As it healed, it became a three millimeter scar just above her right thigh. A reminder. As if her thoughts didn’t tremble enough on their own; it needed a scar, three millimeters thin. But, she knew. You always know your own body. You can feel your skin rise when you see the sun begin to coast above the sea, or the way it feels to touch the skin of someone you love. Your body knows; it feels. And, Anna, with her precocious mind, was lost. As time passes, the memory always tends to fade. But, it will never leave Anna’s heart completely.
You grow up with love in your heart, with dreams of that ever lasting romance, but it all becomes a bit too surreal when you’re only six years old. She was far too mature for her age because she felt far more than any young child should ever feel. Memories will fade as she gets older, but that resentment, that idealism, the idea of a romance that touches the man she loves, with her linen sheets, cotton pillow, awaiting the nights silence as they rolled into one another. All those feelings; its simply never the same. Everyone has a broken heart; for those who did not, or, either unbelievably lucky, or they have simply lived life. Love knows no boundaries and for that we think were in love most of the time when were simply yearning for a neck to curve the inside of our lips at night. Its not truly love, its simply a label we’ve become enamored with. True love, really true love is when you would die for the person you loved. That in itself is sacrifice and that rarely if ever is felt by the person who “loves” their significant other. Its for the heart of a woman; the soil of the earth - the one who gives life and sacrifices so much. Thats real love. The thought of bleeding than being without that other person. So, Anna, with all of her dreams of a wedding on the sandy pearl white beach, white archway, and vows of absolute tranquility were completely dampened. And that is the most tragic thing in life; the loss of a woman's heart. Its the paradox of nature vs grace, though, it bares no comfort to Anna. For that small scar up alongside her thigh just wouldn't let that evening go. Even the most beautiful of hearts are prone to great strife. But, there is always the chance to fight. The resolve of ones heart; their will power. Many can never overcome it, and whose to say they should? But, some, well, some young girls like Anna, they were destined to beat the odds. To be so magnanimous, that every room she walked into, she stole the scene of the crowd. She was the painter of the white canvass streets, the one who turned corners before they opened. Always spotted at her favorite Cafe Diamoto’ in the West Village - sipping her capuchino, as she observed the droves of people that passed her. Their mannerisms, outfit, the way their hair is parted, pony tailed, or simply freely flowing just above the small of their back. Anna learned to deal with scars, maybe she simply buried them. But, the true essence of life has and always will be love. Life will always be about companionship. It will always be about sharing the moments of elation with the one you love. For, they are so fleeting, so rare. And thats what makes them so beautiful. The pain we endure in life is constant and never ending. But, when you reach that certain point with someones cheek running alongside your right shoulders grey sweater. Well, the air gets a bit thinner, a bit more majestic. Theres nothing like the smell of a woman's hair as she curves into your right side. Complete silence. When two are so at ease, words have no bearing, anymore. Its simply a stare. That first moment you spotted her and she caught you with her eyes. Thats that rare moment you’ll never forget. When you first saw her walk out of her apartment. The cobblestone tiles racing up and down her street - boroughs of trees overlapping the cars parked on each side of the street. We only get so many chances in life. Life is full of pain, but those very few moments, oh, I wish I could take the curls of her hair and wash down the isles f the river where water came to an end. Drying off one another and simply exploring each others bodies, while time had no refuge. When you reach that moment where its simply timeless, as if it could go on forever, thats pure elation. But beyond the sensuality of each others skin, the conversation between a man and a woman is indescribable. Where thoughts are endless, laughs are abound, and those small mannerisms everyone has become more pronounced. But, just to hear her voice against the silhouette of the moon as the evening grows into a deep silence, is simply intoxicating. That soft, yet confident ease; much like the draft of the quiet wind. Theres nothing more powerful than the connection between each others stare. You can never hide behind your eyes, for they reveal everything, every nuance, every emotion. The sound of laughter, even the tears, but most importantly you can always tell when someone truly is undeniably in love with you. Even if that small scar is still barely visible along her right thigh, there still holds a shred of nature that understands the grace of a woman. If a man can’t understand the grace of a woman, he will never be able to truly fall in love. The sacrifice, the natural, indescribable beauty they bestow upon you as the sun rises every morning. Its the way they move, the way their thoughts can seem so more logical at times. For those that give life should never be treated in any other way; simply unconditional love. Even if ones romance doesn’t last, you can never betray the memories that touched you far deeper than you thought imaginable. The heart scars but we move on. Maybe it never finds its way, but to stay jaded towards those you once deeply cared for is simply limiting you in not only love but the understanding of how nature and the great wide skies mean to us. Some people have actual scars, either simply create them. But, there no more painless than the small scar running alongside Anna’s right thigh.
Anna’s tender heart ran thin one July evening, as she had now become a fully grown woman. Her legs had lengthened, her skin became more vividly olive, and those rich brown locks never wanted to leave her. Even if they thinned ever so slightly when she was young. As much resolve as we carry, we all succumb to the lonely heart. The night that takes our optimism and turns into a painful reminder that the silence is the only thing by your side. Anna yearned for love. She loved being in love. Maybe that was because of what happened when she was young, but Anna always had an all encompassing heart. It never waned. It may have faltered at certain times but it never lost its focus. She was still Anna. But, she understood that one always listens to their body. You always listen to your heart through heartache, you know the pain precedes it. So, she began to listen more to her body, and as a tradeoff, she became more selective. You can’t ever change the way your mind and heart thinks as you walk through Washington Sq. Park. Maybe she enjoyed the city life because it voided her of her loneliness, or maybe it was purely because she was such a social butterfly. Regardless of why, her heart was always made for the city. There wasn’t an avenue she walked through where a stare didn’t travel her way. Didn’t travel towards her legs, or her hips. and up towards her brown strands of hair. Autumn beige. Beauty with the scent of light lemon. She was simple, humble, and as always graceful with her light denim jeans and loosely fit flannel shirt. Makeup was rather trivial to her, so she lightly put on some mascara and typically ran out the door. But part of being beautiful is being confident. Besides, a woman without a mask on her face is far more beautiful than the insecurities she spreads across her cheek. Its that small tension she holds onto that she can never seem to let go of. Its her heart, but its far deeper than the soil she brought with her when she was conceived. A woman's rite of passage is clarity. That beautiful epiphany when she realizes who she is a a person. So her heart deepens and then the seasons seem to change under the tide, along the arc of the sun. Its the small channel of the rivera that she first locked eyes with him. In Venice, along the cobblestone tiles, where the alcoves were spread evenly around the passages of water that caromed around the beautiful sea side town. It was where Anna’s heart belonged even if the night sometimes persuaded her otherwise.
It was Spring of 1979, when Anna first met Tomas. That quiet current against the spread of cafes that went for a few miles just east of the ancient cathedral. Where they first locked eyes. Pure, unadulterated silence. For their first eye contact spoke far louder than any semblance of words that could be strung together. Her lip curved just inward, to the right, as his skin began to feel the draft of the wind a bit more, and that was a moment in time they’ll never forget. And when they finally approached one another, it was absolute silence, tranquil, as if the tide had reasoned with the wind to subside for just a few minutes. For they felt something that so few people ever rarely feel - an ease that so few people can feel between one another. As if they never were truly strangers. But, the silence between two people is so foreign; its as if fate had some form of virtuous validity. Spring of 1979; that rare moment of uninhibited elation. The cobblestone tiles still etched against the bottom of her three inch heels. Anna’s heart forever a part of his skin, for the greatest joys in life come at the most unexpected of times.
When Anna was young, she used to carry the right side of her wrists towards the open fields, just so she could feel just even a small semblance of what nature felt like. She was a girl of the wild, someone who felt at home in the heart of the fields and corn rows. The oakwood trees not too far behind, overshadowing her brown, rich strands of hair. Those same strands of hair that her mother Sophie carried as she moved through the fresh dew of grass each and every morning. She had her mothers hair, but her fathers blue, ocean eyes. It was rather fitting; for she embodied both of them, as grace met night, and nature greeted the daylight. Anna’s terribly small scar, that one unforgettable night, was beginning to wane ever so slowly, ever so discreetly, that she was finally emerging into the woman of grace she was always destined to be. That same heart that carried her through the mountain rockies, was the same heart that cried a dozen nights after her mother passed, peacefully, in the dead silence of the night. Its both the blessing and a curse for Anna; her all encompassing heart. For it feels so much around her, but at the same time it tears through its tears far more easily than anyone else. Its Anna’s plight; the paradox of being such a sensitive soul. But it is far more fortuitous to be all encompassing than to be too self-indulgent. So, Anna understood that once the river of her tears would come to an end, she would still be that same ravishing woman she always had been.
Summer of 1988. It was an unusually damp, humid summer, filled with deep beats of rainfall and droves of people hiding out in their small alcoves they called ‘homes’. But, thats the essence of love, how it transcends even the most dire of situations. In the wake of love, you always leave your heart out to dry, to be vulnerable, so, Tomas let Anna have it at the chance of a dream. A chance at living memories that so few people ever even feel in their index finger. Tomas trusted his heart, for he loved Anna, and no combination of words or virtues of stares could ever change that. So, they exchanged their tears, for Anna’s heart was always a bit too frail for her own good. But, its the imperfections of a woman that makes her beautiful. There can never be sensuality between two bodies if its void of moles, birthmarks, or curves to define their inner being. Its that small mole alongside Anna’s naval, or Tomas’s slightly nipped lip that Anna loved as he pressed them against hers every night. For grace has no boundaries and Tomas understood that the silhouette of Anna’s skin was far too important not to treat it with delicacy, brushes of strokes, an ease that tendered the nights query that it may never see the light, again. She was natures arc and for that Tomas was forever grateful. When Tomas touched her hands, he would always notice how small the lines that ran across them were. They were reminiscent of the open fields she ran through as a young girl, with the sun grazing against their skin, until night finally commenced. The lives we live, the lives we never thought we’d be involved in are all of a sudden the shape of our hearts. We rarely if ever reveal our true selves to anyone. And if we do, its a very select group of people. We all take our eyelashes and graze them against the thin wheat fields. Those same wheat thin fields that Anna used to run across as a small girl. When you’re most uninhibited, you’re able to achieve anything. But, we rarely reach that point in our lives. We all have different paths of destiny, and some of us are destined for a much rather short existence. Some of us aren’t meant to be happy in our lives. Its those rare moments in life that you have to hold onto and simply cherish them. Because your destiny is most likely very short lived. Thats the paradox of life. Even those with the softest of hearts aren’t meant to find companionship in their lives. Its the long trail of March that is always the hardest to get through. The month you’re born in, where you were conceived, and there were so many expectations of you. But, we all get older; memories fade, dreams being to flow a bit slower, and eventually we become one with the sea. There’s a moment every summer in Anna’s life where she questions why her mother isn’t still alive, still with her. Where she walks towards that familiar creek near her home and just wonders what could have been if Sophie was still alive. Where the night approaches just after the sun sets, and have those conversations with her mother about the boys she met, flirted, and had crushes on. She was amiss with regret, with those misses opportunities to have conversations with her mother.
She took her clothes off to the midst of the night, with her bedroom window still watching and the thin wheat fields brushing up against the northern mountainside. Her white tank top flowing with the wind and those white, denim jeans, perilous with her small white sneakers. Anna, even with the softest of the hearts, was still strong enough to age with grace. To move on from the ‘what if’s and simply search for a happy medium in her life. Her heart was far often too easy to be taken seriously, so she would touch her left arm and move it towards the rivers cautious wake. He could move himself so easily with this favorite flannel shirt and those slightly torn denim jeans. All he ever wanted was the chance to be in love, to have a companion to ride the streets with. He never cared about money or monetary things. He simply wanted the love of another woman. To be able to touch her skin, to move his fingers through her hair as the sun set through the bedroom window. His heart was waning; it wasn’t as optimistic as it once was when he was a young boy. His hair was beginning to thin, his eyes beginning to dim, and he was finally reaching a climax. Its a cruel world when you have a such a soft, giving heart and you’re one of the very few thats all alone in his life. Thats the paradox. Maybe the scope of your heart isn’t as important as it should be. Maybe Tomas was a bit naive in that regard. Its not always about the heart, its about variables that seem rather trivial but ultimately connect people together. But, there are only so many things you can control in your life. Unfortunately, some things are left up for fate. They’re simply unreachable. So, we have to cherish those moments together, for we know that those other variables that we can’t control, ultimately may be the downfall of the relationship. It is one of the greater mysteries of life; to be so madly in love and then to have complete contempt for the person you once used to hold in your arms. Thats the plight of love; the one thing we still cant seem to figure out. Since the beginning of time, we’ve always yearned for love, but it never seems to last. Very rarely do such romances stand the test of time and thats what makes so enviable. So romantic. We all lose a bit of our heart through the desperation of having a warm body by our side every morning. But, ultimately, you have to keep searching. If you’re lucky enough, you may meet her when you’re first drawn to the opposite sex. But, thats purely reserved for Hollywood. We all live in our dreams, but reality has a way of hardening the heart. Its those with resolve, that ultimately keep seeking it out. And sometimes, we must succumb to the realization that we aren’t meant to be with someone for the duration of our lives. More importantly, we have to be content with such a depressing notion. No one ever dreams or believes they’ll be alone as they get older, but it is something we all have to come to terms with. The plight of love; the plight of Anna and Tomas. How does the adoration of one lover to another simply wane, simply cease to exist after so many years of beautiful romance between both lovers? Maybe monogamy truly is outdated even if the most purest romantics at heart believe in it. Eventually we all become a bit jaded towards the idea of love. But, there has to be a method that works. That allows you to spend the rest of your life with that person you initially fell in love with. There has to be a combination of words that are strung together that keeps the romance going. But maybe love truly has no singular answer to how it works or keeps going. There are so many variables that are out of our control. Maybe it is as simple as the mind wanders and you become interested in something new, exciting, unpredictable. After a while, things can brome rather mundane if you don’t work on your relationship. You always need to keep your partner on their toes. Spontaneity is vital to keeping a relationship adventurous and more importantly, it avoids complacency. You must always surprise the person you love with something new. When Tomas used to live with Anna, he wrote her a small love letter each and every morning, just so she would know he still loved her the same way when they first crossed paths in Venice. It never has been grandiose, it can be as small as a simple love letter. But, ultimately, the love between Anna and Tomas didn’t last. So, again, there is no singular answer to what makes a relationship last. For, Tomas was always madly in love with Anna. But, Anna, well, her mind simply wandered one day. She was still a beautify woman, she was simply human. It didn’t mean she was selfish or heartless towards Tomas. It simply meant she was attracted to other people that she crossed paths with. Love has no boundaries, but in all way that is one of the major catalysts for why relationships fail. When Tomas and Anna first met, they were surrounded by the cobblestone tiles, the shadows of alcoves mirroring Anna’s brown strands of hair, and those hazel eyes against the backdrop of the canals riding through the small town of Venice. But, how do you make that last? The honeymoon phase. When you first meet someone, especially a woman as beautiful Anna, its one of the few moments you’ll never forget for the rest of your life. But, how is it possible for it to simply wane, to fade into obscurity, when you were so madly in love? Its truly one of the biggest complexities of life. And when it does falter, it makes it that much more painful. To leave yourself so vulnerable, only to see it completely collapse in front of you. That is the ultimate conundrum with the theory of love.
In the first five years, Anna and Tomas were inseparable. After dating for two years, they decided to move together. The silence of night has a romantic energy to it, that almost every evening, Anna and Tomas would make love with one another. But, it wasn’t lust. Even when they first met, it had a different tone to it. He adored her skin, the inner makings of her thighs, and the way her naval seemed to be so delicate with its cream tone. She had such a short, slender neck that he loved to gently brush his right hand up against it, as he made his way towards her brown, autumn strands of hair. Theres nothing more beautiful than a woman's body, especially when you’re lucky enough to truly admire it. That very first night, those few rare moments, you never forget them. But, most importantly, you never forget those transcendent moments in your life, regardless of how the relationship ends. Unfortunately, they're far too fleeting. Most of our lives are filled with pain and anguish, but those few fleeting moments are what truly make life worth living. And after every evening they made love, he was always first to wake in the morning and simply observe her. Even though she was sleep, she was almost a canvass lying next to him with her brown strands of hair and those beautiful long eyelashes that trailed along the graze of the sun, was simply majestic to him. To wake up every morning and always know that you’ll be next to the woman you truly love, nothing, and I mean nothing compares to it. No amount of money, substance, or admiration of nature can compare to that elation you feel when you wake up and see her breathing so comfortably next to you. What makes it even for a man, especially for Tomas, was the grace that a woman has, especially the grace that Anna personified. A man can never emulate the grace of a woman. The simple elegance of the way she sleeps so still. Even if it ends in a rather calamitous way, at least you can always hold onto those images of her. The ultimate essence of life will always be companionship; of connecting with one you love. You just wish it could last forever but we all know thats rather frivolous to even entertain. Even if it doesn’t last, you are one of the very few lucky people to be a part of those fleeting moments in your life. There’s something about the suns arc in the morning and the way it grazes against a woman's face that it is so natural; to the point where it is obvious that woman are as much a part of nature like the soil that travels across the wheat fields of the midwest. A man, especially man such as Tomas, never underestimated the beauty of woman, nor the influence she had on life itself. She is the one who gives life, who sacrifices, and ultimately becomes selfless for the sake of both the man and child. When Tomas made love to Anna, he truly made love; he embraced every second, every sigh, the way her hips curved inward, outward, and how their bodies would be in constant motion. When you truly make love to your partner, you appreciate every second. But, lust is an entirely different way of communicating with your partner. One may receive the same pleasure, but it bares very little substance in comparison to truly embracing the skin of the woman you love. But, again, the ultimate paradox of love is it often wanes, it rarely lasts. And that is a very scary proposition. To be so enamored in someone and all of a sudden you’re strangers. As if you had no connection whatsoever. How do such strong emotions fade into obscurity like that? Its such a travesty. You just wish there were a group of words you could string together to resolve the situation. But, once you fall out of love with someone, you’ve forever lost them. But, at the crux of the problem lyes in the fact that “love” is too arbitrarily used. What is truly mean to be in love. Can one be in more in love than their partner? Its a perplexing mystery that no one has yet to figure out. Even if your heart is in the right place, maybe monogamy is outdated. Maybe we simply aren’t meant to be same person for the rest of our lives. But, Tomas, being a hopeless romantic still believed it was possible. Even if that point of view was misguided. All you can do is stay true to your convictions and hope the rest falls into place. You never give up in what you believe in, no matter how much heartache you endure in the process. All of our hearts are a bit scarred, but, like most, Tomas always had great resolve.
But, Alex didn’t mind sacrificing for his daughter because ultimately he wanted to her experience the true essence of love. You have to make sacrifices in life, especially as a father who has such an unconditional love for his daughter. Anna always at least called him once a week to check on him; but she always made a habit of visiting whenever she had free time. It was important for her to keep that relationship alive and to never act like she was ungrateful for everything he did for her. He was everything she possibly could ask for. Sometimes when your love is so strong for someone, even if you have no idea about what you’re doing, you always preserver through the lions that used to crawl under every tree. Anna was adventurous but she still sought out what she always yearned for. Since she was a little girl, she always dreamt about a wedding on the sandy pearl beach with a white archway hovering over them. More importantly than the vows, she wanted to feel like it was kiss a person she truly loved. But, as Anna aged, she realized that was a bit naive. She may have idealized the idea of romance a bit too much. But, everyone has a heart that has been scarred, but its your resolve that gets you through the tough times. At night, Anna used to wander the empty streets, the cafes that people were filtering out of, and she loved observing every move they made. The way men would gently put their hands against a woman's shoulder, or the chatter that came from the cafe just down the block from where she was poignantly sitting. Anna, with all her scars, with all her trepidations from past relationships still had the peace of mind to relax, to sit back, with the sea by her side and simply watch. She was falling in love again with the air that surrounded her, and the memories that used to eat away at her. She still had memories of Tomas in her heart, of the way that met in the back alley next to the same cafe she was sitting in. She could remember it so vividly, now. He had black curls over his white, subtle cheeks and a white tee that hovered over his faded jeans a bit like the white washed brick wall standing next to them. He was just about to light his cigarette, when she leaned over and gently touched his shoulder. She wanted a piece of his shirt; the way it seemed to slide across his shoulders like pieces of yarn. The moon never seemed so bright that night, the way it seemed to gloss over their shadows, as each of them seemed to pause, and they simply began to talk into the whisper of the night. Its odd how life works that way, and Anna didn’t quite understand it. She couldn’t see the night the same way, anymore. She began to trust it more and more for there was a time in her life that she simply wanted to forget it. The night never seemed so real until it touched her with his white tee, her bangs waving across her forehead like shades of hearts on the rose pedals road. She became a woman that night. For even though she always felt like one, it was the way Tomas touched her shoulder, then gently began to rub his fingers against her cheek, and finally they got closer. Very few words were exchanged besides lips that traded silence for the nights kindred spirit.
[This message has been edited by Ron (02-22-2015 08:26 AM).]