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Passions in Poetry

The Music Box

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Bluesy Socrateaser
Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 385
In The Mirror


0 posted 01-19-2014 11:22 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

I found it lying far out along the tree line.
A box made of tin, with what were once colorful painted patterns on all sides, but one. It had a weighty feel and along the bottom there was a winding crank. I studied it for a moment, and then twisted the lever a bit. To my amazement, the box began to play a tune! As it did, the top slowly opened and a ballerina rose to her feet and started to twirl!

Listening to the tune and watching the ballerina dance began to have a calming effect on me, easing me into an almost hypnotic-like trance that took my mind off the task I had yet to complete.

Gradually, the music from the box settled into a very gentle waltz and the pretty ballerina stopped with grace, bowed herself to me and the box then slowly closed.

"A few more shovelfuls should do the trick", I said to myself.

Not to worry.

Once again, I reached for the crank on the little music box.

...just bein' Bluesy

© Copyright 2014 Max Stout - All Rights Reserved
OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 11-07-2005
Posts 8856
Durban, South Africa


1 posted 01-20-2014 02:39 AM       View Profile for OwlSA   Email OwlSA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for OwlSA

This is excellent, Bluesy.  You had my imagination on tiptoes right the way through.  As well as enjoying the surprise of finding the tin and its bright patterns, and then of it turning out to be a music box, enjoying the music and the miniscule ballerina and her twirls and her final bow and sinking back into the box, I was hung in suspense, pondering what your task was . . . was it some innocuous task like shoveling snow . . . or were you burying a body (fictional, of course), perhaps one you had murdered (again fictional, of course), or were you burying a beloved pet.  I hope it wasn’t the last.  Please feel free not to tell me so that other readers can enjoy the pondering.  Perhaps the ‘Not to worry’ and the waiting before you finished the task is significant in this pondering, perhaps not.  I am glad you listened a second time.  

Seeing you encourage critiques, I will say that after having read it, I initially wondered if the title didn't spoil the surprise.  I then decided it didn't because, firstly, I had forgotten the title when I started and so it didn't for me, and secondly it is an appropriate and good title and takes the reader's mind away from the task you were involved in and makes the reader ponder it.  I am glad that whatever the task of the protagonist was, is NOT mentioned in the poem.  It gives the reader a wide choice of filling in whatever he/she would like to.

I also thought the beginning was superb, especially the excellent use of the word 'it' (I don't remember ever having said that about 'it' in 68 years) and the ending was just as effective.

Owl
Bluesy Socrateaser
Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 385
In The Mirror


2 posted 01-23-2014 06:15 AM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Thank you so much for reading my dear Owl!

Yes, I am always open to critique, especially from someone like yourself who pays such good attention to detail. It makes a meaningful difference.

(It's also a great pleasure to hear from you)  

...just bein' Bluesy

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member
since 06-25-2011
Posts 285
U.S , Ca


3 posted 02-02-2014 12:32 AM       View Profile for ponderthepoetorrsx   Email ponderthepoetorrsx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ponderthepoetorrsx

I thoroughly enjoyed it however if it had not been for me seeing part two i would be crying for more, good job.

Richard

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 32059
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


4 posted 02-21-2015 07:27 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

nice...james
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