Member Rara Avis
Durban, South Africa
This is excellent, Bluesy. You had my imagination on tiptoes right the way through. As well as enjoying the surprise of finding the tin and its bright patterns, and then of it turning out to be a music box, enjoying the music and the miniscule ballerina and her twirls and her final bow and sinking back into the box, I was hung in suspense, pondering what your task was . . . was it some innocuous task like shoveling snow . . . or were you burying a body (fictional, of course), perhaps one you had murdered (again fictional, of course), or were you burying a beloved pet. I hope it wasn’t the last. Please feel free not to tell me so that other readers can enjoy the pondering. Perhaps the ‘Not to worry’ and the waiting before you finished the task is significant in this pondering, perhaps not. I am glad you listened a second time.
Seeing you encourage critiques, I will say that after having read it, I initially wondered if the title didn't spoil the surprise. I then decided it didn't because, firstly, I had forgotten the title when I started and so it didn't for me, and secondly it is an appropriate and good title and takes the reader's mind away from the task you were involved in and makes the reader ponder it. I am glad that whatever the task of the protagonist was, is NOT mentioned in the poem. It gives the reader a wide choice of filling in whatever he/she would like to.
I also thought the beginning was superb, especially the excellent use of the word 'it' (I don't remember ever having said that about 'it' in 68 years) and the ending was just as effective.