In The Mirror
To gain an appreciation for my story requires little more than a few moments of your precious time friend.
You have more time than money?
I can change all that in a whiff and a whisker.
Speaking of whiskers, why not pour me a double and I'll tell you about it.
Well, it all started innocently enough this morning as I was taking Wally out for his daily dump. Wallys' my Labrador and believe it friend, when Wally pinches a loaf it don't go unnoticed.
Know what I mean?
Well, so I'm out walking on the boulevard see, and along comes this high-bred, uptown, fancy kind of dame with one of those Peekandsneeze kinda mutts tethered with a leash that could have been hocked to pay off a mortgage!
Know what I mean?
And as I'm sitting here with you friend, there was a collar what looked like cultured pearls around the neck of that mutt. Wally caught me while I was checking out the dish, and made a leap for the Peeker that might have cleared more luggage that O.J ever did!
Well the dame starts screaming and hollerin’ at the top of her lungs in such a fashion that Beverly Sills would have been envious of and me trying to get Wally off Zsa Zsa made quite a sight out there on the boulevard! I stumbled from the walkway to the grass wrestling with Wally who by now was all revved up and slobbering like Kid Rock in Pam Anderson's cleavage! The dame was still shattering crystal when she lost her grip on the Sak's Fifth Avenue leash and fell into the grass next to where I was taking a beating from Wally's wildly whipping tail! My grip on Wally was slipping the more he would sweat, and friend, when Wally was finally free, he raced after that squealing little babe of a mutt like Justin Bieber playing flag football with Selena Gomez!
It was then that one of the city's finest rode up on horseback to see me laying in the grass all covered in Wally's sweat with this screaming uptowner flailing like a skydiver whose chute wouldn’t open! Next thing I knew I'd been carted off to the local pokey!
Well it took a little explaining but they let me go after I paid several fines for everything from no loaf-pinching mutts on the boulevard to aggravated assault of a Peeker! The dame wanted me to cover the cost of cleaning her grass-stained dress and replace the stones in the leash that slipped away with that pug-looking Peekandsneeze!
By the way friend, do you happen to know what the gestation period of a Peekandsneeze is?
How about another whisker?
...just bein' Bluesy