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Eternal Desire
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Eternal Desire |
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shelphs New Member
since 2011-03-11
Posts 5Canada |
She walked about the apartment mechanically, as if she were an intangible spirit, a ghost – one that could not touch the world or be touched by it. I sat on the couch and watched her as I pretended to stare at the TV. It was a Tuesday. We had woken about fifty minutes earlier, she in our bed and me on the sofa. The apparition appeared for the third consecutive day when it emerged from the bedroom and drifted into the adjacent washroom door. I was then walking from the kitchen back to "my bed" with tea. The sight saddened me as it had the two previous days. The jet black hair and pale skin were familiar, misleading, for the eyes were focused, selective, far away and only helpful for the banalities of daily life; they were windows into something I didn't know and fully understand. They weren't exactly hers. I ended the guise and turned my head. The doppelganger didn't seem to notice. It busied itself with getting ready for the day. Without blinking, I stood and moved toward it, to be where it needed to go. The figure stopped immediately before me like I were a ghost that couldn’t have been detected until a chill common to ethereal beings' closeness was felt. Goosebumps appeared on its arms. Stature unchanged, the pale, cutely freckled face stared through me at the duties beyond it. I exhaled. The acceptance of stillness was an indulgence to us both. Yesterday, the specter walked around me. It may as well have walked through me. I said something stupid: "are you alright?" such an innocent question. I played dumb; I showed concern. I wanted to be close again. Her head and shoulders gradually lowered and her chest seemed to have been drawn in by her heart. A few short seconds passed, and as she took a soft, slow breath, sanctioning her breasts outward, her eyes looked up into my own. Her eyes were appeasing; they were open and welcoming in their tenderness. The ghostly features had been filled in. she was tangible again. I leaned forward, wrapped my arms around her and after a brief sense of isolation, I felt the reciprocating comfort of warmth where she held and pushed up against me. It all seemed so easy, to see her and be seen by her. It was as easy as it was selfish. I had forced my doppelganger on her, unable to be invisible any longer, unable to go another second with the phantom of the person I knew. I needed something real. Three days prior, I had always imagined ghosts as lost entities even though I didn't believe in them. I then thought those who saw or gave credence to them were fools; that they avoided life by way of invention. The reality, though, is that the spirit of death can exist within the living. It was within me. It was within her. We were each a lost fancy, a dream, an imposter that reminded the other what was not truly there - what was missing. We were lost. After what seemed like a minute, we drifted back into our own space, our own selves. Samantha's hands rose, palms facing, and she pressed the side of her index fingers against the area where her nose and cheeks flow together. In a fluid motion, she wiped under each eye. "Why did you do that? It was so much easier before you did that," Samantha said in an emotionally strained voice. She looked at me for a moment and then gathered her remaining things and left as she had originally planned. The way she moved was different, though, reminiscent: Samantha remained. Her specter had not returned, but it eventually would, and so too would mine. The blinding force of love was so bright that individually illuminating rays of truth were missed. After our hearts were touched by it, once it was borne into them, the desire for oneness became eternal. The love felt was unimaginably strong and influential and difficult to abandon. It was a treasure to be tightly held. Lessons in pain and incompatibility were needed to become brave enough to lessen my grip and see what I was holding onto, to discern if it was whole, cracked, or broken. Time was needed to learn that the eternal desire could not be realized through love alone. shelphscompositions.wordpress.com [This message has been edited by shelphs (04-22-2011 05:11 PM).] |
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