Grieving for Humpty Dumpty
By Larry Chadwick
And so I knelt down to pray. Innocent in my intentions I wanted to thank the Lord for what he has done for me. Even those things we take for granted came up. Then it was my intent to pray for my family. Our parents aren’t getting any younger and they appreciate knowing we as God to watch over them. Of course our brothers and their large extended families. Leaving out thirty some aunts and uncles would not be right and my sixty first cousins certainly need to be remembered. But most importantly we really want to remember our children. And so it was that I asked God to bless our boys. Right there, right in my face, I was reminded I no longer need to pray for my daughter who has died. And tears welled up from nowhere. I often thank God for the time we had together and for the great memories. But right then I just wanted to be able to pray for her… and there was no point. My prayer was finished with a weak a teary amen so that I might indulge the tears.
It isn’t that we can’t accept the reality of death. It is that God wired our minds for eternity. And so grief has become the burden that bridges time from now until then. We are better for embracing grief, for to deny it is to embrace suffering. Suffering is grief without hope. Why would I chose that? And so I embrace tears as they wash away forgetfulness. And just as the rainbow is that sunray of hope in the rain, so is the smile to my tears. And hope renews by accepting the grief as a badge of honor for having shared a precious life. People speak in terms that grief does not understand. They speak of healing and the benefits of the passing of time. They even speak of mended hearts. But those things should be saved for denial. I choose to meet grief face to face. It is my way of refusing to suffer and avoiding the façade of denial. Hope seems to have connected to grief and despair has partnered with suffering. So I see no sadness in grief but find it unavoidable in sorrow. Healing seems synonymous with forgetting, something suffering would trick you into doing. It doesn’t tempt me.
I have come to accept that the perception of sadness remains when reminiscing or honoring your deceased loved ones. I find it erroneous but forgivable. They were pretty much right about Humpty Dumpty. Nobody could put him back together again. But still I choose to honor the memory of him.
May 31, 2010
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.