navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » Thorns And All 3
Passions in Prose
Post A Reply Post New Topic Thorns And All 3 Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 2009-05-30
Posts 222
Oregon

0 posted 2010-03-29 01:13 AM


Later, as the night wore on and the fire burned low, the two sat huddled against the same log beneath a dark green blanket. Black shadowlings were laying curled asleep all around them. Currently, they were locked in an intense battle. The two were pitted against each other in the fierce combat of an ancient competition long used by people of civilizations to test their mettle. This revered fight…an epic thumb war.
And at the moment they were dead even and both set determinedly to win. Gaze locked with gaze. Triumphant grin matching triumphant grin, the two had been at it for fifteen minutes already.
Their concentration was so complete and undiverted that they didn’t notice the feline shadow that crept up to them and lay down at their feet.
As she felt the sudden pressure on her feet, Tae slipped a glace toward the farther reaches of her legs.
Her eyes widened, she let out a startled squeak, and grabbed the nearest thing… which happened to be the stranger.
The thing in front of her was about twice to three times Tae’s size. It was distinctly feline, but unlike any feline she had ever known. The main color of the beast was black and it had deep, auburn streaks that ran through the fur in savage whirls and patterns. Ethereal purple eyes graced the face with white, shining pupils that gazed at Tae’s eyes with the intensity of a deity passing the final judgment.
As Tae clung to the stranger she saw that the cat-like creature had wrapped its long, sleek tail around her ankle. She tried shaking her leg to get the tail off, but it didn’t work. She shook her leg again and a again; kicking and squirming like an obstinate child who doesn’t want to participate in family pictures. In all of her flailing, Tae accidentally kicked the creature in the ribs. It grunted and growled and tiny, almost imperceptible growl.
Tae cried out and clung on tighter to the stranger’s arm and shirt. She heard laughter so she looked up.
The stranger was chuckling; a deep, rich baritone that spoke of fond amusement. “It seems Audra’s taken a liking to you,” he said.
Tae freaked out. “That thing is your pet?!?” she exclaimed.
“No,” he said. Tae relaxed a little bit. “Audra’s my companion.”
“Oh, that’s better!” Tae wise-cracked. “The scary-panther-monster-thingy isn’t your pet, she’s “only” your—”
“You can ride her later if you want.”
“That would be great and all Mr. Stranger but I—” she cut off, blinking. “You know, I just realized: I don’t know your name. You know mine, but I don’t know yours.” Tae looked back up at the stranger, and then frowned. He was quite persistently NOT looking her in the eye, and fiddling instead with Audra’s tail still wrapped around Tae’s ankle. “What is your name?” she asked.
The stranger was quiet for a minute. “Kuro.” The name was barely the merest hint of a whisper; the barely breathed sigh of a reluctantly told piece of information. Information that could cost something far more important than life itself.
Tae’s eyes widened and she jumped up, backing away. Kuro got up less frantically and looked at Tae with pain-filled broken eyes. “Please,” he begged quietly; desperately. “Don’t run.”
But Tae couldn’t—or wouldn’t—hear him.
She ran.
Directly outside the glow of the campfire, the amount of light dropped down near zero visibility. Thorns ripped at Tae’s legs, arms, and face and very soon small rivulets of crimson were trickling everywhere. Several times she got caught on thorns and every time she could hear the sound of Kuro running behind her. With a cry of rage and fear, she tore free each time and continued on, tears streaming down her face.
Then she tripped. Tae scrambled to get up and continue, but found that she was too entangled in thorns to hope for freedom. Tae wrapped her arms around her head and sobbed.
She was so stupid! She meets one charming, smiling stranger and she automatically assumes that he’s harmless! She spends the night dancing and talking with him, so she automatically assumes that he might care for her and might, just might, be the one for her!
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! She thought over and over again. Babbling on until her thoughts eventually blended into one incoherent, endless, blurring scream that resonated in time with her heaving sobs.
“Tae!” the frantic voice cut through the frantic screams in her mind.
It was Kuro. He came crashing through the undergrowth, drawn by the sound of Tae’s shuddering weeping. As he got closer, Tae tried to get away by scrambling on her hands and knees through the thorns. The fronts of her knees and the pads of her hands by stray thorns as she tried to run away.
Someone grabbed her around the waist from behind and tried to pull her away from the thorns, but Tae struggled causing both of them to fall backwards; Tae on top the person, back to chest. She continued struggling, pushing against them and leaving bloody smears on their clothing and skin, but they held firm.
A quiet, soothing voice sang and cooed in her ear, whispering calm assurances and urging her to quiet and stillness.
Slowly Tae calmed. Her weeping died down to sobs, the sobs to cries, and from there to quiet whimpers that were periodically interrupted by small sniffles. Every now and then, Tae’s frame was racked with shivering trembles that splintered the fluidity of the soft rocking motion the owner of the voice was moving the two of them in.
Tae looked weakly back over her shoulder. Kuro was the one holding her. She tried to struggle a little bit more, but Kuro held tight, sheltering her from the thorns. Tae stopped struggling after a minute and looked back at Kuro as he continued to whisper sweet, caressing reassurances into her ear. There was such a look of loving, caring tenderness that Tae couldn’t breathe. Something twisted in her heartstrings interlacing with the pain that was already entwined and knotted there. Tears pricked like needles at the corners of her eyes. “Why?” she croaked, voice sodden with unshed tears. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because you’re hurt,” Kuro said quietly. Gently, he reached up to wipe the tears that were threatening to spill over her eyes like a flooded torrent over a broken dam.
“Why do you care?” Tae sked in what was meant to be a harsh tone. Instead, her voice trembled at Kuro’s soft touch and she unwillingly leaned into the warmth of his hand at her cheek.
“I can’t tell you,” Kuro said.
Tae looked sharply up at Kuro’s face. His eyes were closed and his brow was furrowed the tiniest bi. Pain was laced throughout his face, etched into the crevices and tucked into the nuances of every small movement; not completely obvious, but not very well hidden. “Why?”
Kuro gripped Tae tighter with the hand that was still around her waist. “Because you’ll run away again, love,” he murmured into her hair.
“But you’re a vampire! I’m supposed to run away from you!” Tae yelped.
Kuro chuckled and the deep sound reverberated through Tae’s back. “But I told you already! I’m not a vampire.”
Carefully, he shifted into a sitting position. Ever-so-gently Kuro slid his left hand on the crook of Tae’s knees and lifted her into his arms. Smoothly, he began making his way through the thorns with a practiced ease. At this Tae let out a surprised squeak and a scowl threatened to take over her features. She opened her mouth as if to protest, but Kuro cut her off. “I know that you know how to walk, but right now you can’t walk.” He let that sink in for a minute or so. “So I’m carrying you.”
Tae snorted in annoyance, but after several minutes she couldn’t resist having the last word. “Anyways, you’re Kuro. The Vampire Lord of the Fields. The Shadow of the Thorns. If you’re Kuro, you’re a vampire.
Kuro sighed. “Technically, if I was a vampire Lord, I would be Vampyr (vam-peer) or their royalty. But I’m not vampire of Vampyr.”
Tae gave him a skeptical look with one eyebrow raised.
“If I’m a vampire then why am I not already sucking your blood? Vampires go crazy at the sight of blood, right?” Kuro inquired. Tae looked down. Her knees and hands were still gleaming with rivulets of streaming, red liquid and all over her body were small cuts that were barely beginning to dry.
“All right,” she conceded. “But if you’re not Kuro the Vampire Lord, then who are you?”
Kuro groaned in frustration, but all he said was, “Here.”

Nothing is more painful than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him. (Unknown)

© Copyright 2010 Melissa Reneé Axtell - All Rights Reserved
JenniferMaxwell
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423

1 posted 2010-03-29 02:54 PM


Enjoying the series very much! Good story line and very well written prose. Well done!
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

2 posted 2010-04-08 10:35 PM


Hey again:
As usual your fantasy narrative is what's keeping me attracted to your writing.  

Try to proof read a bit more.  For example, sked is not a word.  I did understand you to mean "said" of course.  I'm also wondering a bit about some of your diction.  Your narrator uses the word "Stranger" but to hear your protagonist use it as well was a bit jarring:

"That would be great and all Mr. Stranger..."  Of course what other term could she call him?  

As to Kuro himself, you win your reader over nicely with him.  He comes off well as a nice guy and there's even a slight hint of the relationship between Meg and the Beasts in Madeleine L'Engle's "A Wrinkle in Time" developing in your story.  Tae's realization and her anger are touching to read and I found Kuro's almost stoic reaction to it all to be touching.

If Kuro does turn out to be evil you will have done a great job creating the setup.


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » Thorns And All 3

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary