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 Moderated by: Christopher, Dusk Treader   (Admins )

 
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Love, Really

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pen&paper
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since 06-06-2006
Posts 468
0 posted 02-02-2010 02:18 PM       View Profile for pen&paper   Email pen&paper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for pen&paper
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I can tell no great love story.

I was never an underdog risen up to save humanity.

I'm just a girl who has zero to no idea what she's doing.

I'm afraid to tell any story for fear of judgment and condemnation from those who are holier-than-thou.  

I cannot imagine that anyone could actually truly care about what I think, what I notice, what I feel.  

Perhaps...it's a risk worth taking.

Perhaps...someday...someone will give a sh!t.

Or, even better

(for me, worse for them),

they will be able to relate.
© Copyright 2010 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 28606
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
1 posted 02-09-2010 06:43 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael
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Keep going...those that are accepting will accept your story and those that are critical will criticize...this is life...James
ladylisa
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since 04-29-2007
Posts 323
Georgia USA
2 posted 03-05-2010 01:50 AM       View Profile for ladylisa   Email ladylisa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ladylisa
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You are in a place where you can write all your stories, and they will be understood. Keep going.....lisa
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2002
3 posted 04-04-2010 01:38 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007
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This piece is a bit like a poem.  I appreciated the frankness of your speaker.  It would work well as a kind of introductory poem / set of statements for a collection of other parts of your work.

To offer a critique, I wouldn't have minded seeing these lines more fleshed out like short paragraphs perhaps.
 
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