micecollector
Junior Member
since 10-10-2009
Posts 14
Kansas -USA
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0 posted 10-12-2009 01:23 PM
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This is a balmy day, the type of day I would normally be totally in love with, but I’m feeling quite depressed. My spouse says while I have my appointment with Dr. Blomquist that he is going to the Sunset Park and do some writing. I am surprised to find that I feel a bit cheated as I finally desire to savor some time outdoors. I ask if I can please accompany him to the park to do some writing—it seems like a good way to soothe my soul and mind. He is extremely receptive and goes out of his way back home to get paper and pen of my own.
As we drive into the park there are lots of sprinklers displaying rainbows for our enjoyment. I suggest, if Jim has no objections, I would like an area where I can have a full view of the water show. We circle the park again to select the perfect spot. I stroll across the carpet of emerald green blades and seat myself so as to admire the wet kaleidoscope which seems to inspire me to write. I watch a dog romping in one shower. Several times it runs through the jet spray then heads directly at the spout to bite at it. After getting out of the water, it shakes the excess from its shiny coat and walks away with head held high. Then I bend my head and begin writing.
After the first few words I am stumped. Imagine, if you can, how devastated I feel when I raise my head to get more inspiration only to find the water is no longer doing its duty. The city employee caring for the area is putting the final twist on the pipe that runs my sprinklers. Yes my sprinklers, the ones that gave me the VIP invitation to sit and enjoy the effects they had to provide—now, like the variety of green plants, trees, and flowers, I have been dampened. This feels like rain on my parade; my response is to feel very negative.
In my line of work, I hear of people being counseled to challenge their thinking errors and redirect themselves by using positive statements to get back on track. Thus, in my decompensated mood I desperately attempt to find some beauty in the situation.
Instead of feeling like I have just been sabotaged by an innocent park attendant doing his duty, I pretend that like all the plant life which has just received a daily shower and stand glistening in the sun drying to the gentle, cool breeze, I have received enough of the cascade to lift my spirit, allowing me to express my feelings about growth. Clearly botany requires moisture, fertilizer, air, and light to thrive. I am breathing fine, have plenty of light, and I drink water to activate my fertilizer (the prescribed pills) to give me hope. Hope for changing my anxiety into anticipation, my depression into cheer, my ambivalence into careful decision making, and my existence into revitalized living.
I desire to perform like the dog observed earlier. I want to bravely enter the water, bite at it like I am in control of dealing with any obstacle that I face, come out shaking myself in absolute delight of what I have done, and walk boldly into life with my head proudly poised.
I know it will come back to me, but for now I must be patient, allow my inner self to reconnect with my outer self, and coddle and console myself as much as necessary in order to regain my strength like a certified survivor.
© By Juanita (Hotz) Guernsey
September 10, 1998
In God we trust and one nation under God
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