The Rambling Improvisational ramblings of Adagio in Mourning

adagio
Member
since 03-19-2005
Posts 453
Marrero, La.

0 posted 08-22-2009 10:14 PM

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It's been two and a half months since Leah died. No one loved me like She did.I have been told that time will heal my wounds.I know this will sound selfish, but I have lost the greatest part of my life.She was my Wife.,My Life ,My reason for living.Now hear comes the cleche: A BIG
part of me died along with her.It was the way she smiled when I came home from work, It was the sparkle in her eyes when She saw me come through the door.Time will heel my wounds? well when?

I still Love her and miss her and I am still hurting.Time is NOT healing my wounds.

To come home after driving that taxi all day and not to meet her greeting is a nausiating feeling.

Some days I cannot even bring myself to face my customers.I JUST LAY ON THE COUCH ON THOSE DAYS AND WATCH OLD MOVIES. The kind that bring me the comfort of familiarity. Old T.V. shows like M*A*S*H* where I feel like I know all the people like family.I really do not have any real family left, and only a few real friends.

When you get
to the end
of your rope
Tie a knot
and hang on
even though
you are sweating
and you're getting
dust in your eyes
don't you despise
those at the top
how they got there
is their own affaif

just hang on
'cause you must
so they tell me
I have faith
but it's wearing thin
I can barely see it
through the tears
every minute
of every day
that goes by
I still cry

adagio (still in mourning)

fractal007
Senior Member
since 06-01-2000
Posts 1955

1 posted 08-24-2009 03:51 PM $View Profile for fractal007$

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Pretty heavy piece. I don't know that I would have centered the text like that. Still, if the speaker is you I am very sad for you.

You might have tried for a bit more creativity in your acknowledgment of your cliches. (I think that's what you meant by 'here comes the cleche'.)

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 18057
Between the Lines

2 posted 08-24-2009 04:30 PM

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Ralph, I don't know how long the mourning goes on...I have lost my father, my sister, her husband, and my closest Aunt through illnesses, all within a few years and I think about them every day when certain reminders spring forth.

I still have a husband whom I will always love, although we live apart, and cannot even imagine what you are going through. Losing him by his leaving after 30 years of marriage left me devastated.

I can feel your loss through your words and two months is still a deep time of grieving.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 28710
Gaia

3 posted 08-24-2009 04:51 PM

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Hugging you, knowing no words will take her place, not in a million years. That's a long time....which none of us really gets.
Be strong and secure in knowing you were one of the few who seems to have had a 'forever' love....one who truly knew what love meant and offered it to you daily.
It's OK to mourn....it's part of the healing process, and no one can say how long that takes for each individual.

Mysteria

Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 18097
British Columbia, Canada

4 posted 08-25-2009 12:18 AM

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Ralph, for some the mourning never ends, it just changes. This I know all too well. One day it just happens, then you realize it is way better to celebrate the time you had with them in life, rather than feel the loss of something gone that perpetuates the ache. I can only hope you find a healing place to keep her with you always, but also find a way to move on, as I am sure she would have wanted that for you.

Take it one day at a time, and lean on friends and family to see you through.

Alison

Member Ascendant
since 01-27-2008
Posts 5049
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

6 posted 08-25-2009 12:48 AM

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adagio,

There are no words of comfort that a stranger like myself can offer - they all sound like platitudes. I will say though that you wrenched my heart. Your pain is raw and it swept me along with you. I wish I could say something to help. Just know that I believe when we write of someone of someone we love - we offer a small piece of that person to those who read about that person and to those who open their hearts to that person. I believe all who have read this carry a tiny bit of Leah in our hearts.

You are in my thought.

Alison

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 63791
Listening to every heart

7 posted 08-25-2009 02:43 PM

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Loss of a beloved is something that can only be embraced. It is nothing one can hide from; every sound, every tick of a clock, every memory of one's laughter or touch...all will be remembered.

In the beginning it pains one...later, though noticable, it is a passing pain; even later, we think of what our beloved would want us to do. That is when our healing begins.

And it takes time for everyone, Ralph. It's not tomorrow, or next week.

You've been given all of the platitudes. Now, you will begin to wonder what Leah would have wanted for you. I think I know. But only you will be able to tell me if she is right.

I think you and I know that her spirit is watching over you. You are her forever love, but still, she will guide you to such wonders.

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