The Lonely Child - pipTalk Forums

Elias Nevermore
Member
since 11-03-2007
Posts 107

0 posted 08-19-2009 03:03 AM

Inappropriate content?

A child cries out in the corner of her room, "why, oh why, am I alone?", yet no one can hear her plea. So she yells a little a louder and expects that something will happen. Yet again the response is silence, which drives the poor child crazy. Thus the child calls out for help with all her torment and misery. She screams at the top of her lungs, "someone please save me", yet no one answers her plea. So she sinks back into her bed, and feels her emotions crush her, for their weight is unbearable. Slowly she stops breathing, and soon light escapes her gaze. In desperation she lets out a final whisper for someone to hear. She says, "Is anyone there who can help me". As she slowly fades away, an answer arrives her. Her sight is returned to her, and she is blinded by a bright light. "I am here, and I am listening", says a voice out of the white expanse. And that is all the child ever wanted.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;" -Edgar All

Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 282
In the silence, in the shadows

1 posted 08-21-2009 03:43 AM

Inappropriate content?

Alright, first of all, who leaves a child alone in some random corner? XD just kidding!

Anyway, this is pretty straight-forward. The kid's pretty lonely (maybe even scared) so he (or she) cries out. But his (or her) cries are unanswered, so he (or she) tries again. But no answer.

I guess sometimes we have to quiet our own voice to hear those of others. However, I hope our situations don't become as desperate as that of the kid in the story before we're answered...(That would suck).

Hmm, good one man. But again, it seemed a bit under-devoloped compared to ur usual style...Although I recognized ur allusion to God in this scenario, ur normal tone (usually dark or cynical) was almost non-existent. Maybe ur trying out different things? Or maybe its just been a while since i've read ur writing...Lol, still. Good to hear from u again!

There is power in the pen.

Elias Nevermore
Member
since 11-03-2007
Posts 107

2 posted 08-21-2009 05:47 PM

Inappropriate content?

Lol, i decided to tone down my cynicism for this peace, for the simple reason that I didn't want it to take away from the main focus of the poem.

I wanted the poem to highlight the girl and her trouble, instead of focusing on the dark ominous feeling that they emit.

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