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Escape
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Escape |
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rad802 Member
since 2008-04-19
Posts 279KY U.S.A. 
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There I was sitting beneath the sewer system drainage port. Strange as it may seem, I had once again escaped from them. I moved for a moment only to be discovered by a sensing device. Turning and darting in an hysterical run in a vain attempt to once again escape, I by chance find a long dimly lit corridor. Hearing only the footsteps of the bloodthirsty guards racing towards me from all conceivable directions, I take to the corridor in chance of possible passage. Racing towards what I find to be the end of such hope, I find myself in the midst of thousands of rows of glass cannisters. As my mind spins in an hysterical venture of freedom I spy a cannister containing the remains of a late great friend, pickled in his own juices. A worthy legacy is the irrevocable consequence of dreaming. Rick A. Delmonico |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
The end of this little vignette is chilling. Still, however, I would have liked to see more detail. Also, you mix tenses quite a bit. You began your story in the past tense and then continued on in present tense. Life's short. Think hard! |
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rad802 Member
since 2008-04-19
Posts 279KY U.S.A. |
The past tense is because he had been sitting there for a while. I made a mistake that I cannot correct at this time. It should say, I move for a moment (present tense). When it gets to "turning and darting" it sort of shifts gears and takes off. I wrote this onto a sheet of paper in 1978 and then at some point lost it. But I remembered it word for word and rewrote it from memory, recently. The pickled in his own juices came from Monty Python. A worthy legacy is the irrevocable consequence of dreaming. Rick A. Delmonico [This message has been edited by rad802 (08-15-2009 10:03 AM).] |
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