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Elisa

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KatKali
Member
since 01-03-2008
Posts 62
Where the wispers grow louder


0 posted 02-09-2009 03:44 PM       View Profile for KatKali   Email KatKali   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for KatKali

I found this little girl on the side of the street covered in mud and crying. She said her mother and father pushed her out of the car and never came back she’d been there for a month now. Her sister was still in the car because they decided she was the better of the twins and they only wanted one child. Her sister cried to their parents for her back, my story seemed similar but I pushed that to the side, after washing her up she was an eight-year-old with long curly hair tied in pink ribbons. I managed to get the stains out of her dress, which was ivory, trimmed with light pink lace. She had big brown eyes like a puppy and looked starved to death, but no matter how much food, drinks, or even sweets I put in front of her she didn’t touch a single thing. I gave up and decided she could eat tomorrow. We ended up playing video games, with my old dollhouse, and I even taught her how to sow. We did this and watched videos till dawn then as I got ready to bed I yelled for her to get the nightgown off my bed and wear it. She called for me to come out into the living room after I was done so I did; she was standing on the balcony but she wasn’t a child anymore but a woman of my age. I was shocked and asked how it was possible. She replied “I’ve always wanted to see you again, but I had to wait till you moved out, Karen.” I cried as I realized this was my twin, Elisa, who was pushed out of the car at a mere eight years old. She said she died a month later and hoped I would forgive her for being selfish and seeing me. After saying that she just faded away…
© Copyright 2009 Abigail Arnold - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 06-01-2000
Posts 1972


1 posted 02-15-2009 11:11 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Not bad.  Not bad at all.  The fantasy and morality tale here is nicely drawn.  I've always liked short and to-the-point as well.  Aphorism and vignette are my favourite styles of writing.

Life's short.  Think hard!
Me!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 28238
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


2 posted 10-23-2009 07:05 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Fine writing...James
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