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KatKali
Member
since 2008-01-03
Posts 67
Where the wispers grow louder

0 posted 2009-02-09 03:44 PM


I found this little girl on the side of the street covered in mud and crying. She said her mother and father pushed her out of the car and never came back she’d been there for a month now. Her sister was still in the car because they decided she was the better of the twins and they only wanted one child. Her sister cried to their parents for her back, my story seemed similar but I pushed that to the side, after washing her up she was an eight-year-old with long curly hair tied in pink ribbons. I managed to get the stains out of her dress, which was ivory, trimmed with light pink lace. She had big brown eyes like a puppy and looked starved to death, but no matter how much food, drinks, or even sweets I put in front of her she didn’t touch a single thing. I gave up and decided she could eat tomorrow. We ended up playing video games, with my old dollhouse, and I even taught her how to sow. We did this and watched videos till dawn then as I got ready to bed I yelled for her to get the nightgown off my bed and wear it. She called for me to come out into the living room after I was done so I did; she was standing on the balcony but she wasn’t a child anymore but a woman of my age. I was shocked and asked how it was possible. She replied “I’ve always wanted to see you again, but I had to wait till you moved out, Karen.” I cried as I realized this was my twin, Elisa, who was pushed out of the car at a mere eight years old. She said she died a month later and hoped I would forgive her for being selfish and seeing me. After saying that she just faded away…

© Copyright 2009 Abigail Arnold - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

1 posted 2009-02-15 11:11 PM


Not bad.  Not bad at all.  The fantasy and morality tale here is nicely drawn.  I've always liked short and to-the-point as well.  Aphorism and vignette are my favourite styles of writing.

Life's short.  Think hard!
Me!

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2009-10-23 07:05 PM


Fine writing...James
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