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A Beautiful Disaster
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since 2007-01-13
Posts 409


0 posted 2008-06-21 03:32 PM



   “Is it worth it?” – Marissa said quietly to herself, looking at the dark night sky with eyes, full of tears. Tears of love. Tears of sorrow. Tears of remorse.
   “Is it worth living if the most important part of this play, called life, is missing?” – she thought.
   Marissa, the only main character, but not the only writer of her life’s script, had been writing this part for years, but the one who was supposed to actually play it on the ‘stage’ strongly disliked it. She had always known that and tried her best to rewrite it, being more and more careful with every attempt. But Adrian (that was the name of her hero – hero, and she was not afraid of that word, sounding proud and obliging him to what was not characteristic of him at all, which Marissa could certainly see, but preferred to keep her eyes closed to) was harsh – possibly, he was afraid of the responsibility, afraid of playing that most important part badly and ruining the whole play.
   These bitter thoughts were instilling the feeling of sadness, completely impossible to overcome. Swallowing her tears, Marissa came closer to the window and opened it. The coldness of the severe wind, so refreshing, waving her hair so that she looked much more lively and even more beautiful, brought her to life for a moment.
   When Marissa calmed down a bit, she closed the window, laid herself down on the sofa, hid her head under the blanket, which gave her an illusion of hiding from the whole world and its endless cruelty, and said with a note of genuine sorrow in her voice:
   “I wish I’d fall asleep and never ever wake up.”
   Didn’t she know how careful one had to be with words? A word is something that has a great power – it can save a life or completely destroy it, it can never be taken back, so the imprint it leaves is always tangible.
   Sure she did. But if she said something, she seriously meant it.

   Marissa was sleeping all the night long. All the next day long. Another night, another day.
   And in a week’s time she was deep in her sleep.
   But nobody even knew. How would they find out if they were hardly ever interested in what was going on in her miserable, full of solitude, life? Yes, indifference can really kill any living soul.
   However, there was one person who seemed to be not so careless. His inner voice had been desperately trying to tell him something, but it wasn’t possible to make any words out… except one. And this word was “Marissa.”
   This person noticed that the windows of her house had been dark for all this time, and the atmosphere around it had been rather weird and even deadly.
   Yes, this person was Adrian.

   Late in the evening, when Adrian happened to pass by that house again, something urged him to stop. He came closer to the door and rang the bell. No one answered. He rang again, more persistently this time. But there was still no reply. Then he knocked at the door with more strength than he’d ever thought he had and suddenly noticed that the door wasn’t locked.
   Adrian stepped inside.
  “Marissa!” – he called.
  “Marissa, dear!”
  Silence.
  “Marissa, are you there?”
   She wasn’t.
  
   This all seemed to be much more than just weird to Adrian, but he managed to keep his temper. He went upstairs, right to Marissa’s room. Seeing the lady lying with her head covered with a blanket, he rushed to her, pretty sure something was wrong with her.
   But she was completely fine. Even more than fine – blissfully unaware. Unaware of everything that was taking place around. And… unaware of her beloved sitting right next to her.
   Adrian pulled the blanket away and stroked her face tenderly. He wanted to look into her deep beautiful eyes that had always had that mysterious shine (which had been just constant tears… if he had only known), but they were tightly closed.
   He took Marissa by the hand and held it tightly, as trying to say: “Don’t worry, I’m here beside you!”
   She did not react in any way.
   For a moment Adrian got frightened that she was dead, but he suddenly realized it was no way possible – her hands were warm, he could feel the pulse (however, very low) in her veins, he could hear her quietly breathing.
   Adrian got completely lost. He couldn’t understand what exactly was happening. Marissa was lying there, not dead yet, not alive already. No, she couldn’t be pretending, Adrian thought – no human being was able to pretend so truthfully.
  “Marissa… - he said with a note of frustration in his voice. – Marissa…”
  “Did you call me?” – said a well-known voice behind his back.
   Adrian turned his head and almost fainted at that very moment. Marissa was standing in front of him, with a sour expression on her face, in the same short white dress as the ‘living corpse’ was wearing. He turned his head to the bed again – the ‘living corpse’ was still lying there.
   The mysterious twin came up to Adrian and took him by the hand. She looked exhausted, but very charming and lovely at the same time. Pulling his hand, she made her way to the mirror, hanging behind the back of the sleeping lady. Adrian was too frightened to resist, speechless to wonder what the hell was going on. Unwillingly, he followed the twin. When they came up to the mirror, she said firmly: “Now close your eyes.”
   Adrian obeyed. Suddenly he stopped feeling the ground under his feet. This lasted for only several seconds though. The well-known voice told him to open his eyes, but when he did, he couldn’t see the twin anymore.
   Adrian found himself in Marissa’s room, only it was really different from the room he had been in several minutes earlier. The bed stood in the other corner, it was carefully covered with a plaid; there was an ideal order in the room – this is how it had looked several months ago, when he had been there for the last time.
   On the table papers of miscellaneous sizes and shapes were scattered. Having made sure that there was no one else in the room, Adrian started reading everything that was written on those papers. There were mostly love poems, all of them were devoted to him, and he had certainly read all of them before. He recalled only several ones when reading, however, all the other ones appeared new, and so, even more interesting to him.
   Reading all those pieces, he was amazed by the depth of the words, unusual metaphors and the sincerity of each word, each phrase, by the neat and beautiful handwriting. With a great feeling of pride he thought that this all had been written only for him.
   The words that were crossed out were of a particular interest for Adrian. He was very much surprised to see how hard it had been for Marissa to choose the right words. All the pure confessions and honest revelations that had scared him so much were replaced with the sentences that seemed more neutral… seemed, but never were. The deep meaning was only not lying on the surface, it was hidden deeply, so that it sounded not so frightening.
   On several papers there were the lady’s diary notes. And there had been absolutely no need to cross something out while making them – she had made those notes just for herself. Adrian hesitated really much before reading the notes, but he thought that if he had been brought there intently, and the papers were right in front of him, he had to read them for some reason. He thought it could help Marissa somehow, and his conscience let him take the papers.
   Each of the notes was about him, as he had expected. His emotions at that moment were complicated and rather contradictory. He was greatly delighted that despite all the pain he had brought Marissa (and he realized it pretty well then) not a single word of anger was said about him, everything wrong that he had done was understood, justified and, what is more, forgiven. The sentence, which stated that Marissa had forgiven him for everything, even for what he had not done yet, touched his heart really much.
   At the same time he was still frightened by her strong devotion, by love, overwhelming her. He realized that she was a human, just like everyone else, she also had feelings, she could get hurt no matter how strong she was.
   Having got that thought, he suddenly caught sight of Marissa, sitting on the window sill. She was no longer in that white dress – she was just wrapped in a large towel; she looked much more desperate than ever; she was crying bitter tears, which turned black from her mascara, but even that did not lessen the enigmatic beauty of her face.
   The song that Adrian and Marissa had listened to together for a thousand times started playing, Marissa began crying even more, Adrian also burst into tears. He stretched his arms to Marissa, going to hug her, but he just couldn’t feel her in his arms. She was there, but she was a wraith. She was invisible, but she was real.

   “I’m sorry, Marissa…” – was everything Adrian could say.
   As soon as these words – the main words - were pronounced, he found himself beside the lady’s bed again, only in front of the other mirror – the one that was hanging in front of  still sleeping Marissa that time.
   Her twin took Adrian by the hand again. He closed his eyes promptly, not waiting for the twin to say anything. They moved to a completely unknown place that time, the twin disappeared again.
   Adrian looked around and saw a room, perfectly cleaned and furnished. There were lively posters on the walls, beautiful flowers everywhere.
   Suddenly a lady entered the room. Again it was Marissa, only she looked a little elder and much, much happier.
   With no words, they moved towards each other slowly and kissed gently.
   This time they felt the warmth of each other’s arms. The lady didn’t appear to be a wraith anymore.
   And Adrian understood that Marissa was real, as well as her feelings.
   Which meant he accepted her as she was, with all her grace and all her flaws.
   He realized she was the only one who’d be with him till the end – through everything. She was the only one, able to understand him. To actually support him in everything. To forgive everything. To see the real him. And – the most important – to love him, giving all of her heart, soul and faith to this true, eternal feeling.
  
   …Adrian was sitting beside the bed of Marissa while she was still sleeping. And he knew what to do to bring her to life again.
   He leaned to Marissa and kissed her gently on her lips, saying: “Forgive me, please. Everything will be fine now. I’m with you.”
   Marissa opened her eyes, looked at Adrian with love, hugged him close to her heart and whispered to his ear: “I know.”
   And they both knew it very well.  
      
    

© Copyright 2008 April A. - All Rights Reserved
miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
1 posted 2008-06-30 07:08 AM


a very enjoyable read;!

miscellanea

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