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Chow Baby! |
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Jaime Fradera Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843Where no tyranny is tolerable |
I am writing this on Braille Note to make sure it comes out right. If you moods want to "get" me for opening my heart, for washing out my tears in public, I plead guilty; and if you want to lock me in solitary for fifty year of darkness I am ready, and you can come and get me now. My dearest an ominous friend. I am writing you on here to avoid blowing out your inbox and get around your cranky server and the evil cyber grimlins. I am interpreting your preciously honest mail that you wrote to say that it is time to say good-bye. If this is mistaken, then I am sorry that I am mistaken, but concluding it must mean good-bye is the only way to stop the swirling turmoil in in my heart. I stand to be corrected about this but I have no information. When you told me in your frank and forward way that circumstances have changed now, it gave me a solid clue that there were too many demands on your time and your attention, that another world is drawing you farther and farther away. If this is true, I hope you know that this is perfectly acceptable to me. It is enough for me to know that you are free and happy there, and know you need's worry a whit about me, and will just keep writing and I will be writing Jaime twaddle. This closure talk is very familiar to me (at least I think that it is closure). In each case we talked, it was understood that we would not have the time there use to be, that there might not even be time for personal regards, but always there would be a sacred bond and a special, timeless love. As you recede beyond the halo I can write you, I recognize the world has changed and maybe it is time to say aloha and shalom. But I have few details, no inform, other than what you wrote to tell me, and I creatively imagined did that mean that there was no way to write each other any more, no poems or sugar cookies, no birthday cards, no cyber hugs, no time for those things now, for there are others, so many others in this world who lie in hospitals and doorways because nobody cares about them, because they are dying of no illness, but for the lack of love we always share. Again, I stand to be corrected, but have we talked? Did we talk? Do we need to talk? Are you too busy now? Can we set a time when rates are low to telephone? I want to hear you I can hear a little bit? Is it even okay to talk? Do you want to talk? Have I just forgotten everything? Without information, I must conclude that you are too remote now, and the rest is not going to be my business. And how shellfish of me :complain at the table of life just because they forgot to bring me the manna I already ordered straight from heaven? Or maybe it was selfish from the menu? But in any case, whatever has happened or has not, thither you are still there or not, you could bring no more precious treasure than the love and joys you so freely gave to me, the way you changed my diet and my life, all those trinkets still sitting on this desk, how you listened patiently to the tedious twaddling and my meteoric dreams, how you knew not to tell me I was crazy or I would have returned you to the freezer up in Anchorage, the valentines, the candles that we bought, the talk-a-thons that ran for entire days and nights, the tangerine dreams you let me see through your own enchanted eyes the detailed and endless emails from wherever you were living that ran on and on for years, and how you even let me cook for you, and how many sighted people would ever let a deaf-blind person cook for them and make them coffee in the draining and debilitating heat? ... ... And I am still looking ...And do you no how much priceless treasure there is down in the archives--where there will always be new birthday cards, and chocolates, and experiences the value of which nothing else could ever equal on this Earth? I don't know what they will demand of me in January. Will I even have the chance to tell you? Is there somehow some way to bring Mother Goose back to life again? I'm so discouraged about everything. And if you are indeed passing from my life, even as others enter it, and just in case you still have time to read me, I'll just log off and say good-bye, Aloha, Shalom, and Chow baby chow baby chow baby Chow! BTW: and every now and then, I'll check the doof if you are there, in case you'd like to whisper luscious and lascivious things into my damaged and imperfect ears and bring enchantment to my eyes again ... NO CARRI |
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