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he said she said
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he said she said |
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7 Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113Amherst, MA, USA |
People are always telling you shouldn't feel how you feel. "Was that a finished-the-book sigh?" Yeah. "How do you feel?" Jealous. "I knew you were going to say that." People are always telling you things you already know, and when you tell them you know they assume you're lying. I always wish I had thought of it first. And a lot of the time I did think of it first, which is a whole 'nother story. "That's just silly." I just feel so defeated, y'know? Like everything I could possibly write has been written before, only better, and-- "I'm not jealous when I listen to Miles Davis." Because how can you feel something when you know you shouldn't? ...and everyone's read it but me-- "We shouldn't be jealous of our teachers." I know. And how can you know something when you don't know what it feels like to know it? "You don't know, or else you wouldn't be jealous. If you're jealous it stops there and nothing else comes of it." Well that's just not true. This is the story of the two greatest regrets of my life. But don't think of it that way. Nobody wants to read about everything the writer wishes he or she could take back. But those times when I did what I knew I shouldn't do are the only memories I have that could possibly serve as foundations for exciting plots. "You don't have to light a cigarette every time I do." You inspired me. Sometimes old wishes flash in front of your face like a cigarette lighter. And if you're lucky you forget everything that's changed since you wished that. "I really wish you'd quit." I really wish you'd quit too. On the other hand, I'm not exactly ecstatic about the thought of watching the most painful events in my memory fall painstakingly to the page as I stare and cringe but can't look away. Besides, how can I possibly connect the dots? Certain things happened too close together. So much so that they don't even make a good story because there's no buildup, no downfall, just a bunch of sh** all happening at once before anyone has a chance to move their eyes around and take it all in. Whoa. "What?" I just found a letter I wrote three years ago in this book. What if I put someone in my story who doesn't want to be there? "No wonder she never wrote back." |
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Kalle Member
since 2007-10-15
Posts 89Finland |
The elusiveness of it excites me no end |
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Clang Member
since 2005-12-15
Posts 222 |
Interesting. I had a similar conversation with myself once. I thought about writing about a bittersweet, and painful time in my life. I'm glad I came to realize that doing so would affect other people, people who may now have families and other loved ones. Although interesting elements of my story would not reveal themselves for years, it still didn't make writing it right. I believe we have a responsibility in this life to not hurt others. Having the ability to write something doesn't necessarily mean that writing it is right. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed reading this...James |
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