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Cool Springtime Breeze
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Cool Springtime Breeze |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
The cool breeze of a springtime morning unsettles me to wake. Stretching and drawing breath for the energy used in rolling over. I lie on my side and smile until another small dream overtakes me. Overcome with anxiety of the day I throw myself out of bed And into the kitchen for a morning coffee The visions of the dreams linger in my dreary mind as I try to place them in order. Overcome with a certain melancholy as the visions take hold I gaze in wide wonder. Dismissing the imagery I preoccupy my mind with the ramblings of a Sunday edition and try to envision a world where sex is candid, drugs are cheap and the Oilers can win the cup (Oh wait, that last one is a possibility) With the force of a tsunami wave the morning enlightenment leaves my fragile spirit as I realize my predicament that all those dreams have some truth to them. I feel alone as I try to find a good article to read but become disappointed when Ron Arbuckle is just as depressed as I am. A slight chuckle escapes my lips as I have a sadistic sense of humour which brings a smile to my face. I force myself to get up I prepare for the day but I do so with a heavy heart. Will I forget why I feel this way today? Will I have a new reason to express my emotions? The answers will never come unless I try so I open the door, draw a fresh breath of air and walk out into the world not knowing what to expect. But all the while the dream where I am trapped in a lightless room crying for help is in the back of my mind. I try to forget but am overcome with grief. The day passes and once again I wake in the cool breeze of a springtime morning. This is another day to struggle to make peace with my ravaging soul. Unorthodox mabey, but I grow on you. |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I loved it.. it made me visualize what was happening through the whole story.. great job..  ~Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Heh, I loved this one. The grammar could use a boost, but the subject matter was awesome. I love it when I have a dream that stays with me during the day. As for the ravaging soul, why is the speaker's soul so fiery? Is he perhaps a sexually unfulfilled young man? I'll give u one example of where things could be cleaned up grammatically: quote: This is a sore thumb, grammatically. |
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byski Member
since 2006-01-26
Posts 235Alberta, Canada |
Yeah I see what you mean, I read it over the next day and was embarrassed. Changing from pre-tense to post-tense a couple of times and some obvious work on the structure. But you are right on about the description, my soul burns with passion.  |
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