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A Glass of Water - 1 paragraph story for a crea wri class - any crit greatly apprec.
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A Glass of Water - 1 paragraph story for a crea wri class - any crit greatly apprec.
| Passions in Prose |
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A Glass of Water - 1 paragraph story for a crea wri class - any crit greatly apprec. |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
A Glass of Water What wouldn’t he give for a glass of water? Anything sexual was game, yes even guys. What about eating strange things? Sure, as long as there was a tall glass of chilled H2O waiting with which to wash down the mess. Any of his possessions were of course forfeit, and his family, well he wasn’t close with anyone who was still alive so screw them. What else did he have? Well his sanity was just about gone anyway so sure he would give that up – that about covered it; everything except his life he supposed, but then that would defeat the purpose wouldn’t it so that did not count. What else? Well, he had a soul according to his mama, but she was dead, and what a time to be thinking about her old preaching anyway? Here he was crawling in God only knows what direction with the sand burning his skin off of his hands and he was contemplating his soul. Well to hell with it, he wanted that glass of water and to hell with his soul if he had to trade it to get it. Yeah, right, that did the trick. There was Ol’ Scratch preening in the sun holding the best looking frosty glass of water he had ever seen. With his last bit of strength he drew himself upright reached for it only to fall flat on his face again in the scalding golden sand. It filled his mouth and he did not even have the strength to blow it out, there was no spit with which to spit it out. Ha! Even the Devil himself is nothing but a mirage, oh well. He somehow flopped his head to the side and looked up at the sky, but it was full of dark flames not clouds and everything he had ever been afraid of was descending on him. He had not the energy to scream. Well, I’ll be damned mama was right. Then he heard a beautiful voice say, “That was a rather apt way to put it.” |
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| © Copyright 2006 Zaheer Abbas Ali - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
It filled his mouth and he did not even have the strength to blow it out, there was no spit with which to spit it out. Ha! Even the Devil himself is nothing but a mirage, oh well. ditch the word 'even' and even (LOL) the oh well! more action/drama less philosophizing make him REALLY drag his whole body through the hot sands, make him feel like a lobster in a pot of...boiling water hehe, the irony alone would be precious |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
exactly the type of crit i need - thanks! and please, the rest of you - hit me! cheers. -majnu |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
lol i have more but need to refill my ahem...glass of tea wishing it would be wine but am out and too damn tired tonight to drag this butt to the store for more so will you settle for a tea leaves reading?  |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
as long as you are reading the story and not the leaves...  -majnu |
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A Glass of Water - 1 paragraph story for a crea wri class - any crit greatly apprec.
