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Passions in Poetry

There was a note on my bed when you left - 4

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Kaoru
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since 06-07-2003
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where the wild flowers grow


0 posted 11-05-2005 05:37 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Kaoru


There are times when conversation becomes silent and psychic. When electricity combines two people, like elements, some meld together so perfectly, others..well, you know..

The clock winds so quickly..days, months and years can go by..without words that have substance, without love or desire...we felt that, for awhile, we lost that..

"Sometimes, I still feel the scars burning.."

"As do I, but it's over now.."

"My mind won't allow me to forget things so quickly..it's not that I still feel anger, all that's left is memories and guilt.."

"Well, it's simple, cease to feel.."

"That's impossible, you know that. I am incapable of being numb, that's our only difference.."

"But you know I still love you.."

"I still love you, too."

"Why do you feel guilt, then?"

"Because I forgot for one instant, for one moment..that is enough for me."
© Copyright 2005 Meghan Armitage - All Rights Reserved
skoolyardturtle
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since 06-28-2005
Posts 96


1 posted 11-07-2005 08:42 PM       View Profile for skoolyardturtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for skoolyardturtle

beautiful

I want life in every word, to the extent that it's absurd.- The Postal Service

Annie78
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since 10-03-2003
Posts 460
here then there then back here


2 posted 11-09-2005 01:43 AM       View Profile for Annie78   Email Annie78   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Annie78

did you ever capture what goes on in my head at times...this was great
Annie
Lexy
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since 01-28-2003
Posts 1049
California


3 posted 11-19-2005 02:17 PM       View Profile for Lexy   Email Lexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lexy

simply beautiful.
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


4 posted 11-19-2005 09:13 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

When I looked at this at first, I thought that it did not belong here.  Indeed, from the outset it looks like a poem.  I believe some may construe it as such!

But let's look at it as prose, since this is the prose forum.  When I thought it was a poem I chastised myself, realizing that what you are doing here is a lot like an experimental prose form I've been wanting to try.  You've taken two points of view and clashed them together in one prose piece.  

About this note:  The piece acts as a dialog but it is a dialog written in the style of the note.  I don't know if you did this intentionally, but as the responding voice speaks I get the sense that the narrator is trying to formulate her response to the note.  It's a dialog on paper.

The only problem I have with this is that it's too short.  I wish you'd draw it out more.  

I like the bit about forgetting for one instant.  Perhaps you could flesh that out a bit more too.

Any idiot can see that the result is true.
-- argumentum ad idiotum
Me!

pictureme2
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since 11-13-2005
Posts 194


5 posted 11-21-2005 11:54 PM       View Profile for pictureme2   Email pictureme2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for pictureme2

I liked how this was written, however I have to agree with a previous comment. Draw it out a bit. I wanted to read more!
Nice job.
pictureme2
Kaoru
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where the wild flowers grow


6 posted 11-22-2005 02:18 AM       View Profile for Kaoru   Email Kaoru   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaoru

The only explanation I have is that there are 3 more parts that came before it..all here in the prose forum.
Walter Poe
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since 10-13-1999
Posts 756


7 posted 03-15-2014 09:52 AM       View Profile for Walter Poe   Email Walter Poe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Walter Poe

This piece (in toto rather than as a single part) reminded me of a short story. Like an old Science-fiction story. A single conversation but spread over periods of time. Each piece an instance yet distant from each other while intertwining interesting.

I aint as good as I once was but I'm as good, once, as I ever was. - Toby Keith

JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31884
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


8 posted 04-12-2014 08:28 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

enjoyed reading this...James
 
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