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7
Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA

0 posted 2005-10-26 05:24 AM



Dear Hazel and Juliette,

I want you to know that I respect and admire your daughter as if she were my best friend. Maybe she is my best friend at this point, or at least she was. I have never touched her. I have never wanted to touch her. I would never touch her, except to pull her out of the path of an oncoming train. After the train passed I would have released her immediately. Two months ago she boarded a train that had been sent to mow me down. By giving me no choice but to follow her, she saved me.

Did Claudia ever tell you that I used to have a twin sister? Her name was Marada, and she died when we were twelve. I see in Claudia my childhood and Marada’s. When I spend time with her I remember what it was like to have a sister, and I remember what it was like to be a child.

I also want you to know that I don’t see my relationship with Claudia as fatherly any more than I see it as sexual (which, I assure you, is not at all). You might think that I felt I was doing some sort of social service by giving a kid with two moms a father figure, but believe me, the thought of being a father figure (much less a father) at this point in my life (I turned twenty-three yesterday, December 4th) does not appeal to me in the least. If it did, I’d want my own son or daughter, or I’d want to adopt a child who had no parents. Claudia has two parents. And I am not one of them. I never was and I never thought of myself that way.

I also want you to know that I want to be a teacher, and that my conversations with Claudia in the coffee shop inspired me to make this decision. Helping her with her homework (which she didn’t need much help with), listening to her explain her thought process as she drew pictures, and asking her questions about The Diary of Anne Frank (has she finished it yet? If she has then that’s really impressive for a nine-year-old) made me think of how great it would be to talk to kids all day instead of steaming milk for bitter tourists. It’s weird, the day after I started looking online for teacher certification programs, Claudia randomly asked me, “Why do you waste your whole day pouring coffee for people when you should be working at my school?”

I also want you to know (I guess I should stop writing that and just say what it is that I want you to know. I mean, obviously I want you to know or I wouldn’t put it in this letter) that what Hazel witnessed that day on the sidewalk, when she punched me (which was the first time I’ve ever been punched, by the way, and if I may say so, Hazel, you’ve got an amazingly good arm) was not in any way a case of me touching your daughter with intent to injure, molest or otherwise hurt her. I grabbed her arm because Toby had just put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She allowed this because she thought he was a nice guy, but I refused to allow it because I thought he was not. I don’t know what I think of him now, but I know he shouldn’t have been touching her.

The purpose of this compilation of letters is to attempt to convince you to revoke the restraining order. I’ve started letters to you almost a hundred times, at least once a day since I moved to Boston. Each draft sounded too formal, too legal, too removed. The only way, it became clear, I could possibly hope to amend your impression of me was to explain my friendship with your daughter. Because that friendship was extremely meaningful to me, I may be sending you a tall stack of papers. I hope you read them all, and as you do, please try to trust my story and believe my intentions. And if Claudia finds out that you’ve heard from me (I’m sending this to Juliette’s office because I didn’t want Claudia to see it when she went to the mailbox), I beg you to tell her that I like my new job, and that I’ve been dating a nice woman named Allison, and that my apartment is smaller than my one in Maine was but needs a lot fewer repairs. And it’s up to you whether to tell her this, it’s up to you whether to tell her anything, but please also tell her that I miss her and I hope she is happy. I hope you are happy as well. And I hope that someday we can all be happy in the same room.

With humble sincerity,

Caleb Cassidy

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no i will NOT wait three seconds!

© Copyright 2005 Paula - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2005-10-26 10:12 PM


7, what an interesting write. Was this for a school creative writing assignment?
7
Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA
2 posted 2005-10-27 06:13 PM


not exactly. it's based on my senior project (at hampshire college it's called a div 3), it sort of picks up where the other one left off. but i graduated last may so it's not for school, but it makes me kind of feel like i'm still in school, which is a lot less awful than i thought.

anyway, it's the 1st letter in a series that wasn't going to be very long but i've written five letters now and it's just starting to pick up, so maybe this will be the first really long thing i'm proud of. i was thinking about posting more of the letters but i didn't want to scare people off with a lot of reading. what the heck tho, i'll post the second one.

i hope you enjoy it

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no i will NOT wait three seconds!

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
3 posted 2005-10-27 08:26 PM


Paula,
I like your creativity. Something I'm not good at. I did child protective service work so you're touching on topics I have life experience at and find your write interesting. Thanks for sharing.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

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