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The Curtain Next Door
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The Curtain Next Door |
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LoveBug
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Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697
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This is kinda long, but I hope it's worth the length  _________________________ Since he left, I’ve been more reckless than usual. I’ve never been the safest driver, but I’ve been much worse these last few months. I felt as if I was flying in the face of God, for taking him away. If God wanted my big brother dead, when he was just driving safely on a sunny Saturday morning, then hell, I might as well do whatever I damn well please, since it doesn’t matter anyway. Apparently we die whenever God feels like having us die, so I figured it didn’t matter if my speedometer read over 100 every time I drove. So yeah, I’m in the ER now. Don’t worry, I’ll live. I broke a rib and a collarbone, they think, but I’ll live. Fan-freaking-tastic. My car is a mess, but I can fix that. Money was never an issue in my house. I go to university down the road, it’s a good school, an expensive one also, but I never had to worry about that sort of thing. I get decent grades, but I’m not doing as well as I was at first.. Like I said, anytime the Big Guy says... it’s futile, really. Solomon knew his stuff. I’m laying on a cot in a curtained off area. My parents will be here soon. I called them myself so they wouldn’t be afraid that history had repeated itself, but they’ll probably be fairly pissed when they bother to show. I think they’re thinking along the same lines. After Rich died, they just distanced themselves from me and each other even more than before. Why get close when someone could die tomorrow? I guess they’re smarter than I gave them credit for. I’m in some pain, but it’s not too bad. Once the insurance clears, the doctors are pretty liberal with the morphine. I’m feeling a bit woozy, but I’m not high. I’ll miss classes today, but nothing too bad. I hear a bit of a commotion in the hallway, and perk up to listen. “Oh my God, will he be ok?” “We just have to look at him, Mrs. Markey, please let the doctors do their work” Through a small part in the curtain, I see a small baby being wheeled into the curtained area next to mine. He looked a little less than two years old, and he looked pretty banged up. I’ve never been crazy about kids, never had a real motherly intuition or anything, but the sight shakes me. I’m surprised by my own reaction; since the funeral, I’ve been pretty numb. Good things, bad things, nothing registers too much.. But that baby, he shakes me. Most kids his age are annoyingly loud and active, but he lays still, not crying as the doctors prod him. I come out of my morphine haze a bit. No, I didn’t hit another car. I hit a bridge support. I didn’t do this... for some reason, I feel like I’ve hurt this kid. I hear a light ‘beep, beep, beep’. They must have hooked him to a monitor. I remember that sound all too well.. How that beeping slowed and slowed, until Rick slipped away... He never woke up. I wonder which would be worse.. I wouldn’t want to know if I was dying. We were all there.. I don’t know if he knew, but we were there with him. I wonder if this kid will be ok.. “He’s stable for now.” “What happened?” “Some kind of freak accident. The brake slipped on the stroller and he rolled down a flight of stairs” Great job, Big Guy. Fantastic! You let a baby roll down a flight of stairs before he knows how to catch himself. I’m surprised to find tears in my eyes, I quickly wipe them away with my good hand. “Mother and Father are here now. I’ll go brief them” “We need to get him to X ray to see what he broke. His rib, I’m sure. Maybe his little collarbone too” I shudder. Where the hell are my parents? Where the hell is my doctor? I want to get the hell out of here. I lay back as the little heart goes ‘beep, beep...’ The sound lulls me to sleep. It’s a strange comfort.. Such a little life, a little heart, fighting to beat for the next moment. But he’s surviving, and so I sleep. I wake up as a large crash occurs in the baby’s area. I sit straight up, realizing too late that I am injured. I cry out in pain and lay back down. A nurse rushes in to check on me. “I’m ok, just woke up with a bit of a start and hurt myself”, I say. “Sorry you’re having to wait for the doctor for so long. He’s tied up with a difficult case” She turns to leave “Nurse? Is it... that little baby?” “Why yes, it is a small child next to you that he is occupied with. Poor thing, he has some bad internal injuries, it turns out. His little rib broke and punctured his.. Well, it’s serious, but the doctors are getting ready to take him to get it repaired. I’m sure he’ll pull through. He’s young and strong” She doesn’t sound so sure. I let her leave. I still hear the timid beeps beside me. Are they weaker now? Slower? I sigh.. This kid had an accident, got the same injuries as I did, but is way worse off. I got my injuries by being an idiot, he got his for no reason. Here lately, I’ve been having lots of thoughts... now that I think about it, maybe I was driving right for that bridge support. Maybe. I don’t know if it was a suicide attempt as much as it was a game of chicken with God. I guess they’re basically the same thing. So yeah.. I guess I did do it on purpose. I hear whispers next door. “Son.. It’s Mommy and Daddy. We’re here and we love you” The man’s voice speaks, while the lady sobs. “We love you a lot, and we know you’ll be ok. We know that Jesus is right here, taking care of you” As sad as I am, I nearly laugh out loud. If they knew what I knew, that I got away with, basically, a suicide attempt with broken bones, while their baby might die, they may think otherwise about what they were saying. “It’s time to move him”, they say. I hear them walk out, the faint ‘beep, beep’ rolling down the hall and out of earshot. So yeah, God. Why’d you do that? Why did I live and why might that little baby die? Huh? Why’d you kill my brother? Come on.. I’m older, I’m basically an idiot, I wanted to die, I guess I still do. So yeah, why’d you do that? I lay back and close my eyes. I don’t know why I’m expecting an answer, but I see something else. I’m in an operating room, while doctors and nurses operate on a little baby.. It is that little baby! Shoot, this morphine must be strong. In a corner, I see a young man. He is dressed in normal street clothes, but he looks very different somehow. He shouldn’t be in there. He isn’t wearing any scrubs or anything, he’s just standing there, watching. Every so often, he walks up and touches the baby’s head, and then puts his hand on the doctor’s shoulder as he does a delicate move with his tools. Wow, this is messed up.. What I see next is even stranger, and scarier. I see my brother’s funeral again. Maybe I have died and gone to hell... I don’t know what’s going on. I’m seeing from some outside perspective, because I see myself, tears in my eyes, but standing upright, looking more angry than anything. My parents, clinging together, for once... and that man again! He walks among the guests, placing his hand on a shoulder here and there, and approaches my parents as well. He approaches me, but at the moment where he is about to touch me, I turn away and look out into the sky. He sighs and approaches the coffin. He reaches his hand in and pulls my brother out.. My big brother, the one who carried me on his shoulders and beat up my boyfriend for cheating on me, and who ran to church afterwards, knowing it was wrong. He took this man’s hand and walked away with him. I open my eyes, my cheeks wet with tears. I sit up again, more gingerly, but still causing some pain. My ribs have been wrapped and my arm placed in a sling. I guess they put me under something.. So it was all nothing more than some kind of morphine trip... but somehow I think it was more... because I feel immensely different. All my anger has melted away, and I’m glad to be laying in this bed, as painful as it all is, because I’m still living. I know that I wasn’t touched because I turned away... but I won’t turn away anymore. I go home and come back a few weeks later to have a check-up. In the bone doctor’s waiting area, I see a small boy. He is in a cast and has to be carried, but he grins at everybody he sees. I grin back. Good job, Big Guy. Love's a lovely lad |
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| © Copyright 2005 Erica N. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Well an interesting read and a completely different view of death than my experience has taught me. But hey, we're all different and you're still a good writer. Thanks for the read dear girl. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'll be back, ERICA! [This message has been edited by Sunshine (06-27-2005 10:32 PM).] |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Shew, get my name right :P hehe Glad you enjoyed, Larry, even if you don't approve.  |
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