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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

0 posted 2005-03-07 08:36 PM


From this little bit of dialogue you can tell a lot about the characters, where they are and why...

**


“Geez princess, don’ look at me like that! I gotta sit here, it’s the only seat left. Do you think I’d sit across from you if I could help it?”

“You should just go eat your breakfast in the toilet, that’s where your kind belongs.”

“R..i..g..h..t…..Ha! You think I’m stupid so I won’t know what you mean by that but I’m not. I know what you’re callin’ me. Just because my daddy didn’t pay for a fancy private school don’t mean I’m dumb. I know more way more than you.”

“Right! You learned alright. Learned how to sell yourself just like your mother!”

“Shut up!”

“It’s a free country. If you can’t stand to hear the truth…”

“Just shut the hell up about my mother ok? You don’ know nothing about her so just shut the hell up and shove some food in your mouth! I hope you choke you skinny-ass princess. And you should talk. At least what my mom did was to put food on the table for us kids. Your mother sold herself to the highest bidder for a wedding ring and a maid!”

“You bore me.”

“Look at me when I talk to you! You’ve been on my case since you got here. I never did nothing to you, why are you always raggin’ on me?”

“Let’s just say I’m allergic to vermin.”

“You’re a cold one. Bet your daddy was real surprised when he couldn’t buy your way out of that coke conviction. By the way, your nose is running…..”

“It is not. And it wasn’t mine.”

“Right. It was the maid’s…”

“I’m innocent. My father’s lawyer will have me out of here soon.”

“After three weeks you’d think he’d done that already. What’s he waiting for? A two-fer? Maybe daddykins will get arrested for stealing company money and you can BOTH do time.”

“Your class, or lack of it, is showing. Next time you have to sit across from me here, please use deodorant, I’m tired of looking at your sweaty pits!”

© Copyright 2005 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
Michelle_loves_Mike
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189
Pennsylvania
1 posted 2005-03-08 08:24 AM


place....breakfast time in jail

person #1(the vermin)....a young lady that has gone to the school of hard knocks,,,and is locked up due to prostitution.(I'm guessing to live day to day)

person #2(the princess)...a spoiled, "poor little rich girl", that has been bailed out many times in the past by daddy dearest, but,,sits waiting longer than usual in lock up, due to being caught in posession of cocaine.

Seems the "vermin" is hitting a little too close to home with the "princess" .

No one really cares,,why should I?

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
2 posted 2005-03-08 08:57 AM


Sharon, are you talking to yourself again?

ahaha sorry . .  had to , let me digest this a bit more.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

3 posted 2005-03-08 02:52 PM


Heh, I enjoyed this Sharon,
I saw what MichelleLM saw, two chicks doing time in Gaol, (one for prostitution and the other for possessing coccain) bitching during breakfast time.

Great work

Maree  


and i knew in the crystalline knowledge of you
~Buckingham/Nicks

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2005-03-08 03:49 PM


I read this last night, and I thought it was great then, and I am still admiring how you maintained the characterizations, as one of my pet peeves of dialogue is the monotony of reading

"blah blah blah," she said.

To be followed predictably by

"Oh yeah, blah blah," he replied.

(That sort of format grows tiresome for me to read and rather insults my intelligence as a reader.)

I never thought it necessary to keep designating the words to the characters.

You did a fine job of educating us as to how to avoid that pitfall.

I'm curious too, as how to handle switches from things said in the past, as well as punctuation, as at times, quotes are used to indicate things other than dialogue.

So here's a for me again, and some for you.

I think you've offered us a superb example of dialogue here.

Well done, m'friend!

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
5 posted 2005-03-08 08:40 PM


*slapping self in side of head*

My God, I thought you were trying to do the Maine fisherman, cheerleader thing here and I have been reading going . . . I don't see it . . . *smile*

God, yes, I echo all above . . .
when I went back and read it, I saw exactly that, Sharon.  And to write all dialogue and make sense is so very hard.

Beautiful job!

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

6 posted 2005-03-09 11:23 PM


Yes, in a cell with a permanent membrane!  
It IS easy to visualize who your characters are, where they are, and a little of their backgrounds.  

I enjoyed the challenge you put forth.  Thank you. It was a trickier exercise than I thought it'd be, but just the same, it was a lot of fun.  

           sadie

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