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~DreamChild~
Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544
in your dreams

0 posted 2004-12-09 10:53 PM


  No smack needed to wake this baby. He's had enough "smack" during his gestation. A mere four pounds four ounces made delivery a breeze for the strung-out mother who was already high twenty minutes before the labor began. by the screaming of the child's first feign fit, doctor's anticipated the worst.

  
  The child's fear and anguish, compounded with insatiable hunger for some unknown chemical balancing make Richard's first days in this world a living nightmare. The beginning of his life is
not going to be warm, and secure. It will be cold, hard, and scary. He may not even make it through the torment of these next two weeks. His tiny lungs gasp for air, and a monitor beeps quietly.

  His future rides on the wings of prayers, at flight upon winds of God's will. Tomorrow may be bleak for young Richard, but it could be no worse than the day at hand. Today is his birthday. This is the worst day of his life.

© Copyright 2004 derrick gillum - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

1 posted 2004-12-18 08:14 PM


This is a very powerful piece.  You really conveyed the sense of helplessness this child faces with passion.  

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Copperbell
Senior Member
since 2003-11-08
Posts 956

2 posted 2005-01-08 01:47 PM


I agree, very powerful.
CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member
since 2003-07-16
Posts 248

3 posted 2005-01-11 08:17 PM


compelling and powerful. Nothing more i can say.

...wow.

_ker

Trillium
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098
Idaho, USA
4 posted 2005-01-12 12:23 PM


Very sad!

Betty Lou

Betty Lou Hebert

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
5 posted 2005-01-12 09:11 PM


An unfortunate amount of truth in this well done piece, my friend.

jwesley

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
6 posted 2005-01-13 03:51 PM


You pack your pen with power.  The truth holds much intensity...  This is a gripping write.  
                misc'e

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