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Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand

0 posted 2004-12-04 01:08 AM


Hello everyone, this is my first post in this forum, as it is the first time when I am actually happy with my story writing. I am posting quite a few paragraphs of this story which I am currently working on, it is written from two different perspectives and well, if you would like to read more, I have written more. Comments and suggestions are greatly welcomed, Thank You for reading.

Hollow.
Courtney.


Hayden
You know what annoys me the most? Friggin’ people. It’s apparently never good to answer the question in the first sentence…but you know who probably said that? A person. Not just all people, but those types of people, the one’s who couldn’t care less who you are. I’m not stereotyping, well, trying not too. Especially her. Her, the great one everyone falls on both knees for. The Juliet for every Romeo. Not saying she’s all that bad, she’s pretty and that, her eyes are nice, and her hair is long and silky. I’m not getting soft on you or anything. She’s pretty much perfect. But she’s a person. And I can’t stand people.
I can see her now, from my window. She’s smiling that melting smile, her hair dances across her bare shoulder blades. She doesn’t wear lip gloss like them other’s. She’s not like them other’s. That’s probably why I hate her the most, because she’s different, and she doesn’t get ****  for it. I’m different and I get hell on earth.
I’m not complaining. I can’t really complain much, my parents didn’t choose this life for me. If they had chosen, I’d be beautiful wouldn’t I? And smart and lovely and kind. That’s why I hate people, they can’t breed right. It’s not fair. But nothing is, everyone is biased and unjust.
I can’t keep hating her; she didn’t choose that life for herself either. Still, if there ever was a day we could hurt without consequences. I’d hurt her, Riley.

Riley
Janna looks at me, her gray blue eyes wicked, and it’s like a western showdown,
“Coming, Riley?” She says in her sweet sickly I’m-so-innocent voice. I snort, not loudly or anything, daintily and popularly. Regaining composure I return the smile.
“No thank you, Janice, I’m busy.” Janna’s turn to snort. She jabs a manicured nail into my arm, the flab wobbles, but I’m too smart. I’m never busy. But what she has planned drives me crazy.
“The gym would be lonely…” She pouts.
“The gym or the guys?” I retort, saying this only to make her feel okay about herself. Janna doesn’t go to the gym to meet guys, like Rae and Lexy do. She goes to get thin. Not that she doesn’t look like a Barbie doll already. Janna sighs, and flicks her bleach blonde hair casually over her shoulder, as though she doesn’t mean for it to send Elliot into fits of nervousness and pride. Elliot straightens up, and looks around to see if any of the other guys have noticed him with Janna.
“Whatever,” She mutters, glancing at the magazine she bought. Elliot looks uncomfortable. He always does. I don’t know what Janna sees in him. But to be honest, I don’t know what Elliot sees in her. She’s the worst possible girlfriend, but she’s beautiful. And when you’re beautiful, nothing else matters, you’re accepted.

Hayden
The doctor stares at me. I stare back, challenging him. He tries not to break his gaze. I nearly burst out into laughter. But that would cause them to think I’m, crazy or I’m not. I don’t want to be either. I could stare for much much longer, but the doctor disappoints me. No one is a worthy opponent anymore. They give up too early.
“Well Hayden…” He sighs rather too exasperatedly. It’s all for show, he doesn’t expect more from me than I do of him. “I don’t know what to do with you.” I cock my head, like an interested puppy. He pauses, for great effect. “What do you think we should do with you?” I can’t help it, I giggle. He shakes his balding head. As he does his glasses slip down his nose, that’s when I notice the beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. I look surprised. That pleases him. A reaction! Jump for joy. He thinks he’s accomplished something. He also thinks I’m frightened of him. I’m not. I’m surprised I stress him out so much.
“No, no, don’t worry, nothing is going to hurt you.” He smiles cruelly. His dull eyes sparkling. He means…as long as I start responding.
“As long as you start responding, can you do that for me Hayden?”

Riley
It’s the worst day of Rae’s life. That’s what Lexy moaned, down the phone as I rushed to get dressed for school.
“It’s awful, Riley, so awful and tragic.” I hung up on that, desperate to know. Pathetic, that’s me. I was expecting something like, someone in the family died. But no, Samson, her beau is moving to Christchurch. She’s over the top. Seriously. Tissues are stuffed in her face from every which way as the people who so desperately want to be her friend offer comfort. I stand back, and wait for the crowd to pass with Elliot and Samson.
“What happened?” I ask Samson, meaning why isn’t he the one with his arm around her shoulder. Samson grunts and shrugs his shoulders. That’s all he ever does, I wonder if he wrote her a note to tell her he’s moving. Or maybe he’s so emotionally caught up with the whole prospect of leaving her; he can’t talk because he might cry. But that, I highly doubt.
Samson is a big guy; you can’t see his eyes, ‘cause his mop of jet-black hair falls past his forehead. He’s pretty tall, but not only that, he’s solid too. Rae suits him, she’s tall and solid, but he’s taller and more solid than she is. Rae’s Maori, and Janna pretty much only chose her for a friend because she’s reasonably smart, reasonably pretty, but she’s really good at netball.
“Why don’t you go and talk to her?” I try again, Samson grunts again and walks off, shoulder’s hunched and head down. I guess he really is gutted that he has to leave her.
Elliot watches me, he’s shorter than I am, and shorter than Janna, but he’s a year younger too. He’s kind of amazed at how lucky he is to hang out with us, he again checks to see if the other year nine’s have seen. They have, and they hate him.
“What?” I say spitefully. Elliot blushes, and looks at the ground. I feel sorry for him then. But it’s too late. It’s always too friggin’ late.

Hayden
We all sit in a line, opposite the “cheerful” coloured orange plastic chairs and tables. By, we, I mean the other ones who have no visitors. I watch them. I like watching people. Freda hates sitting here, by the wall. I do too. Freda looks at me, then quickly turns away to look at the guard.
“Let’s run.” She mutters. “Please.” Anxious, she bites her lip. Her pumpkin-coloured hair is plastered to one side of her head.
“Please, Hayden.” Again, she whispers, getting paranoid. She’s biting her lip so hard it bleeds. I touch her soft chin; she releases the poor lip, which starts swelling. It calms her down too. The other doctor, Marion notices, and she nods a thank you, taking Freda’s hand and leading her out. Five minutes later and she would be hysterical. It’s too stuffy in here for her. Too closed in and no windows, too sad, too personal. She’s claustrophobic, plus a lot of things, but mostly, she’s claustrophobic. I watch Daniel. His mum looks afraid of him, she flinches when he talks and when he moves to hug her she screams and the doctor’s tackle him to the ground. It’s hard for him. I think it’s because he looks so much like his dad, and his dad isn’t someone his mum likes too much. Daniel finds it hard especially when people think he’s going to do something drastic. He screams at them and tries to push them off,
“Let me go you bastards! Let me go! Get off me!” A jab in the arm with a needle and he’s silent. He goes limp, his face losing colour and his eyes draining of anger. His mum is white, she’s shaking. A doctor walks her out of the room as Kyle; one of the younger doctor’s wheels Daniel out in a wheelchair.
I move to go to my room, my father won’t show up, he never does, but Marion stops me,
“No, Hayden,” She smiles, I like her. “You have a visitor.” I stop and turn to the door, Marion’s grip on my arm dropping. It’s her. Cow. It’s Riley.



I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World.

© Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved
ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
1 posted 2004-12-06 04:41 PM


I kind've found it a bit confusing. But interesting too. I will leave it to the experts to critique it!
Thanks for the read!
Lizzie.

"Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
2 posted 2004-12-07 07:42 PM


H_E,
I'll be back. I only get a few minutes at a time online, sorry.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

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