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The Rose and the Thorn ...(A Re-Write)
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The Rose and the Thorn ...(A Re-Write) |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
The Rose and the Thorn Bright sunlight was dancing in her golden hair. Resembling shimmering dew on pedals of a Prominent Rose. The scent she wore that day was as a refreshing summer rain. Sunlight was her radiance, as her sweet love through her eyes did show. This vision seen through my mirrored eyes, skewed in ripples and waves. My mind clouded by a past liquation in my self-existence, tainted by an over indulgence of sprits, those sprits which do not let go. Spirits holding the weakened mind in their deepest places griping intellect with claws of perfect serration, twisting and tearing, until the fight to unhand its grip is loosened in a reluctant acceptance. In my mind a slumbering flow of fog, gliding across open cliffs dangling high above a most certain tragedy, is where I lived. Nestled in that place, comfortable living just for me alone. I had assumed for my own a honed laden identity, and yet those sprits prancing around in my mind had ownership. Sprits consuming better judgment to know, yet not allowing for my comprehension. Nevertheless, how could I have shown love for her? I was just a novel student of life, and truth, and love, a newborn to devotion. I was a thorn piercing into the hand of trust, and hope, and honesty. That promise of true love given once in life, not for strife, not for shame, but for a singularity’s duet; and yet, those consuming sprits placed their threat, silently deforming joy, the fragrance of the rose contorted by the thorn held high on its stem, a stem for the nourishment of joy in love, rooted deep in compassion. Yet, those sprits fought against her glow and radiance, constantly competing, and cheating the very chance for love to grow. But that day, that moment, her in her white gown, and her rosen cheeks and dazzling smile, she silenced those sprits, and her grace won over that day, and my eyes raced transversely over her beauty. I looked deep into her compassion, her shy beauty, enveloping all of her into my heart through my hazy eyes. Begging my mind to hold her there, and for her to stay. And on that day it did do that, my mind did obey. My silent dreams of her were there, alive and tingling on the tips of my fingers as we joined hands for that solemn ritual, and that single pledge, a given seal on a kiss with quivering lips, a bond to never stray but instead to be held to that song of happiness, of joy and love forever, and a day. My heart filled with love in pursuit of the alluring of her. And that night would prove tantalizing and refreshing in our castle alone. Passion unrestrained and love so magnificently formed around that duet’s song. Nonetheless, not realizing the bitterness soon to be aroused by that bitter spirit, spirit of liquidation, I was soon to be losing to those spirit’s spaces. That place where I was incrassating a mixture of unrest, and tears of misery, and undoing my life’s love – her love for me, while I was building strife and shame. Then, inevitability it came, in a short while, to my name she would soon loose hope of love. Within a short time I had returned to the sprit’s place, that comforting place for me, that place I had created for me alone. Recessed into that cave where those liquid sprits lived – abandoned and ashamed poignant sprits taking hold, there refracting gilt filled my veins with a fools gold. Places I could not allow friendship to enter in, nor express to any not familiar with my perceptions living to own my mind. Those places of cold and sharpened stone were neither for her, nor a place for any who might have meandered in, in that home of unrequited love, and cold dark caves of fear and loneliness. Time passed, as it is said did heal and cover the scar, but the years are lost to the wind where all memories live and will remain forever. Today, the years past, and those sprits too, are gone. Their high and deadly cliffs now torn down and replaced by the calmness of a quiet blue sea, and warm white sands. Depression has disappeared and is gone, leaving a heart as an emptied stem, an empty stem which was intended only for a rose, that rose which once was life. And as rivers flow carrying my past, the memories too now flow into that blue sea to replenish the loss in my life’s heart and soul. There in that vast sea I sail endlessly, and I listen for her song, which is played on brass violins. I listen intently for her voice singing as she once did, her words echoing throughout my mind and heart chanting, we’ve only just begun. And still, that fantasy swims in this seas of my mind, and is carried on the wind repeating vividly of her, her smile, white gown, and rosen cheeks. Visions of which to me seem as weeks, even days at times, in dreams of her so sweet. Dreams now dancing with moonbeams shimmering off the evening sea, where the sun was once a delight, and her voice was echoing clear: we’ve only just begun. For only a moment in time, it was her love’s passion that was indeed mine… From the cliffs of death her kind soft pedals had pulled me away, and although I had lost her, I had won – I had held that rose in my heart and mind, that beautiful rose, which to this day lives in the heart of a thorn… |
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Dautz Write Member
since 2004-11-16
Posts 96 |
Enjoyed reading the box notifying us about constructive critiques. No, this won't hurt a bit! I picked a favorite line,thinking about its strength and imagery. "Spirits holding the weakened mind in their deepest places griping intellect with claws of perfect serration, twisting and tearing, until the fight to unhand its grip is loosened in a reluctant acceptance" Thanks for sharing, JL! Dautz |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
JL, dear soul, what an exquisite piece of writing this is, truly. It brought tears to my eyes, as it touched the heart of me deeply.  ....jo |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Thank you two very much... Now if I can find the "i" key on my keyboard I could spell spirits correctly. Spirit not sprit. Again, thanks for your kind words. JL She said: ”You look cute in the dark.” |
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