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tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2004-07-04 03:40 PM


Ok, well I haven't posted in this forum before and I'm kinda nervous about it.  I'm not pretending to be some great writer, I just want to know some ways to improve my writing.  I wrote this last night about me and my boyfriend and I don't think it's that bad and I'd like to know what you think.  It's just a short story, taking only one post.


   I tilt my head toward the sky as a firework is shot off, exploding into falling fire. It leaves me in wonder as to why these things bring such beauty, yet they do.  The different colors reflect themselves in my eyes, many different ones: red, blue, green…beautiful in their own ways.  I watch them in awe when suddenly I find myself wanting to have something more, more than just this beauty of fire works on a harvest mooned sky.  Any night would be beautiful to me if there wasn’t one thing missing making the whole experience seem like it’s lacking something…something important.  
I dream to myself the perfect night as tonight with that one thing in it and I find myself becoming weak at the thought of this happening. I can draw it out in my mind…the perfect 4th of July. So many things come to mind but one stays in there…I can picture it…it’s something like…
*************************************************************************
I answered the front door to find him standing there in a t-shirt and jeans, as I was wearing too. It’s funny how just seeing him stand there can make me weak.  I smile for a moment before I shut the door behind me, excited about the night ahead.  His smile reassures me it will be fun, making me smile back.  We get to the car and he opens the door for me and I climb in.  We drive for a while since this was across town.  The traffic was kind of jammed but nonetheless he still held my hand on the way there.  We finally found a parking space and then took a bus to the park. I carried with me the blanket for us to sit on in one hand and he had my hand laced in his on the other.  I was still somewhat nervous about being with him.  I had never felt this way about someone before and that scared me.  

“I’ll go get us something to drink if you want,” he said as I was putting the blanket on the hard dirt ground.  

“Ok, can you get me a Dr. Pepper?” I asked him.
“Sure, whatever you want.”

I sat on the blanket, wondering what the night would lead to.  I wanted to say so many things, things that I’d finally come to realize about him, but I never found the right time.  I looked up at the sky, now different shades of blue.  The horizon started as a light blue but as you got higher it turned into a velvet violet…so soft and comforting.  The show would start in a minute.  I watched the people weaving in and out of the crowd, searching for a spot to sit.  It was getting full, another indicator the show would start soon.  

    I saw him approaching from the crowd, a Dr. Pepper in one hand and a water in the other.  He’d always been the healthier type, unlike me. He sat down and smiled, making all my thoughts and doubts melt away.  I turned and watched the people on the stage singing country, smiling to myself, knowing he was watching me.  I wondered what he was thinking, was he thinking about me, was he thinking about being here….I wonder.  I almost asked but decided against it.  I turned and looked at him to see that not only had he been watching me but also he was smiling at me. I blushed, wondering what he was smiling about and went to sit closer to him.

“You ok?” he asked seeing me squirm for a minute.
“Yeah…just excited!” I told him with a reassuring grin.

   I sat there, legs out in front of me and my arms back behind me, supporting me and locked.  He then gently put his hand on top of mine and gave it a squeeze, making me giggle.  
  
   After a couple minutes, we just sat there listening to the band play and watched the sky grow deep velvet.  Then they announced the start of the firecrackers in 5 minutes.  Our excitement grew as the 5 minutes passed.
  
Finally the time had arrived.  

“Would you please stand for the national anthem.” The announcer called into the microphone.  We stood and a lady with a nice voice started singing.  Everyone joined in and I could hear his voice.  I stopped for a minute to listen to it, savor it in my mind.  Then I joined back in to finish the song.  

“NOW GET READY FOR THE FANTASTIC LIGHT SHOW OF THE YEAR!” he declared and that was the end of the announcing.  

   Then the fireworks started.  Greens! Reds! Blues! Whites! Yellows! A rainbow of exploding fire.  We sat in silence for a few minutes, just watching, the show was supposed to be up to 30 minutes long, maybe longer.  

   As I looked up at the sky, marveled by its beauty, I felt his arm pull me closer to him.  I scooted over right next to him.  He put his arms around me and pulled me close to him.  I could feel his muscles in his stomach and arms and I could smell him, something I will always smell and think of him.  He kissed my cheek and for the first time I felt so secure. He held me and I could feel every breath from him, every movement he made, I could feel it.  His scent filled me and I felt that finally, I was happy.  After a while of this, I wondered again what he was thinking about.  I wondered if this night meant as much to him as it did to me, I wondered if he was having the same feelings as me, feelings that couldn’t be explain. I just wondered about so much.  I finally turned to him, a question brewing in my mind, ready for me to say. I opened my mouth to say it but gently he lifted his finger, put it to my lips to quiet me.  I looked into his eyes, question showing in my eyes.  His eyes, brown and beautiful, shone back at me.  I looked deep into them, seeing things that can’t be expressed with words, thoughts that can’t be seen by just anyone, and I knew my questions where answered.  I saw deep into the fragments of his soul.   I didn’t have to ask him to tell me what he was thinking; his eyes did that for him.  His eyes shone bright and with them I could tell by the way he was looking at me that to him, I was the most beautiful person.  With those eyes I could see fear, worry, beauty, compassion, and love.  He kissed me gently on the lips, leaving my lips tingling for more.  I laid my head against his chest, lying in his arms, knowing things couldn’t get much better than this.  

    Eventually the show ended and we picked up our blanket and got on the bus to our parking lot.  He held my hand the whole way, leaving me wishing he would kiss me again.  As he pulled up to the front of my house and I went to open the car door, he grabbed my hand, gave it a squeeze and right before I opened the door, he reached his hand out to pull my chin closer to him.  He kissed me one more time, leaving me weak at the knees.  I closed the door knowing that for the first time in my life I knew what love was.  
**************************************************
  I smiled silently to myself as I watched the fireworks go off again above me. Reds, Blues, Greens, making a beautiful site.   I walked away silently, a tear running silently down my cheeks at the realization of what I missed most this 4th of July.  


Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

© Copyright 2004 Erin - All Rights Reserved
Sweetest Sorrow X
Member
since 2004-01-19
Posts 146
From a cradle to a casket
1 posted 2004-07-04 04:14 PM


awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I loved that....so much Short and Sweet.

You better count your lucky stars that everything I wish for..doesnt come true

miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
2 posted 2004-07-04 09:30 PM


Thanks the fireworks.  I really liked the description in your second paragraph.  Enjoyed.
          miscellanea

Match
Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286
Canada Edmonton
3 posted 2004-07-05 12:03 PM


Its good and so cute! even though at some parts I fond it hard to follow , anyways awsome!

http://www.nexopia.com/profile.php?uid=34810 <--all me baby!

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