navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » Epilogue to Assignments From My Daughter
Passions in Prose
Post A Reply Post New Topic Epilogue to Assignments From My Daughter Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States

0 posted 2004-06-22 08:14 PM



Epilogue to Assignments From My Daughter
By Larry Chadwick


It was a Saturday and I am always in church during the morning. So I missed the first phone call. The phone rang again at 12:30 p.m. Miss Chadwick’s mom immediately handed the phone to a hospital social worker. The worst way to receive bad news is from a stranger. My girl was in the hospital fighting for her life and losing. I abandoned lunch and headed straight for the airport. My flight was booked during that forty-five minute ride. But standby on a weekend is hopeless.

I was sitting at the airport with my pastor when my brother called at 5:15 p.m. to tell me it was over. The aneurysm had won. My friend Steve works with survivors and reminded things could be worse. And so when I finally boarded the plane four hours later I took consolation in having brought my laptop computer. For three hours I poured my aching and broken heart out in poetry. At the airport I was picked up by my cousin and aunt. They took me to the hospital where I met with my parents.

Graciously and in apparent violation of hospital policy the nurses removed all of the life support equipment and had her in her bed for one last visit. For two gut wrenching hours I sat and talked to daddy’s girl. I held her hand and I stroked her hair. I touched her cheek and I sobbed. As I was preparing to leave the nurse was stumbling to initiate a conversation. I insisted that she speak without apology. In spite of my demeanor I was not prepared for her request. Her mother had left it to me to decide about body part donations. Specifically they wanted her heart valves.

Quickly I retreated to the corner of her hospital room. Not for privacy but for space. My first emotions were about the process. Changing my focus I suddenly remembered that I have a leaky heart valve that may some day need replacing. Instantly I found peace in the results regardless of the process. The hospital had a children’s burn unit and so I also donated her skin. I donated the corneas of her eyes without hesitation. And I completed a donation that was her favorite, her hair. She knew how much I loved her hair cut short. But she was growing out her hair to donate for children who had cancer and were receiving chemo treatment.

In an effort to complete my decisions they could not find the paper work. There was a 1:00 a.m. call to the social worker that failed. My grief was being compounded by sorrow and now bureaucracy. It was nearly more than I could endure. I threatened to leave if they could not resolve the matter. It was resolved quickly though I don’t recall how.

She had dropped unconscious at a store in the presence of an Emergency Room nurse. Immediately she was diagnosed as being in need of an ambulance. Fatefully her ambulance was in the parking lot. She was in the ambulance two minutes after she collapsed and at the hospital in ten minutes. Ginger died in the ambulance but was revived with paddles. For hours she was in convulsions. When the convulsions stopped they started a brain scan and she died again. They jump started her heart a second time. The neurologist said her dad better get here quick because we cannot do this again. And that afternoon her lungs filled with fluids and her body gave up.

I was up early the next day because I could not sleep in my new reality. Finally my son arrived. And incredibly he began to share with me the good things that could come from this event. By nature I think positively but I could not think of one good thing and demanded he offer me something. So he recited what seemed like a laundry list. Well there would be no more bad relationships with men. She would not have to bury grandpa or grandma. Or for that matter she would not have to bury me. I challenged his lack of emotion in my need to understand and he grabbed me in a bear hug as he cried and told me he had promised to be strong and it was the hardest promise he had ever made.

Arrangements were made for my lovely wife, Nancy to join me for support.  Reflecting back I think the hardest role in this experience was being the step-mom. And she did with dignity, grace and no complaints. Immediately my large family was mobilized to join me in Seattle. They came from all over the country. Incredible the power you can receive from your family. Next I turned to my friends at PiPtalk.com and told them what had happened. Never will I find adequate words to explain to them the strength they provided with their encouragement. Then I called her high school. My friend Linda said I did it intuitively. That was her gift to me.

It is easy to understand current public school policies. Their campuses are closed for legitimate reasons. School administrators and staff carry a huge responsibility for protecting you kids. I had never met any of Ginger’s peers or students. Her pupils were informed first thing Monday morning of her sudden death. And when I asked if I could come on campus and meet her kids and be in her classroom there was not a moments hesitation.

There was a spontaneous memorial outside of her classroom. Flowers, poems, essays, posters, cards and pictures. A spirit of love and compassion was lingering in the hall. The world had not stopped because my daughter was dead. School bells were ringing and classes were meeting. It was a world I needed to be in. Her classroom was packed. Every desk was full. And the walls were lined with teachers and administrators. And the school psychologist. On the chalk board were sayings and assignments written by Miss Chadwick. The room was equally stuffed with her presence. Everywhere were he teaching tools and personal possessions. It was a cozy place.

The week before Bothell High School had last another teacher. She had died of cancer. This was a double hit. But even so it seemed that there was no experience at what was about to take place. I knew Ginger and they knew Miss Chadwick. We didn’t realize it at the beginning but it was our objective to merge the two. I desired to hear of Miss Chadwick and they longed to hear of Ginger. And the adults just had to know her age! The students shared from their hearts stories of Miss Chadwick that made me laugh and made me cry. And I shared stories of Ginger that made them laugh and made them cry. Each period we rotated her next class of students in. And each period we repeated the system with fresh stories and fresh tears and laughter.

Three of her girls put together a student memorial at the flagpole for the next morning. And I came back to the school one more time to honor her memory as this time they led out. In silence we listened to “Butterfly Kisses” and lit candles meditating individually on what a difference one person can make in so many lives with just twenty-eight years.

One hundred and fifty kids came to her funeral. The pastor had done many funerals and informed me that high school kids don’t do funerals. Several kids spoke, at my request, as did her vice-principal. But the most striking of all was the viewing of Ginger’s open casket at the end of the funeral. Virtually all of the students passed her coffin. And many of them came around for a second viewing as they continued to linger near her. The pastor was amazed that even in her death people were drawn to her.

Though her funeral was on a Saturday we could not inter her. The cemetery was closed for Memorial weekend. Strange how that had not come up when we were trying to close on funeral arrangements. And so her burial was not accomplished until Tuesday. A couple dozen of her students made a point of searching out the cemetery and attending our graveside service. Once again her presence drew us to her side where we lingered for over an hour. The pastor repeated his amazement at the power of her life. I was granted the honor of lowering her into her grave and then my parents, my son, my wife and I each dropped a rose on the coffin to seal our final goodbye.

I had my own transportation and so lingered alone at her grave. For her funeral we had played “I Can See Clearly Now” and it was my intention to play it on the car stereo as I drove away. But being unfamiliar with the system I sat for nearly thirty minutes trying hopelessly to make the CD play. It began to rain and somehow I thought heaven was mourning with me. Disappointed I started the car and rolled away. I turned on the radio and cranked the volume. They were playing “I Can See Clearly Now” and I sobbed to myself as I mournfully left my daughter’s side.

But I was in for yet another unexpected event. The kids who lingered at her graveside asked if I would come back for their senior graduation in June. They had each independently promised Miss Chadwick that they would say goodbye that day. It was not their intent to be deprived. So on graduation day those twelve students met me at her grave where they shared their graduation farewell.

The silence was different then from what it is now. But we would Instant Message and I taught her how to access online a game called “Collapse”. We would be typing and all of a sudden she would go silent. Minutes would go by and suddenly a message would appear announcing her score. Always she was comfortable just to know I was there at the other end of the computer…waiting. I’m still waiting. I’ll meet you at Pooh Corner, okay Toots?

June 21, 2004




If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

© Copyright 2004 Larry Chadwick - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2004-06-23 01:10 AM


moth marking this one too.
Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
2 posted 2004-06-24 10:51 AM


JM,
Thanks, I'll wait.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2004-06-24 12:57 PM


Larry,

I've just finished reading both of these...
I'm truly lacking at the moment to convey what I am feeling, and wish to come back when I am more composed..so for now I just wanted to tell you I was here, and that a piece of my heart will still be here after I leave the thread.

heart-hugs
jm

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
4 posted 2004-06-24 01:07 PM


I guess we live out our lives, hoping to make a positive difference. Ginger had clearly done beyond her share. I'm sure she is gratified to hear of the impact she have had on people and learn of your good work in spreading her legacy so that readers like me can stay grounded....


Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

5 posted 2004-06-24 01:44 PM


Larry,
   She must have been a remarkable person...  I imagine it has crossed your mind why the song came on the radio by itself.  It sounds as if she's at the other end of the computer in her own way.  We know so little of what happens afterward.  I like to think positive thoughts about it.
   I know this said "epilogue", but maybe you'll consider writing more about her so that we can get to know this amazing person even better.

  Sending some hugs your way.
             Sadelite  

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2004-06-24 02:51 PM


Larry

Heart hugs of understanding and tears.  

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2004-06-25 12:00 PM


I wont be able to review this one with out getting emotional again... not sure if I will ever be able to read it and not cry...
thats a testament to your writing...and testament to the lasting impression Ginger has made... the way the kids payed her tribute is remarkable and the centerpiece of this heart touching sharing.


This is also a testament to the healing value our writing holds for us.
Im so glad you saw this project thru...and most of all, I am grateful I got to know both you and her thru your words.


Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
8 posted 2004-06-25 08:28 PM


JM,
You leave me speechless as well. It is amazing to me the impact of this experience. I look forward to your response. Peace...

kaile,
You were always grounded. And thank you for your hearfelt reply. I am so eager to see what you do with your life after college. WooHoo!!!


Sadelite,
You are such a kind and caring person. I hope you know how much your words heal this broken heart. Such generosity will not go unrewarded, I am sure. Thank you.


Martie,
To a sister in shared life experience, it means so much to know you are there. Thank you.


Janet Marie,
A fascinating trip this journey of grief. It provides wisdom at the cost of pain. Comfort at the cost of sorrow. And friendship at the price of loss. Positives that in the end find a way to balance the negatives. I still believe that grief without growth is pain without purpose. (I made that up and use it every chance I get.) But it is not necessary to preach to the choir! You weigh in on all the positives in my journey and I thank you for that.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
9 posted 2004-12-06 05:18 PM


I read this with tears in my eyes...your daughter is proof of the amazing fact of how many people someone can touch by reaching out and loving. I would love to know more about her, and what I have read is turning her into a role model already. Thank you for sharing her with us.
*hugs*
Lizzie.

"Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
10 posted 2004-12-07 07:49 PM


Thanks Lizzie,
The tears flowed when it was written as well. I think the additional telling of her should come from others though I have no idea how that would happen.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » Epilogue to Assignments From My Daughter

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary