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Decisions
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Decisions |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States 
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Decisions By Larry Chadwick Paying Forward It is a fact of life that not all decisions are our own. What bears remembering is that we own our response. I had a plan but it was ignored. Just because my family was moving in the middle of my ninth grade was not reason enough for me to change schools. Well, that was my opinion. The solution was obvious and simple. I would live with my aunt and uncle for the remainder of the school year and then join my family in a new state. My dad’s unwillingness to listen to my idea was not expected. Bitterness is a bad option. I immediately set about to construct a new plan. Except this time the futility of the moment had already settled who was living where. The new plan was about revenge. However it was disguised as despair. Acceptance of the circumstances did not entered my mind. Self-absorption never contributes to wise choices. The dissent into self-pity began. It was a long and lonely journey. After relocating the strategy was quickly engaged. It took little effort to slide off from the honor roll. Ceasing to study was a simple goal to accomplish. The hidden agenda, of course, was to arouse a response from my parents. But the first collection of D’s seemed to pass unnoticed. And isolating myself socially certainly was passing without awareness. It only made sense to externalize my anger. I had my hair chopped off and bought clothes that I disliked. My greatest strength was my determination. But misguided determination is a significant weakness. And so I persevered. The summer came and went. Nobody had learned their lesson yet. Not even me. So my non-participation in life continued into my tenth grade year. Now it became even easier because frustration and resentment had been replaced by depression. There was nothing sweet about turning sixteen. I had lost control and still had not made my point. My peers began to reflect what they saw and what I portrayed. It is rare that others will even like you when you are busy hating yourself. Help was not an option because my decisions were based on not trusting adults. It was near the second anniversary of our move that I finally conceded that I needed to change my approach to life. It took only an evening to formulate a new path. And it took just a day to implement it. For once I looked forward to tomorrow. At school the response was likely imperceptible to others. But it was dramatic to me with almost instant feedback. It turns out that people like a person who displays a good sense of humor and a genuine interest in others. And I learned that it is hard to pursue revenge with a good attitude. I still believe that sometimes depression is a decision. May 31, 2004 If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Larry Chadwick - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Fine thoughts here Larry and that last line speaks volumes. Thank you for sharing with us your experiences and your lessons. You always give us much to ponder. Maree  The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Maree, I was just paying forward. And thank you so much. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It has taken a lifetime for many to learn what you have given us here. Sometimes depression is a choice... and sometimes, even when you suffer from something deeper, you make the choice to be stronger and get through it somehow. I hope thats a choice I'm always able to make. Some lovely thoughts here, thanks for sharing your wisdom. Oh, make me Thine forever |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Erica, I had a conversation with a friend tonight who echoed those very sentiments. Ya' know you are a smart lady. I like that you take the time to read my thoughts. Thank you.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Larry, I enjoyed reading about the move, your reactions, and resolve. I agree with an earlier response. The last line speaks volumes. miscellanea |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
miscellanea, Thanks for your input. It was long ago and far away but life altering. And it should have been so much different. But everything happens for a reason.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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wllz.on.ice Junior Member
since 2004-09-07
Posts 35the united kingdom. |
Larry i must say, you're idea was hopeless  Good write though. Always an inspiration. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
wllz.on.ice, Yup I was angry enough not to care! And thanks for read. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
"I still believe that sometimes depression is a decision." Indeed it is. I figured I'd find you here since I couldn't find you in Open (maybe I'm just blind); It's good to read you again and then He created the horse... |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Skyfire, Thank you sweetie! It is so good to be back and so fun to see you here. You always put a smile on my face. Hope all is well and please feel free to email! If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
wow, I had missed this one when you first posted it, but am so glad to read it tonight, Larry. there are so many lines I'd quote that were favorites, but think I'll leave it to this: "Self-absorption never contributes to wise choices." THAT is a brilliant truth that is all-too-often overlooked. a keeper write |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Kacy, Well aren't you just as sweet as pie! And thank you for those very generous words. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
you wrote with a good mix of childlike simplicity and mature sensibility. the universal concept was easy to relate to...a great write |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
J.Samm, Thank you for relating to my adolescence. It was a dark time that taught me much. Peace... And good luck in school! Thank you too for your kindness. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
I like this...I think the best thing you can do is decide to face things with a smile. Nothing is as bad as it seems, if you look at it from the most flattering angle! Thank you for this reminder to hold my head high. Lizzie. "Time has told me not to ask for more, one day our ocean will find its shore" ~Nick Drake |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Lizzie, It was a difficult time of my own making. How dumb. And thank you. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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