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Change and regret
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Change and regret |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
Its a sad day when you realize that no matter how bad you feel, no matter how crapy your day is, that you have no one to turn to to seek comfort with. No one to tell you that you arnt a momumental screw up, a worthless incompetant peon among the throbbing mass of humanity. Someone to tell you that someday, somewhere things will work out, that there are things to look forward to other than more of the same old stuff. Or even somone who doesnt have to say anything, just be there to make things seem that much better. Or perhaps even better, someone to make you feel needed, valued, that in some way the fact that you exist is important. Perhaps even worse than the realization that you dont have a go to person, is the memory of having one, but knowing that they are no longer available to you. When everyone around you is moving, growing, advancing, and you are stagnant you cant help but feel left behind. They all bitch and moan about how they are scared of the change and it kills you because you would give anything to have the change be your own. They fear the change because it makes the future uncertain. The only fear I have, is that it will only take them farther away from me than they already are, that whatever is left between us will just fade away. Everything they are mocks what I have accomlished, because I havent accomplished anything. I can barely maintain who and what I am, as little as that is. They are the ones that are really living, not me. Im not angry with them, there isnt anything to be angry about. Im just sad that my place in their lives has grown so small. I try so hard to crawl out of this pit that is my life, but just when I seem to be getting somewhere, it all comes crashing down again and I find myself back at the bottom, in the dark, alone. No one knows who I am anymore, and it often seem like no one cares to know either. I want to know what hope feels like again. Maybe someday. Maybe. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Keith W. Mullin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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merlynh Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 411deer park, wa |
Wesley you are never alone. God is always there with you as long as you reach out for him. Faith is all man can obtain in life that he can hold on to. “I had no understand until I went to his door and knocked all night long until his light come through my window, and I heard his birds sing praises to his new dawn.”--© 2004 by Merlyn Hearn |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Keith, I have known despair in my past. The challenge in trying to understand yours is that all of our experiences are unique. Nothing annoys me more than the people who try to make me own their experience. Such as going through all the phases of grieving. It's a theory. Anyway, I acknowledge that it is hard to see the forest because of all the trees. The theme I hear the most in your piece is powerlessness. The fact is that we are responsible for our own destiny. I hope you find a way to take charge of yours. I sincerely wish you peace. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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pictureme Member
since 2003-11-28
Posts 248Ohio, USA |
Westley the Blue, In the beginning I did read hopeless the middle jumped out as a fighter in a ring who refuses to be knocked down and kept there before the bell...goes off in the end and although you talk about the want of change........the last line jumps up, hits me in the nose and screams hope. "I want to know what hope feels like again. Maybe someday. Maybe." and I somehow feel...the best is yet to be. pictureme :-) |
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