»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
Cool Universe X
| Passions in Prose |
|
Cool Universe X |
|
|
mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Cool Universe by mirror man Chapter 10 The first thing Abnorman did when he got home was go to his bedroom, set the Tome of Niceness on the dresser, and turn to the second page. “Welcome, AAbnorman, Savior of the Universe and All Around Nice Guy,” it said. “Gee,” said Abnorman, smiling. “I like the sound of that.” He turned to the next page. “You are now completely uncool,” it said. Abnorman read it again. Because it didn’t sound so good. “I am?” said Abnorman. “Yes,” it said. “How do you know?” said Abnorman. “Because you are about to read five hundred pages about Niceness,” it said. Abnorman thought about that. “Actually,” he said, “I thought I’d just skim.” “No you didn’t,” it said. “No, really,” said Abnorman. “Admit it,” said the Tome. “You were going to sit down and read five hundred pages about Niceness.” “Well, maybe the first chapter---” “Admit it,” said the Tome. Ohhhh, Abnorman thought, it’s true. He was, is, going to read five hundred pages of total uncoolness. “You’re right,” he said. “Of course,” it said. “Is that a bad thing?” he said. “Well, you know, that’s always a matter of opinion,” it said. “But in your case, it’s an asset.” Abnorman didn’t know what an asset was, but it sounded good, so he said, “How do I use it?” “You’ve already been using it,” it said. “Some dudes have to discover their assets and then learn how to use them. Others can’t find their assets with both hands in the daylight. You, on the other hand, were born using yours.” “Really,” said Abnorman, and “Gosh.” What could he say? So he said, “Proceed.” “As you know by now,” it said, “saving the Universe isn’t for just anyone. That’s why you were made. And that’s why this book was made. You are bound by the laws of the Universe to save it from the clutches of Badness. But you must do it in the nicest possible way. Therefore---” “Wait a minute,” said Abnorman. “I thought we were talking about uncoolness.” That is, not niceness. “Same thing,” it said. “It is?” said Abnorman. He frowned, puzzled, and said, “I thought niceness was politeness, civility, fair play, mutual respect, things like that.” “It is,” it said, “which in your case is totally uncool.” “Oh,” said Abnorman. That made sense. “Okay.” “Therefore,” it continued, “it is your fate. And by the mere possession of this book, your fate is now sealed.” “Gee,” said Abnorman, not so certain any more. “That’s nice...I think.” It continued, “We have waited a thousand years for this event, and now that it is here, we cannot turn back. The forces of Badnesss have had a thousand years to prepare also, they are everywhere, but---” “Everywhere!” said Abnorman, looking around worriedly. “Not here,” said the Tome. “Oh,” said Abnorman. “Continue.” “The forces of Badness have had a thousand years to prepare also -- they are not everywhere but almost everywhere -- but they will not prevail. Because they contain the fatal flaw---” “What’s that? What’s that?” said Abnorman excitedly. He really liked the fatal flaw stuff. “They are Bad,” said the Tome. “And you are Nice.” “Oh, yeah,” said Abnorman. “Right,” said the Tome. “And therein lies the strength that will enable you, and all the forces of Niceness everywhere, to win the War to Save the Universe.” “Uncoolness,” said Abnorman thoughtfully. “Niceness,” said the Tome. “(turn the page).” Abnorman turned the page. The Tome continued, “But possessing this strength, and using it wisely, are two different things. Therefore, you will begin your training now to learn how to control this great and awesome power. You will begin by.... You will begin by...umm....” “Yes?” said Abnorman. “You will begin by...wait a minute.” “Yes? Yes?” “You will begin by going back to school.” Abnorman frowned thoughtfully. “I already went once,” he said. “Well, you have to go back.” “Why?” “Because,” it said. Abnorman frowned thoughtfully again. This was sounding vaguely familiar. “Because why?” said Abnorman. Long silence. “Yes?” “Well, it would be nice,” said the Tome. Another long silence. “Nice?” said Abnorman. “Yes,” said the Tome. “That’s it? Nice?” said Abnorman. “Yes,” said the Tome. “But also, to win.” “Win what?” “You’ll know.” “Doing what?” “You’ll know.” “Why?” “You already know that,” said the Tome. “What?” “You are AAbnorman,” said the Tome. “So?” “You’ll figure it out.” “Oh,” said Abnorman. He certainly hoped so. “Very good,” said the Tome. “You go back to school tomorrow.” “Alright,” he said finally. “That’s nice,” said the Tome. “Okay,” said Abnorman. “I’m tired. I think I’ll go to sleep now.” “Pleasant dreams,” said the Tome. So Abnorman crawled to his bed and lay down to sleep. Even sons of interstellar super-genius space-traveling fathers and All Around Nice Guy Saviors of the Universe have to sleep. So Abnorman slept. Nitey nite. His fate was sealed. copyright 1998, 2000 Author’s note: this is a work of fiction. All characters and events portrayed in this work are fictional, and any resemblance to real life hypocrites, bullies, and liars is merely coincidental. |
||
| © Copyright 2003 mirror man - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
To anyone reading this: Author's unpleasant note: this is the final and only version of this novel that I have released to the public. However, this novel has been copied and used by others without my knowledge or consent. So if you should happen to come across another copy of this novel, under this name or another, in any medium, on the web or not, it is not released with my knowledge and consent and so is pirate. Or plagiarism. Or both. |
||
|
mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Special note to teachers, educators: This novel, this version, may be copied and distributed in any medium as needed for classroom study. -- mirror man |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
