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Martini
Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2003-05-02 01:52 PM



I remember the day when I first posted on this site, I was heartbroken, feeling very alone and at times very scared.  Writing about my pain, expressing everything that had happened in the months prior helped me deal a lot with what I was going through, and now being three years old, three years more mature and having dealt with the ups and downs of life I thought I would tell you a new story, a happier chapter in the book of my life, where I am today.


I remember that last week as if it was yesterday, and it has been a year now.  The busyness of exams and the stress of graduation was felt everywhere, everyone was cramming, stressing out, staring blankly at pages of books which should have been opened weeks ago if not months.  The air was sticky, far too warm for April, and our house was unbearable, we all relocated from our own bedrooms to the living room on the main level, books in hand, cases of Coca-cola scattered around the room, bags of chips, cookies, anything we thought we might need in order to get through the next few days.  We sat in silence, only the sounds of the radio playing faintly in the background, and the odd tap of a pen on a book.  Hours went by just like this, occasionally someone would rise for a break, be it a smoke outside in the humid night air, or to visit the restroom, but no one was talking.  
It was the night before everyone’s final exam as a university student, the four years had gone by so quickly, and amongst the joy of graduation and completion was the sorrow and the anguish of leaving behind what we all knew were the best and worst years of our entire lives.  The friends we made during our duration there were not going to be easy to replace, or even find substitutions for, they were the people who had supported us through the schoolwork, the homesickness, the break-ups with the guy they had told us was all wrong from the beginning.  They were the people we had lived with, worked with, and partied with, long nights drinking until no one can remember how to see straight at the campus pub, trying to drag each other out so that we could possibly have a chance of getting out of bed in time for that 8:30 class the next morning, that we hadn’t been to in so long, that the memory of what the teacher looked like was fading.  However, getting to that class, learning about biology, or economics of psych 101, on Friday morning at 8:30 was not important in the long run, I was beginning to realize that the important things, those tidbits of information that were going to help shaped me into becoming a successful, kind, confident person were not learned in the classroom, but rather was learned amongst the people who meant the most in my life.
It must have been 2:30 when one of the four of declared quitting time, it was hot, we were all tired and information was no longer being taken into brains.  We all closed the books, readjusted where we were sitting, and settled down to chat, we talked for a bit, and each one of us slowly drifted off to sleep.  I was the last one left awake and I lay there thinking about how tomorrow everything was going to change, we would never have a night like this again, the four of us.
The morning came quickly and we all rushed around getting ready for that final exam, leaving the house at different times, in different cars, rushing the four blocks over to the campus, going to our individual examinations.  The three hours of the exam came and went, we all arrived home in the early afternoon, bustling around the house, music blaring, two of us cleaning out the kitchen the other two working on the basement, packing up all that was left to be packed, singing along to the music, laughing, joking, stopping to take many more breaks than last night during the hard-core studying.  It was a good afternoon, we were done, no more school for the four of us.
The packing ended shortly before dinner, and we all decided that a celebration was in order, dinner out then one last night out at the pub together, our last night as students, as roommates, and kids, for tomorrow we became adults in every sense of the word.  Dinner was quiet, we all seemed to be in reflection, thinking about the good times and the bad of our university experience.  The bar that night, however, was far from quiet, the music was pumping, the crowd was roaring, and we were all there to celebrate; the end of the school year, the end of university, the end of childhood.
We all moved out the next morning, our parents arrived in their vehicles, we packed everything up, what couldn’t fix wasn’t coming home, we said our tearful goodbyes, got into our cars and drove the different directions back to our hometowns, as I turned on the radio in my small compact car, which was bursting at the seams with all of the stuff I had accumulated over the last four years a Rascal Flatts song blared through the speakers, the song was called “I’m moving on”,

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived that I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on


I found new meaning in this song, I related to it, I was moving one, but I was not forgetting, not in the least.  As I drove toward  the highway I let the final tear of my youth fall, ready to embrace life as an adult, a graduate from university, and someone who had met great people while I was gone, learned a great deal about life, and love, and who I want to be in the future, I was ready to move on.


© Copyright 2003 Stephanie McMillan - All Rights Reserved
kitkat
Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878
Nova Scotia
1 posted 2003-05-03 12:31 PM


may your new Journey be a pleasent one.

Life is a story waiting to happen..Go on.... Create, Live and Love

Martini
Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
2 posted 2003-05-05 09:15 AM


Thank you so much for your reply

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member
since 2002-05-22
Posts 1667
New York
3 posted 2003-06-21 12:08 PM


Congrats and Good Luck!

                   Love,
             xXx~*KELLIE*~xXx
*My poetry website
http://www.freewebs.com/poettree/

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
4 posted 2003-06-28 10:36 PM


Steph,
I sure wish I had read this in time to vote. Cool write. I'm sure many have a parallel experience to yours. But this describes it well. Thanks for the memories!

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

tonia
Junior Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 41
taiwan
5 posted 2003-06-28 10:51 PM


I underdstand the harshness of reality. as long as you have faith, nothing's to worry. hope that you will be able to create a new fantastic life! best luck to you~
Martini
Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
6 posted 2003-08-22 11:01 AM


thank you all for your sweet replies

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