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Dear Mr. Player
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Dear Mr. Player |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida 
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Dear Mr. Player, I still think about you. Sometimes you are in my dreams. It's not like it used to be though. I no longer wish you were what I wanted you to be. I understand that what I wanted was just too much for you to give. But for the most part I wonder if you have lost yourself yet in who you pretend to be? I remember once you told me you didn’t want to grow old alone. Do you understand that the company you keep doesn’t always guarantee happiness? You care so much what others think. Do you ever wonder what you might be giving up, to keep up? You didn’t just throw away the friendship I offered. You stomped on the face of my innocent attempt to be and give the naïve love of a friendship borne of selflessness. And yet I kept on trying. Believing in my heart that I could make you see what real friendship was. It took awhile for me to realize you already knew and wanted no part of something so solid. Your indifference will not keep me from seeking the love and comfort of another. Your lack of sincere character will not hold me back from trusting. I will go forward with renewed abandonment to find, and give all that I am capable of, never faltering with fear because of what you couldn’t give. I hope my lack of anger confuses you and teaches you that I am more than you can ever aspire to be because I accepted and loved you not in spite of who you are but rather, because of who you are and it wasn’t deserved. Me. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Susan Caldwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I think I know this guy! Well done. I think I would have written with more acidity so you did a great job of forgiving this 'player'.  |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
The best thing you did was realize it for yourself. But I love how you "told him"! |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
I am probably going to sound a little contradictory here, and so shall tread lightly on your hurt feelings, for there is quite a bit of pain here, and denying anger the first clue. You said you gave love selflessly and yet clearly you had expectations of someone changing though you seemed to have known going into the situation this person was 'less than' you wanted them to be... The only people that can be changed in our lives are ourselves and that starts with no more [naive love]...is there really such a thing? [Players].... though I rarely play poker, I never enter the game unless I can afford to....and it has to be the same in the game of life. If this sounds preachy, I beg your pardon, for by me writing these things I am affirming them once more in my mind. That is the greatness of this piece of prose; wonderful reminders and cause for pause...a reflection of my experiences and remembering when I choose to trust others before I took the time to get to know them. Risks we take in trying to enrich our own lives, through others...is not selfless! For me, it is self-centered to the nth degree...and okay, too.... Precept: selfless ~for me~...doesn't exist often..I usually have a plan than includes a stroking from that other person of the very essence of who I am and visa versa....and an expectation of that other person firmly in place. My friedship will never make someone love me the way I'd like them to...and if it does that is not saying much for the other person...Clearly that is what you have discovered here. Love to me, especially [selfless love] is respect, no matter how hard that is to do...respecting someone and accepting who they are, as is....I might not respect the negative characteristics they hang onto and don't change, choices they make and how they choose to live but I do respect their right to do it... and, yes that does definitely hurt if they've given us an idea we might just be able to change them...or with [naive love] we decided subconsciously we can change them... I thank you for this for it has many facets of loving and letting go and learning as we move forward ever seeking love from others... No man is an island, a lesson I just now am learning myself for what seems the tenth time.... May you find love to enrich you as you give back equally... Thank you for this Hugs, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Brad Majors 
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
This piece is really awesome. Unfortaunately many of us guys don't realize what we have lost til its gone |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I understand you perfectly. And also about loving unconditionally. I understand you didn't expect him to change, but needed him to open up, allow you in so you could feel that you were as important in his life as he was to you. I understand that and felt as if I could have written this myself. It's not so much that we expect or want change. We want evolution. We want what was hinted at from the beginning. We are unmasked and just want the same from him. M [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (05-06-2003 11:31 AM).] |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
You are exactly right. I knew who he really was and tried to hide so well. He was afraid and I wanted to show him he didn't have to be with me. He never took the chance. Susan |
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