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Ramble and rant: Love? Joy? I wouldn't know. Pain? yes, of course.
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Ramble and rant: Love? Joy? I wouldn't know. Pain? yes, of course.
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Ramble and rant: Love? Joy? I wouldn't know. Pain? yes, of course. |
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IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
Tell me, what is love? How does it feel? A simple enough word. four letters. One syllable. love. Yet within its simplicity lies every single emotion felt by man, all united by this one little thing. I see many write of how great love is, how painful love is...how mysterious, how grand, how perfect... I only wish I could write something like that. Sure I can put it words or speak it, but I cannot put myself in it, it would be like an empty husk, devoid of any feeling. Why, one might ask. Because i do not know love. Love to me is like the air. I know it's around me, but i cannot see it, touch it, or feel it. Many say to me, "but your family loves you". I'm sure they do, but it's easy to forget when it isn't shown. Not once have I heard them say, "Good Job" or "You're doing Great!" But rather "Why did you get a grade this low?" or "What's wrong with you?". I've lived without encouragement for nearly all my life. My achievements go unnoticed, but my failures are aways in the spotlight. I'm expected to be perfect, and nothing less is acceptable. I grow more distant by the second. I rarely say more than five sentences to them a day. Some days not even a word is exchanged between us. So, take all that, and multiply it by 14 years, and what do u get? A dysfunctional, depressing, pessimistic, solitary geek. Love I do not know, but pain I am the expert. Yes, no matter what happens, I can always count on pain to be there with me, a rain cloud that forever follows me. I would see my family and friends so close together, and I would be the loner sulkin in the shadows. I would smile and laugh with them, desperately trying to hide the grief, hoping my fascade seems real enough. I would, and still frequently, curl up in the corner of my room. Drapes down. Lights shut. Total darkness and no light at all, just like me. Then the tears would fall and never stop, each drop, within it's reflection a memory. How carefree my toddler years were. How sociable I was when i was a child. And how cold I have become today. Anguish was the only way Sleep could rest my eyes. IIn my dreams I would see the sum of my accomplishments, and how insignificant they were. They were nothing...I was nothing. I often asked myself why I kept on going when I had nothing to keep me on. But my heart kept whispering, Wait a while, tomorrow might be different... So I keep on waiting for that fateful tomorrow. When I would be recognised, I would be cared. Would be loved. And when my smiles would be true and my heart could finaly do what it was intended to do. And when I would cry just a little less......Maybe, then, just maybe, I too will know what love is... [This message has been edited by IcyFlamez89 (04-11-2003 11:57 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 George Salazar - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
This aches...  Tomorrow will come. Like you, I spent years waiting for tomorrow. It will come. If you want to talk to someone, email me.  Kielo I know only one thing, and that thing is that I know nothing. [This message has been edited by Kielo (04-12-2003 12:34 PM).] |
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IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
Thank you for your compassion. Nice to know I will have at least one person to talk to (smiles very weakly) |
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Ramble and rant: Love? Joy? I wouldn't know. Pain? yes, of course.
