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Forgetting the taste of tears
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Forgetting the taste of tears |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Pretty soon, it gets to the point where you don't miss them anymore. Or, atleast, you don't miss them the same way you used to, crying your eyes out everytime you notice that another milestone has passed you by without them. Wondering what it would be like if you could see them again, if they just walked up to you on the street. Looking around, trying to catch a glimpse of them at the theatre or the supermarket, or just walking down the street or the hallways at school, even though you know they'll never be there. Pretty soon, you start to forget the impact they had on your life. You forget the walks you took with them, the glances you exchanged. You forget about the laughter, and the tears, and the stories you told while roasting marshmellows in the fireplace at four in the morning while one of you holds a spatula covered in cookie dough in the flames at "just the right angle" to, hours later, form the perfect cookie. You forget the special times you had, how you would stay up late with them, talking about whatever floated between your ears and listening. You stop crying every time your life changes without them. You stop wishing that they were with you to expirence what you're expirencing with. You stop wanting things to be that way they always were, which was the perfect way for that time, but that time has become this time and this time is different. You stop remembering what you were wearing the day you met them, or what the first thing you said to them was. Pretty soon, you stop forgetting to cry for them on their birthday, and your birthday, and the day you last saw them. And you start to forget the way that tears tasted in the first place. Soon enough, you stop going back to the places you used to frequent together, stop hanging out at all the local haunts. You stop seeing the friends that are still around, the ones that remind you of them, always saying "Remember when" when you don't remember at all. When you don't want to. You make new friends, who will say "remember that time we" and you will laugh and smile and exclaim some happy remark, agreeing with them later that they were right when they said you would laugh at it later. You'll forget their favorite color, or the way they wore their hair, or that fight you had in seventh grade gym class about who got to be first in line for kickball. You'll forget about the time you ratted them out to the gym teacher for climbing on the old, abandoned bus at school. You'll remember all the notes you passed with them, but forget where you put them, or even if you have them anymore. You will forget the sound of their voice, and wish there was just a number you could call to hear a recording of it, but there won't be. The seasons will change, it will get cold, then warm again and sometimes you'll wonder how it feels to be burried six feet under the ground, and you'll realize that corpses don't feel, a thought that makes you cry. You'll regret not going to their funeral, and come up with some scatterbrained plan that maybe if you go to every funeral in your local church for six or seven years that maybe that could make up for the one you missed, and you'll realize it won't. The world around you will keep moving, and you have to keep moving with it, and it will try to tear every memory away from you, but it won't. Inside your head, you'll build up an unconcious memory bank of all the times you spent with them, all the elements of them that overtime you've forgotten, and one or two or ten years down the road, you'll walk into some random building and the dam holding back all of the memories and all of the emotion will break, and you'll be flooded with so much raw feeling that you'll be dumbfounded, but you'll realize that you never forgot them. And it is then that you will remember them and remember what it's like to taste your tears. "Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns."~Anon. [This message has been edited by Allysa (04-03-2003 08:16 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Allysa, =================== and remember what it's like to taste your tears. =================== Too wise, too soon. You have expressed yourself very well. Peace to you.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Allysa, you should submit this for Chicken Soup (i hope you're a fan too)..Rather than being neglected in this dusty forsaken corner, this is well deserving of a wider audience... excellent write...and to say that you held my attention all the way through despite its length is a compliment in itself, if you take my words in good faith.. |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
even if you do forget the specifics, you will never forget the person. the memory that they were part of your life will always remain with you and that is the important memory. "The usefulness of a cup is in its emptiness, for a cup that is full can hold no more." |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
 Life may be hard, but it's your attitude that determines your happieness |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Well, I finally took you up on the submitting it to Chicken Soup thing. Just clicked and sent it away moments ago. Thanks for the encouragement. |
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