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Marshalzu
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since 2001-02-15
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Lurking

0 posted 2003-03-31 03:59 PM


Treatment #1.  - 30/03/2003.

“Do not deceive me, I know your name” blasted the tall figure, the bitterness and contempt
apparent in his voice
“Yes we know who you are and what you do, so just admit it, it will make you feel better” said
another figure, this one slightly shorter and calmer than the other “yes it will make you feel
better. So tell us, what is your name?”

The question was greeted with silence.

“Silence won’t protect you, we already know what we need to know” yelled the tall figure “so
answer our questions”.

The room was silent again.

“Apply the treatment,” said the shorter figure.

Another figure moved into the light of the dark room, the face of the figure was shrouded by a
deep black hood. The figure took a long shiny object from beneath the black cloak that hung
around its neck and then disappeared into the dark.

A scream echoed through the room, ringing in the ears of the three dark figures, it was a
haunting scream that clung to every surface, lingering on the air for an eternity until it faded into
the shadows.

“The subject is ready,” whispered the hooded figure before stepping into the darkness once more.

“Do not deceive me...” began the tall figure once again




My Violent Bedtime Stories

[This message has been edited by Marshalzu (04-01-2003 05:35 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved
kaile
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since 2000-02-06
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singapore
1 posted 2003-04-04 01:17 PM


Hi Marshalzu,

your title intrigued me..what's with the #1, may i ask?

"The subject is ready"

so many possibilities with this line...i'm thinking this figure helps to brainwash people so they will succumb easier...

and my first instinct was chemical warfare...fancy that! it must be due to the war...

hmm, what was your intent by that line?


Skyfire
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Riding
2 posted 2003-04-05 10:15 PM


You already know what I think, but it's worthy of a bump from me.  Miss you
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

3 posted 2003-04-06 01:26 AM


Were it not for your title I might suspect that the person being interrogated had gone through "the treatment" a thousand times.

The picture you paint of interrogation is a vivid and haunting one indeed.  However, you might like to work on some of your wording and grammar:

quote:
A scream echoed through the room, ringing in the ears of the three dark figures, it was a
haunting scream that clung to every surface, lingering on the air for an eternity until it faded into
the shadows.


This is a runon sentence.

Anyhow, with a bit of improvement, this piece would pack even more of a punch!

Good writing and nice to see you around here too.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

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