navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » i wrote this a while back
Passions in Prose
Post A Reply Post New Topic i wrote this a while back Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Fariegirl
Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 147


0 posted 2003-02-07 11:26 AM




            He never talked much, John, so no one knew much about him. John was killed recently, shot to say the least. The bullet was strong, much to strong; it went straight through him, in and out of the wall and landed softly on the bed. The police had been investigating the murder for several weeks now and it seemed that they would never find even a suspect. There were no fingerprints anywhere; John didn’t have a computer or even a television. The police had nothing but a bullet. It had been seven weeks since they had been investigating the murder when two girls named Marie and Kay came up to the station and said they knew something about it. The first thing the police did was start doubting it, then they thought that at least if they interviewed the girls they would have something about what happened that night.

“What did you see?” asked Deputy Bob. “Nothing, we were two thousand miles away when it happened.” answered Kay. “ I saw something, but it was in my mind.” Said Marie  “ Then why do you say you know something about the murder?” Bob asked. “We do.” Kay answered simply. “Okay, what do you know?” asked Bob patiently. “Who do you wish to speak first?” asked Marie “Who ever wants to go first.” answered Bob. As soon as he said that the girls quickly started talking to each other in sign language. “We have decided to let Kay go first.” Said Marie. “Okay, begin.” Said Bob “I was at home, staring at the beautiful moon, it was full, but it was acting strangely that night…” “Get on with it.” Interrupted Bob “I did not see the normal friendly man-in-the-moon.” Continued Kay as though Bob had said nothing at all. “He seemed foul and hateful.” Said Kay.

She looked at Marie. “I was also outside at my home, sitting beside my sister, Kay, but I was not watching the moon rise, I was watching the sun go down, it too did seem not it’s usual self, it seemed lonely and strange.” Said Marie “What does any of this have to do with the murder of John Latenburg?” asked Bob impatiently. “Just when I thought that the moon could be telling me something bad.” Said Kay “I heard something, more than a cry and much more than a scream, I heard the sound of death.” Said Kay. Then for the second time she looked at her sister, Marie. Then with a nod Marie began. “I also was being spoken to, but through the sun, it dimmed slightly then, without warning, it flashed a great light, as if in were day time. I saw something strange, but not bad like the sight of death, it was the sight of a new world, a welcoming world, the lovely sight of the most wonderful thing ever to be brought in to this universe, love.” Said Marie. “If he was dying than why did you see love?” Bob asked. “Because, he was being welcomed into Heaven.” Answered Kay.

“Then I hard a voice, a voice saying, “ My name is Ethan Demonstra, and I am the last person you will meet on this earth, and now you will die.” Then I heard the piercing cries of lives long lost through one person’s mouth.” Said Kay.
its not that good,but i was 10 when i wrote it.

© Copyright 2003 Kathryn Duncan - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-02-07 11:38 AM



Welcome to Passions!  I hope you enjoy yourself...

As for this story, you've got a great start.  I would like to see you work on this, now that you're older, and see what you can develop along the storyline.  Flesh it out a bit.  You had a good beginning, and were building up some good mystery.  

Jaime
Registered
Member
Posts 250

2 posted 2003-02-07 12:46 PM


I agree with Sunshine... this is a great start.

Welcome to Passions. I hope you enjoy yourself here.

faeries rule

- Jaime

Shiva went on break now look at how much it's gonna take to make this place a space where we can breathe.

SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
3 posted 2003-02-11 11:02 PM


This held the attention, hope you can give us more.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
4 posted 2003-02-17 06:17 AM


Interesting...James
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » i wrote this a while back

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary