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The Letter
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The Letter |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA 
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The Letter All he wanted was a coalition of spirits, but what he received was a stinging dose of reality. January is a bitter month in many chilling ways. It's the time of year you pay more attention to the news; think more about family and what Aunt Jane is doing; a time where your car's age is in direct proportion to the attention it was given during late fall; a time where time passes slowly. D left tomorrow for today and arrived a bit early. He hated January but escape was a stalag without a gate, so he populated each minute waiting for her to return from Europe in the spring. He made friends with loneliness but found winter a bit more coldly. Right now, in a pregnant paused moment: that was what he wanted to just drift by him as quickly as possible. D left the hearth-warm house, bundled against a bracing wind, and watched over his shoulder as his own snowy footprints followed him to the edge of the woods. He was in search of the large oak without a top and sans any remaining limbs. Denizens of this sanctuary had clawed, chewed and pawed its middle out until it became a solitary wooden bone sticking up defiantly out of the ground. 10 years ago when they were first married, D carved her initials along with his on that trunk. 5 years later a random anger bolt from God had decimated all but the long thick trunk of the oak. He crept up like an assassin on the tree half-expecting some sleeping squirrel to pop his interrupted head out of the topknot and hurl down some woodsy obscenities at him. But the forest bit its tongue, and like winter is likely to do, muffled all sound save for his boots perforating the top crusty layer of snow. He ran his hand over the gouged wound of the oak, allowing a flood of memory to overwhelm him for an instant. He thought of his 3 year old girl who couldn’t understand that D's job kept him away from home for days on end, as he bartered jet rides from one hotel to another. He thought of her in her checkered halter with the funny tan lines crossing her back like a shadow that wouldn’t go away. He thought of her, and mostly wondered if she even thought of him. He took out his pencil and paper and traced an image on it. He folded it carefully, corners matching precisely like military sheets prior to inspection, and tucked it into the envelope with his wife and daughter’s name on it. His fingers sighed, and when they relaxed, the envelope floated lazily toward the snow. He was struck by the illusion of it as the snow blended in with the white of the parcel so only the red letters of the name and address were neon on the snow’s face. He let it bleed there for a moment, picked it up gingerly and took a knife from his coat pocket, made an incision and walked slowly back to the house, an ice path from his eyes striping his wind-blushed cheek the only outward sign of his deep emotion. ~ ~ ~ She came home 4 days later arriving on a midnight flight. Their daughter was asleep in her arms still clutching the love-heart engraving he had done on paper, and laid her quietly down by the silently sleeping D. She took one last look at the bark of wood he had mailed her and remembered their entire Why’s in a husky contented moan. She woke him up with the Three Words of Forever and a teardrop. (C) 2003 Picasso Lyrics [This message has been edited by ShadowRider (01-03-2003 01:47 AM).] |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
This is really beautiful. I like how these two belong together, their sense of history and connection. Although I can see opportunity for more development...simply in descriptive details (maybe the selfish wish to escape a while longer)...the flavor of the write is incredible. I felt Eurpope in this piece. I felt the masculinity of the man, the junctions of time and elements in the symbolism of the tree and the metaphor of love in all the movements and choices made. Absolutely wonderful. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jeff...this is touchingly real, put together with just the right charm of love feeling, especially in the end where I was moved to moist eyes and a smile. Thank you for the great reading! |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
This is a powerful piece Jeff, I could see him in the woods, but I REALLY saw her, holding that piece of bark. |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
Katrina, how very nice to have you read this attempt at a short story. It was wonderful reading your work again. I wish i had the time to spend sifting these forums....alas... Thank you for understanding the human components of gender i tried to inject. You knew what i was trying to do, didn't do? *s* |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
Martie, sweet gal.....apologies for the induced tears. I was merely hoping for a tug on the heart. You are too kind, and it is a great honor to be reviewed and read by you. Hope you are well....may your muse's well never run dry. Jeff |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
Hi and good evening, Kacy! I should have put more word-meat and bones on my characters. I would just, someday, like to be locked in a room with only my music, books, and no obligations for working, earning paychecks, etc. and just WRITE. I think the stories i write have one major flaw: not enough substance. Like a Reader's Digest Digested version. *s* Thanks for meeting my characters, Kacy. and thanks for the sweet words. Jeff |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
I wanted to clarify a point I made earlier. When I made the comment about the masculinity of the character it was out of appreciation. As a woman it is hard to get in the mind of a man and see the perception he holds in regards to love/relationships/commitment. You successfully did that. I wish I had the depth, so as to portray characters more realistically. Hemingway was a man's man and could write a mans insides...this writing had that quality/characteristic...that's all I meant to say...  |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Interesting post. I like your personification of elements in nature as well as emotions. The interaction between the carved paper heart and the snow is also well written. I like the little touch you add about it bleeding. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
Katrina, yes, of course I knew what you alluded to, no apologies needed for that. It pays to 'listen' to women, even if they prattle on....teasing. The depth of a character in a poem is almost always determined by the insight of their gender and the degree to which side they lean to. Appreciate your thoughts as they always get me thim-king. Thankx! Fracta: i am pleased you noted that: i was going for contrast and melting emotions and probably a bit of hesitation on the part of the Sender. You are very kind....appreciate it! Jeff |
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