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The Mysterious Door....my first story...
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The Mysterious Door....my first story... |
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EINSTEIN New Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 5USA |
"Oh no!' I shrieked as I was walking home with my friend. I told him that I had forgotten my book at school. Without warning, I dashed away at the speed of light. As soon as I reached home, I ran toward towards my mom and asked her if we could go back to school. After about 5 minutes of pleading, I hit the road. Right after I entered the school, I sprinted towards my class. In all that rush, I didn't even notice the eerie music that filled the room. Just as I was about to grab my book, I was pulled away from my desk and drawn towards the storage cabinet in the back of the room. Unbelievably, the padlock lay on the ground, open! The door was floating a mere 2 inches off the ground!! It was glowing a blinding green! The music pulled me towards it and as I opened it I saw...… ...A magical land of castles, horses, and people in rich clothing. After a moment of recovery from the shock of traveling back about four centuries and across the Atlantic Ocean, I was back to normal. I had landed in an open plain surrounded by lush green forest. I looked back at the spot where I landed, but saw nothing. I decided that the green door was the portal to a completely different dimension. I walked towards the forest and I was just about to enter it when it hit me - how was I supposed to get home? I thought that since had a once in a lifetime opportunity, I might as well explore. After about half an hour, I decided to take a break and have lunch. Luckily, there were some berries nearby. I rested with my back to a tree and had lunch. The food wasn't really that bad. Another quarter hour passed and I was ready to go. I thought I could see the forest's end, and with great determination, I started running. Success, I was there, I looked up to see a magnificent castle! I walked to the point where the drawbridge would land. A man spotted me from a tiny window on the face of the castle and asked why I came. I explained to him about my journey through time, although I knew he had no idea of anything I said. A man at the top of the castle brought down the drawbridge and I entered. The walls of the interior and exterior of the castle were made of sparkling granite. I met the man who was at the window and he introduced himself as King Louis VII. He was the king at the castle. I bowed down at his feet and introduced myself as well. Then he introduced his three sons: Primus, Secondus, and Tertius. Primus was a knight, while Secondus and Tertius were squires. Tertius showed me around the castle and introduced me to his mother, Queen Elizabeth. I learned later that there was a curse at Meliot, the name of the town. There was an evil knight named the Black Knight. He was charging a small sum to whoever entered or left the town. No one could defeat him in a joust, for he had the best horse and best training. I took it up as my challenge to beat the Black Knight. A few weeks after I arrived and started training, I was ready for him. King Louis VII gave me a white stallion to use for the joust, a lance, and armor. I faced him and, made sure everything was in place and charged! I came close to him, braced myself and - victory! The Black Knight was defeated! Everyone cheered loudly for my incredible victory. We had a huge celebration that night with fantastic food and great entertainment. I decided to leave the next day, for it had already been about a month since I came to Meliot. The next day, I headed back to the place where I first arrived at this dreamland where everything was just perfect. To my surprise, there was a door glowing a blinding green right in the middle of the vast field!! I said my final goodbyes and entered through the door back to school. It was as though I had just been at my dreamland for a second. Everything was the same way I had left it. I got my book and walked slowly out of the building, and back to my car. All in all, it was a good vacation for about a month. Maybe I'll go back, just maybe. ~~~~0~~~~ |
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| © Copyright 2002 AJ - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 What a fantastic first post! Glad you came back through the portal though, or we might never had had this chance to meet you, Einstein!Welcome to the land of poetry and prose, and lots of other good things you'll find on these blue pages. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Holy cow! What a wonderful write. How cool that you have joined Passions! You've made your parents proud, I'm sure. More please...we want more.  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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EINSTEIN New Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 5USA |
Midnitesun : Thank you. I'm glad I came through the portal too, or else I wouldn't have been able to meet anyone in Passions.  Larry C. : Thank you for reading and replying so kindly. Don't worry, I will have many more posts coming!  |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
This is very good. I'd like to see what you could do with it by 'fleshing it out'...give me some more dialogue. Maybe a bit more description of the place and the people. The limit for stories is about 5,000 words so I'm sure you could get in under that!! LOL If you ever have any questions, please feel free to ask. Everyone here is willing to help out a new young writer. Welcome to Passions!!! |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
I understand you are quite a young writer at approximately 11 years. I gotta say this is a very good post. I wish I wrote like this when I was eleven. You sucject of time warps and wormholes is admirable. Do u like sci fi? Anyhow, keep writing and improving and I think you will go far as a writer. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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EINSTEIN New Member
since 2002-12-21
Posts 5USA |
Poet deVine : Thank you for reading my story. Many people have told me that I need to add more dialogue in my stories and I am working on it. fractal007 : Thank you also for reading my story. I love blackholes, wormholes, time machines, and anything to do with science fiction. |
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