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Scattered Reflections
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Scattered Reflections |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding 
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I sat watching him put the doorknob on the door. Or... attempt to put it on, anyway. All I could do was watch... no motivation to do anything. So I sat; and watched. He got really annoyed when he found out he had put it on backwards, but I just laughed at him. He eventually admitted that it was pretty funny, and returned to the process of swearing loudly and making occasional progress with the doorknob. I made a crack about how he owed me dinner and taught him a few new cuss words. I looked around me... I'll probably be there a lot in the future. It has that "home' feel for some reason. I think it's the silence there that attracts me. I watched his movements with the eyes of an unrepentant woman. I want him, but I can't have him. For some reason he won't have me. It's because I'm not blonde, I don't wear pink, and my name is not... But I digress. I love him but can't have him. We squabble like a married couple but are too close to be lovers. I watch him finish putting the doorknob on and he turns to look at me. Yes, I'm ready to go, I've been ready to go since we got here. The corner couch will look awesome in this place. go easy please  [This message has been edited by Skyfire (12-03-2002 04:45 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I read this twice before even venturing to drop down and say something. I like what you have started but think it needs to be fleshed out more. Let us as readers see more of who this is and what the relationship is between the two. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I agree with Ron. The emotion comes through very well, and I really liked how it was done in such a subtle, down-played manner, almost as if an afterthought. However, I think you need more of a continuous line of thought - the way it stands, it's like a snapshot image... which is ok, but hardly satisfying. Perhaps you could introduce some continuity of thought being interrupted by this event - some 'lesson' (used lightly) addressed? Just some ideas. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
...more, please?I like.  "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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EagleScorpion Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644Here, Now, Forever |
yea i know what you talk about when you say "too close to be lovers".. you are lovers, you know, just in a different way.. not conforming to the typical idea of "lovers". We are all lovers. He wont HAVE you,huh? What exactly does that mean? Dare I ask? What is missing here? What is that one missing piece that you are longing for? Dare I ask? Dare I ask? |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Whoa! This was a nice racy piece, very amusing. I love your reference to the place being very quiet just after there being all that swearing and cussing there. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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