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Darion(Revised)-Part I
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Darion(Revised)-Part I |
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AceoConas Junior Member
since 2002-04-20
Posts 27AK, anchorage |
Okay. My first attempt at this was pretty pathetic. This is a completely changed, and longer, Part I. Enjoy  ********************* "No!" Aceo jumped out of bed at the sound of his brother's cry. He ran down the hall and threw open the door to Conas' room. He sat in the corner, sobbing silently. "It was the dream," He wispered. Aceo felt a pang of hurt.Only a few days ago he had witnessed his father's death... *** His father stood, glaring defiantly at the warrior. His foe ran towards him, a look of fury on his face. At the last second, he lept behind Aceo's father, and whispered"Do you really think you could have protected her?" as he stabbed him. He turned towards Conas and started to slowly walk toward him. "You must be the chosen. I think I'll just kill you now, to save the trouble." As he approached the boy, a look of rage covered his face as, instead of stepping back, Conas walked toward him."You insolent brat!" Viper shouted as Conas drew a sword, preparing to defend himself. As if Conas had blown out a candle, Viper dissapeared. ************************** Tell me what you think about it, what I should change, and whether I should keep the same story. Aceo |
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| © Copyright 2002 John Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AceoConas Junior Member
since 2002-04-20
Posts 27AK, anchorage |
n |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
Aceo, a very good beginning, it has action and plot and could have a strong storyline. Do you have a direction you want it to take? If so it could be a brilliant story. Keth Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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AceoConas Junior Member
since 2002-04-20
Posts 27AK, anchorage |
Yeah, put it would ruin the plot to tell you...Look for part two! Aceo |
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AceoConas Junior Member
since 2002-04-20
Posts 27AK, anchorage |
I'm so sorry I haven't been posting!!!! Sadly, I've scratched that story, but, on a higher note, i've taken the storyline, changed the storyline, added some stuff, and made it better!!  Look for it!! i'ts called the final act, and won't be on until tommorow!! And, Annetta, if you're reading this, come on and tell me it's corny and I swear I'll kill you!!!Aceo ~I'm dead!! Inside Joke!!!  |
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