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Dear Diary (Crackers In My Pocket)
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Dear Diary (Crackers In My Pocket) |
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HM3 Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 169TX |
On a recent weekend getaway to Galveston we had the most incredible experiences. We arrived late on a Friday nite and as is our custom, immediately after checking in to our room we headed for the beach to see what treasures the ocean had left for us to find. It was cloudy and only the lite from the seawall allowed us to have a limited view of the shores’ content. We walked along slowly basking in the sounds of the waves and enjoying the sand and surf. As we walked we noticed several jellyfish that had washed ashore and as the tide came they were being buried quietly in the nite. As we continued our journey stopping frequently to pick up a shell or rock after nudging it with a shoe to ensure that no creature was still using it, we came across an interesting find. It was a shiny, rounded but mostly flat looking thing and we weren’t certain if it was a rock, driftwood, or a living thing. My husband (my hero) nudged at it lightly with his tennis shoe and as we looked, it lit up a neon blue! We still do not know what it was or if all of it was there. We thought maybe it was from the jellyfish family but we continued to walk the beach and after our hands were full we made our way back to our room appreciative of our venture. I awoke the next morning and I told my husband, my hero of my dream which I very rarely can recall. I saw what looked to be a pair of very small elephant looking creatures living in a most still, tranquil clear water. One of the creatures seemed more play full than the other and it approached me in just that way as the other sat at a more comfortable distance. While I saw elephant features I was reminded of our dog Scooter. The way he looks at me, dances, and sits were very similar to the more playful one. I remember thinking, why is a dog underwater? As I stood there watching, he or she sat down at the waters edge and raised its’ trunk upright all the while the kind smiling eyes looked deep into my soul. As the trunk raised the water receded quickly but as calmly as it had been when I first noticed the creatures. I had crackers in my pocket left over from dinner the nite before that I had planned to offer to the gulls and as I recalled the dream, I told my husband that I believed the creature wanted my crackers and while I had no other memory of the dream, I was certain I would have been happy to share my crackers with them. I have no idea what the dream related to or what the symbols point to. I do know that it was a calming and relaxed feeling and I would venture to guess that I smiled in my sleep and maybe even laughed out loud. My husband thought perhaps it was a book just waiting for me write. Perhaps that is true but for now, it is just a cool and partial memory of a dream. Once again after breakfast we headed back to the beaches. As we drove along the seawall my eyes were drawn to the movement of a young man on a raised cement covered area at the edge of the seawall. As I watched him dance, welcoming the day I felt his joy along with mine. Just as we were approaching the paid entry my friend, m who was also on a venture but traveling much farther to Wisconsin called. The Friday we left for Galveston was her 45 th birthday and I had thought about her often during the drive to Galveston and as we were walking the beaches. My desire to call her and wish her a happy birthday was dwarfed by my need not to bother her on her trip. We had celebrated her birthday the Tuesday before so I reasoned it wasn’t rude if I didn’t call but may be rude if I did. I was excited that she called (do you suppose she was sharing a cracker?) because I expected that we would not hear from them before they returned in about ten days. When she is gone, or in my mind out of my reach, I get anxious waiting for her to return to just down the street and around the corner which is as far away as I prefer her to be. Not practical for either of us but it is where I am nonetheless and I have been this way for over twenty years now. The Buddhists say there are eight winds, gain and loss, praise and ridicule, credit and blame, and suffering and joy. I expect to someday adapt to a greater comfort zone but I am still digging, looking for what wind blows me in that direction. I don’t know what part of me is unhealed. She was calling to make sure we made it safely and while she didn’t say it, I surmised that the phone call I didn’t make the day before was not unlike the cracker in my pocket. I intended to share but it was still unopened and still in my pocket. We spoke briefly and before saying good-bye exchanged yet another I love you that for me was overshadowed. I felt just as much guilt (regret unanswered) as I was excited to hear from her. I am aware that I make decisions for her and I am even more aware that when I do more often than not, it isn’t what she would have chosen. For not calling the nite before as my heart intended and allowing my mind to convince me to do nothing, another I love you was lost to the wind and again it feeds the wrong "dog". What is worse is I am aware of it! The doubt dog is voracious and demands to be fed and I allow him to eat. Maybe that is what my dream was trying to show me. . . The creature that seemed more play full than the other and approached me in just that way, was really the doubt dog that I had fed so many times before and the other that sat at a more comfortable distance was the dog I should have fed even though there was apprehension! As the trunk raised the water receded quickly but as calmly as it had been when I first noticed the creatures taking all of the I love you messages and other of life’s lessons learned but not yet applied (unopened crackers) with it. Who let the dogs out now has a whole new meaning for me. Other interpretations are welcome but I think I may have the right insight on this one. Mark and I decided to pay the $5 and start beach combing. We hadn’t been to this beach since November and we had gathered a multitude of barnacles and now there were few to be seen. We determined barnacle season must be long gone so we began looking for other items of interest. We made our own serpentine path leading from one jetty to the other and as we ended where we began we put the newly found gifts of the sand and sea in the trunk and returned for a brief rest in our room. We cleaned up quickly and decided to hit the antique shops to expand our treasure hunt. We walked and talked and touched for most of the afternoon. We decided to take the ferry and see where that would lead. We were among the last cars to board and there were many people gathering around the back and sides of the boat so we got out to enjoy the breeze and get a better view of what we were leaving behind. The sea gulls called loudly to the deck and circled and called as we set off. Many had brought bread to offer the gulls and I thought maybe they would be interested in saltine crackers. So I dug in my pocket and there I found three packages containing two each of mostly broken crackers. Undaunted I opened one package and hurled the fragment skyward wondering if it would get any attention from the bread driven feeders. To my delight it was accepted and I drew the attention of many gulls each looking mostly like the others. As I looked up to find the next gull a big, dark, shiny, black bird landed on the rail of the boat just a few feet from me. He was speaking loudly, vying for my attention and as I saw him sitting there I held my arm out fully extended holding a cracker bit with my thumb and forefinger and I spoke softly to him to take it if he wanted to avoid the competition from the swarm of gulls. He looked at me and walked toward me and took the cracker that I had been saving for the gulls. As I continued to hand feed the crow I couldn’t help noticing a man looking at me as if I were well, nuts. Apparently eating crow or feeding crow is not the custom in his mind. I didn’t dwell on his gaze or wonder what he might be thinking much longer than it took to notice him looking at me. I gave the crow his fill and then we were headed towards the stairs to the upper deck for an even better view. As we were walking toward the car my husband gasped! He had left his window down and we had been “bombed” by the gulls and the car had several hits. One would have been on his window had it been in the full and upright position. After a quick clean up and a bit of laughter coming from me, he rolled the window up and we continued once again to the stairs. As we looked to the shore we noticed a dark colored lighthouse. He knowing my love of lighthouses decided to take a road that could lead us to it. It was at this moment I regretted not bringing the camera. I was going to see my first lighthouse and would only be able to keep the picture in my mind. We drove down what seemed to be the main road and there it was. I saw my first lighthouse! I was grateful for the much needed weekend to rest and relax and what a pleasant surprise! We have been to Galveston many times and for whatever reason, neither of us could recall ever having seen it before. As the sun grew dimmer we headed back to our room. I was tired and weary but we hadn’t eaten since breakfast. We had planned to eat at a great Italian restaurant but since I was so tired, Mark called in our order assured that it would be delivered to our room. I went to the balcony with my book expecting to get in a few chapters before dinner arrived but I was so distracted by the view that my ears demanded I allow my eyes to see. After just a few pages I finally gave in, put the book down and accepted Mother Nature’s offer to show me the beauty surrounding me. As I looked out over the edge of the building, just beyond the “PLEASE DO NOT FEED GULLS” sign I could see the waves rolling in, filled with laughter, and I smiled to greet each wave until I grew more tired and went inside to lie down. Mark was surprised that I had come in before dinner was delivered and I told him it was just too distracting out there to read. After forty minutes we grew impatient for the knock on the door but just as Mark was going to call to inquire there was a welcome knock followed by the pleasant aroma of chicken Alfredo and fresh bread. This time I saved half of my bread for the gulls. By eight o’clock I was ready for sleep and so after a kiss good-nite I fell to sleep, weary, tired and refreshed from the fun filled day. If I dreamed Saturday nite it was lost in slumber. We woke before the sun and went hurriedly, coffee in hand to watch the sunrise. My being awake before sunrise and on spring forward Sunday is a most unusual thing. The tiredness was good for me because here I was ready to greet the morning in all its splendor. Looking out toward the water it was impossible to discern the horizon from the water. The clouds dipped to the water and the water reached for the sea. We talked and sipped and waited. Mark noticed something in the water and whatever it was had fins and there were at least two of them. Sharks? We couldn’t see them clearly and after a time they faded into the blue and we lost sight of them. Having witnessed the new day and quickly emerging the risk of running out of coffee, my hero, hunter gatherer went on a coffee quest and returned triumphant with three large cups. Two for me, one for him. Just one of the many reasons I love him so much. It’s the little things like coffee at my bedside every morning when I wake up repeated so faithfully for the last twenty four years that I appreciate the most. Having averted a coffee crisis he headed for the shower and I was once again drawn to the window coffee in hand. Several sips later I had a shower and we packed and dressed for the journey home. We packed our belongings and loaded everything in the back seat of the car then drove around to the front to check out. We knew we had to go down to the beach one more time and this time we were going to collect the small broken shells piled near the jetty to scatter at the base of our rosebushes. I am not a gardener nor do I play one on TV, but I knew that the small broken shells would keep snail intruders away from the roses. Mark parked the car on the seawall and opened the trunk, grabbed a handled plastic bag in the hand not holding the coffee and handed me the shovel from the sand toys. We made our way across the street, he walking more briskly than I, more receptive to heading home after this last “mission”. Me,walking more slowly with a cup of coffee in each hand with an unruly shovel and bread in my pocket. We approached the jetty and I wanted to walk to its’ edge before gathering the shells. Still walking more slowly and with the horizon clearly visible, we came to the edge and looked at the new day embracing us. A man was there fishing and as I watched him pull in his line, quietly I was hoping that the catch of the day would not be caught, especially while I was watching. I had postponed as long as I could and we made our way back to the sand. I still could not get in a hurry to scoop and go so I convinced Mark to walk down the beach one more time. I fed the gulls bread and we walked. Of course we found a few shells that we felt the need to pick up along the way but mostly, this time we walked. There were other people walking and looking out at the calm sea and we noticed a group that appeared excited about something in the water. I could hear them give directions to each other so they could see it too and we paused to look and there in the morning sun, just twenty feet away were beautiful dolphins, dancing in the sea. As they faded out of site we began our journey home just as we began, hand in hand. ~ Today I learned that I am most comfortable with doubt and when given the choice, it is the doubt dog that I feed first. I will make every effort to open the crackers in my pocket and as I feel the apprehension dig deeper into my heart to heal the pain inside.~ [This message has been edited by HM3 (edited 04-03-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Mark Ozee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This was quite good, I liked the generally positive tone of the story especially. The theme of breadcrumbs worked very well with the story... excellent job.  ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Very nice! I really liked the descriptive tone of the 'dreams.' They stood that way before me in technicolor... but not so much so that it overwhelmed, as Allan said, the positive overtones of the telling as a whole. And, in the end, a good lesson: Feed the doubt dogs first. Peace, Christopher [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 04-04-2001).] |
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