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Midnight Dew
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 50
Forest Lake, MN

0 posted 2001-02-26 03:37 PM


I'm not sure how much I like this, please critique expansively so I can maybe fix it up. Thank you!


My world has been a brighter place. It’s amazing how much you’ve changed me, how much I love you. It really is. I never thought I would be the type to let loose like this, to fall so totally. I always swore my life wouldn’t revolve around someone else. But now it does. It’s scary to be that dependent, especially since this earth is now losing her sun. I can see it now, looking in your eyes. The blight that has spread through your body has finally come to claim you.

I can’t believe you’re going to leave me. Life without you is unimaginable. How could I go on? I am so afraid. Every moment, every second of my life is taken up with you. What will I do when I no longer have your existence to take up my time? Who will I turn to? Who will I love? Who will love me?

Maybe I should come with you. I can see your eyes widening as I suggest this. I know what you’re going to say. You want me to go on, love another, live my life for you. What if I can’t? I would much rather go with you to a new place and chance ending up in an entirely different place. Now your eyes are filling with tears. Please don’t cry sweetheart. Please don’t. I promise I won’t do it. I won’t commit suicide, even if I end up praying for someone to kill me. I promise.

Oh love, how could you do this to me? How could you even think about leaving me alone? I would never leave you. I can’t believe you’re doing this. What will I do?

I know, I know, you’re the one who’s dying. But you don’t have to live alone, in this cruel and empty world. You will be in a beautiful world, you know you will. How could you not? If you’re an angel on Earth, it stands to reason that you would be an angel after your life is over. You can join your family in the sky and look down on me and watch over me. I can’t do that. I will never know what you’re doing at any specific time.

Okay, I’m being selfish. I’m sorry sweetheart. I just love you so. You hold my entire life in your hands. Such small hands to hold so much. Wait. Why are you gasping? You can’t be leaving me yet. I can’t survive without you. You’ve filled the void that has been inside me for so long. I can’t go back to that wasteland. Please don’t leave me! I can’t stand it.

Your eyes are filling with tears again. Are you in pain? What can I do? How can I help you? How can I take it away? Your eyes are filled with pain. I can’t stand seeing it. You’re so brave. Such a fighter. Wait, are you hanging on for me? Are you going through all this because I’m afraid? Oh sweetheart. This is much worse than anything before.

Let go. Move on to a better place, without me. I’ll somehow survive, I promise. I just can’t watch you in pain. Don’t protest love, just move on. Wait for me, never forget me, I’ll never forget you. I promise.


I love you too.




~Caitlin Hull~

"The Holy Spirit makes up all our souls, and when it 'flexes' it makes us do great things."



© Copyright 2001 Caitlin Hull - All Rights Reserved
Maverick Wolf
Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 94
Scandia, MN
1 posted 2001-02-26 09:55 PM


As someone who knows you, I don't know what to say. As someone random who is reading this, I kinda like it, and I kinda don't. I like the idea. The style is different, but quite fitting. The piece is quick paceand may even benefit from becoming more so. Nice write.

Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.


Secret Whisper
Member
since 2001-01-25
Posts 298
Through the Looking Glass
2 posted 2001-02-27 12:15 PM


Even though i HATE love writting, I really liked this piece. TO me it almost seems sorrowful. Wonderful though. Just wonderful.



"Death marks the beginning, not the end. It is our journey to God." --Billy Graham

Midnight Dew
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 50
Forest Lake, MN
3 posted 2001-03-02 11:11 PM


Well thank you very much, both of you. I really enjoy the responses, even when it's criticism. Maybe especially so. Also, I just want to say thank you to everyone for giving me a place to let my feelings and my fears go. I was afraid when I wrote this, but I recently found out that I didn't have to be. So thank you for listening to my scared ramblings.
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