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A Side of Eggs
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A Side of Eggs |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
She slipped further down her chair. The smooth back was like a slide. The growing hole in her sweater got caught in the loose screw and stopped her trip down to the floor. She straightened up and closed her eyes. Her fingers went up to her flushed face and pushed in her cheeks filled with air. The air came out slowly through two pieces of muscle and fat called lips. 'Two over easy eggs with a side of bacon,' read the sign above the station door. 'Two over easy pieces of bacon with a side of eggs,' was what she came up with. "ARGHHHH!" she growled at a passing gentlemen in an overcoat. He looked like her grandfather. He kept on walking. Her grandfather would have stopped and glared. "ARGHH!" She did it again. This time it was a college girl, fiddling with her purse strap. The college girl pretended to find some lipstick and sat on a bench on the other end of the station. A tall woman took long strides from the ticket office. "ARGHHH!" "Cut that out and come with me." Her mother pulled the little girl off the plastic chair and carried her to their bus to Toronto. "My girl doesn't growl at me does she?" said the mother with a tired smile. "She sleeps on my shoulder instead." [This message has been edited by JOY 14 (edited 02-10-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kristen Joy Jacobus - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
i liked this....very much. i'm not sure why. It was very true to life,your descriptions are clear and perfectly bluntly absolutely solid true to life. But it still have a mistyness to it.....is there more? sam Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Sam, Hmmm. It would be fun to continue this. I'll just have to let my mind flow and see what I come up with. This would be a fun story to write, now that I think about it. Stay tuned! Joy Our doubts are traitors, And make us loose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt. ~Shakespeare |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Joy, I finally got around to reading this story, as promised, so here's my thoughts. This was cute and entertaining. Not cute in a trite way, but cute in your description of life through a little girl's eyes. When we grow up, we often forget to be amused and curious about things the way children are, and you've shown this beautifully. I found this simple and subtlely funny, yet also poignant. Another highlight of this story was the aspect of mystery that was created because you didn't come out and say: a little girl sat in a restaurant (or train station?) and I will now tell you what you thought and did while she was there. This kind of storytelling is neat. It seems to make us keep reading and, after we are done reading, look at the world differently, if you know what I mean. Concise yet thought-provoking. Nice work. =) Ashley P.S. - If you do continue this story, I will certainly be interested in reading what you come up with, but I will say this piece stands up well on its own. Making it longer might take away from the simplicity that I liked so much, but that's just my opinion. |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
hmmm ashley may be right,making it longer might take away from the simplicity,your ending sentence is the perfect enigmatic ending sentence. my asking is there more was more of a 'can i read more prose like this please?' on the other hand i would like to see the story of the girl go on...hmmmm swamp Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Oh no. I see what you mean. Now I'm in a pickle. Well, I'll think about it. Not sure myself. Ashley, Thank you for your wonderful compliments. It certainly made me feel more confident in my prose. Joy Our doubts are traitors, And make us loose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt. ~Shakespeare |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Joy, You're welcome. It's always nice to pass the warm fuzzies around. =) As to your pickle, I've got an idea. Why don't you leave this story as is, but write a second, perhaps longer, story with this character (or a similar character) in it? Or take another element from this story and expand on it in a second story. That might solve your dilemma. Ashley |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Ashley, Actualy, I was thinking exactly on those lines. We have similar minds. Ahhh! Science experiment gone wrong? One brain split in two? LOL Joy Our doubts are traitors, And make us loose the good we oft might win By fearing to attempt. ~Shakespeare |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Joy, He he he. That must be it! =) Ashley |
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