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A Figure of Glass
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A Figure of Glass |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN 
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I stand before you a shadow of the creature I once was. At one time I was flesh and bone, but now I’m merely a shell. A glass husk, fragile and transparent, seething with the sooty cloud of my inner turmoil. Whatever light may have shone from me is now grown dim and somber. As the glow dims the demons and fell creatures cluster upon its edges and whisper their insidious half-truths. Robed in shadows they incessantly flap their baleful pinions. These fiends call my name, my own personal familiars. They draw in close now; they know there is no hope for me. The strength of their numbers and the poison of their lies has cracked my brittle skin. Already the noxious cloud is seeping forth. In the wake of the receding luminesence they dash forward, lashing at my exposed skin. My unanswered screams give them reason to laugh harder and swing their scourges swifter. The pain causes fissures to spread and widen throughout my frail skin. I scream as the anguish flows through me and claw at what should rightly be flesh and hair and alive. Bitter self-hatred fires my brain and heart and the pressure builds within me. With the wretched power of hate the brittle glass of my skin is twisted into flesh. Hard scales and great horns spiked my new flesh and bile flows through my veins. Every moment of metamorphosis is an agony of pleasure. To feel anything is sweet even if it is this horrid concoction that devours me. I scream as fire fills my limbs and the demons laugh in triumph. Another soul harvested to feed the slavering host of hell. Abrahm Simons "It doesn't matter if we turn to dust Turn and turn and turn we must I guess I'll see you dancing in the ruins" - Blue Oyster Cult [This message has been edited by Dusk Treader (edited 02-04-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Abrahm Simons - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Wow... chilling and disturbing picute you paint here, Abe. It's painted beautifully, however. Thanks for sharing.  "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Very intense Abe.. I like it...and it IS scary. Robed in shadows they incessantly flapping should this be flap? their baleful pinions |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
Wow, what vivid imagry. I realy got the feeling of helplesness and anguish. Wonderful writing. Keith every day is a new day with which we can change the world |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
LOL. About time you get a story up. I've had withdrawl! LOL. Great job Abe. Loved the images.. though they scared poor little cassers. Nicely done! "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other course, no other way... No day but today" ~Broadway Musical RENT~ *Cassandra Roseen* |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Some powerful images you have here, love. Well written, it's nice to see some of your talent up on the boards again! Now keep it up!  *Krista Knutson* I'm a slow dying flower In a frost-killing hour The sweet turning sour and untouchable... -Natalie Merchant |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Thank you all for reading and replying to my piece. Hopefully I can do something a little better next time, I just need to get my muse to let me, LOL   Hehehe, I love that smile...Abrahm Simons "It doesn't matter if we turn to dust Turn and turn and turn we must I guess I'll see you dancing in the ruins" - Blue Oyster Cult |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Very intense, vivid, and intricate. Wonderfully written prose and impressive descriptive skills. Small suggestions... Consider adding some commas to help us follow your train of thought. There's a lot in there to digest without some breaks. Eg. "As the glow dims, the demons and fell creatures cluster upon its edges...." Also, check the tenses of some of your verbs to make sure they agree with their subjects. For instance, "Whatever light may have shone from me is [do you mean 'has' or are you being poetic?] now grown dim and somber." One last thing... You described the skin several times, and you might want to cut down on this, allowing us to focus on what's happening to the skin. Know what I mean? All in all, this was very well written. It reminded me a bit of Lord of the Rings - all that fantastical imagery. This kind of narrative skill might even hint of a future writing career. =) Keep it up! Ashley [This message has been edited by Pearls_Of_Wisdom (edited 02-10-2001).] |
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Midnight Dew Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 50Forest Lake, MN |
Hey Abe, beautiful piece, I really loved it. The dark language was beautiful and truly poetic. I love reading your pieces! ~Caitlin Hull~ "The Holy Spirit makes up all our souls, and when it 'flexes' it makes us do great things." |
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