The View from Dörre Street (Harsh critique needed!)

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LoveBug

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since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

0 posted 2001-02-01 11:45 PM

I'm entering this story in a statewide contest, and I'd really like some harsh (but constructive) criticism. This is really long, but please read! Thanks!

We were married on a warm summer day in 1931; shortly after the time the nation began to listen to a short, funny-looking man who thought the only way to get his strange point across was to scream into the radio microphone. Rolf and I thought nothing of this man on our wedding day. The nation was in a depression, and the times were hard, but we still managed to have a decent wedding. It would be nothing compared to what our families would have expected before the Great War, however. We, along with our nation, had fallen a long way since the days of the Kaiser. None of this was in our minds, however, as we married in that cathedral in Munich. In spite of the hard times, our future together seemed as bright as the summer sun that poured in through the stained-glass windows. We had no idea of the things that were to come.

Our families lived in the countryside, but Rolf and I decided to move into a small town house on Dörre Street. It wasn’t as fancy as the homes that we had grown up in, but the bedroom had a beautiful view. When you looked down, you could see everything that was going on in the street below. When you looked up, you could see the western side of the city and the beautiful green hills beyond. It was the perfect place to watch the sunset. Rolf worked for a businessman, keeping up his books, and we lived far below the standards we were used to. Being able to look out of that window and watching the sunset, however, was enough to make anyone forget about the hard times.

The people in that area of town were mostly lower middle-class, slightly better off than we. They were all quick to befriend us, especially the old couple across the street. The Kazburgs owned one of the few businesses on Dörre Street, a bakery. Old Mrs. Kazburg was the first one who welcomed me to the street, inviting me over for a cup of tea.

“You have a beautiful tea set. It reminds me of when I was a girl, before the Great War,” I said with a sigh, still not free from longing of the old times.

“Yes, it’s the only thing I have left of the old times.” Mrs. Kazburg said, although there was no longing in her voice. “I was born of noble blood. My family owned one of the greatest estates in northern Germany. That house probably had hundreds of tea sets like this” she said with a chuckle.

“I was betrothed to the son of another rich man, and our estates combined would be the largest in the Empire. I was almost 16, and we were preparing for the wedding when I saw Oskar. He had lived on our estate his entire life, but he worked in the kitchens and I had never seen him until he wandered away from his oven to see me in my wedding dress. I knew I loved him the moment I saw him. I knew that my parents would rather see their graves than see me married to a Jewish servant boy, so I ran away with him the day of my wedding.”

I was totally enchanted by this beautiful story of love. Mrs. Kazburg took a moment to pour herself another cup of tea, and then she continued.

“During the Great War, we had plenty of hard times, but we always had each other. But…” tears came to her eyes before she said, “my family’s estate was burned. My father and brothers were killed, I know, but my sisters may have escaped.” She gained her composure before saying “You see, love always leads you our of harm’s way. There are many people who will disagree with this, but I know, my child. I have lived it”

Needless to say, there would be many more teas with Mrs. Kazburg.

The view from my window was always changing. As the trees of Dörre Street began to shed their leaves in brilliant hues of red and orange in the year of 1940, the country sunk deeper into the pit it had dug itself. I watched as the people of my country began to be pulled deeper into the mind of this madman. Respected Jewish people were suddenly isolated, and it was no longer rare to see the windows broken out of the Kazburg’s home, the word “Jude” painted all over the building. After awhile, Mr. Kazburg didn’t bother to repair the windows. He merely boarded them up against the cold wind. No boards could keep out the coldness of the hearts that surrounded them, though.

I still remember the last conversation I had with Mrs. Kazburg. It was the winter of that year, and I was well advanced with my second child. The entire city was covered in snow, and the cold wind blew all around, chilling us all to the bone. Mrs. Kazburg had come to visit me before the child was to be born, and she spoke of the nation.

“It doesn’t matter to them that I pray to Jesus Christ and Holy Mary. Even if it did make a difference, I would never leave my Oskar, although he begs me to flee each day. Do you remember what I said the first time we spoke, child? Love always leads you out of harm’s way. We have gone through everything together, and nobody can tear us apart, not even that madman”.

I walked over to the window, and looked down on Dörre Street. Everything was dead, and buried in white. The moon wasn’t out, and I had never seen the world so dark. The hills in the distance that were once so green were only dark shadows that lurked in the distance, seeming to wait for an opportunity to strike. The world was frozen, encased in the coldness and hate that our country couldn’t escape.

“Look, Mrs. Kazburg. It seems as if the winter will never pass,” I said. “Our nation is frozen in hate, and nobody seems to realize it!”

Mrs. Kazburg stood beside me, and looked out on Dörre Street for a moment before she said, “This is a harsh winter, my child. The sky is dark and the life seems to be dead. Nothing is dead, though, it is only hidden. It is like the goodness of our people. It is there, but it is hidden by the cold nature of one man. Spring will come, though. Winter can never last very long. The sun will come out, and turn the sky from black to blue. Its gentle warmth will melt the snow, and the life will come back to the nation. We will thrive and become green and beautiful again. All we have to do is live through the winter. We can only shield ourselves from…” she stopped suddenly and looked down. My heart fell to the floor as I heard the sirens of the Gestapo vehicles.

“Mrs. Kazburg, stop!” I cried as she rushed for the door. She shoved my hand away, though, and ran out into the street. The Gestapo were in their house, surely plundering everything in sight. I stood at the window, frozen in horror, as they pulled Mr. Kazburg out of his house by his white hair. He was bloodied and bruised, and my heart turned to see him like that. Mrs. Kazburg ran to him, but was kicked down as soon as she got hold of his hand.

“Leave her alone!” cried Mr. Kazburg. “She’s not a Jew, she’s a Christian!”

The Gestapo ignored his pleas, though, and began to beat them with a ferocity that I had never seen. They were innocent people! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing from that window on Dörre Street. I still don’t know why I didn’t make a move to save them. Perhaps I was also trapped under the ice of the madman. I will never know…

After awhile, the leader motioned for the rest to back off.

“You’ve killed them, you idiots!” he cried!

“Oh well,” said one of the others. “The only good Jew is a dead Jew! They would have been gassed as soon as the reached the camp, anyway. We just made more room for others.”

They got into their vehicles and drove off, leaving the Kazburgs together in the snow. I ran out into the street then, and I still couldn’t believe that it was the blood of the Kazburgs that stained the snow that winter night. In spite of the terrible attack, Mrs. Kazburgs hand was still clasped over that of her husbands. She said that nobody could tear them apart, and she was right. “I thought you said that love would always lead you from harms way!”, I thought. “Oh Mrs. Kazburg, you always believed that there was life under the snow. Do you believe it still? Could goodness be hibernating in the men that just killed you like a dog in the street? Could it be in me, the one who looked on as you were being killed” I sunk to my knees and wept. A neighbor woman came out and took me into my house before I caught my death of cold. The last thing I saw before she lead me away was the broken tea set lying shattered in a snow bank.

The view from my window on Dörre Street was always changing, and the most glorious change came on a beautiful day in May of 1945; the day the sun finally came out over Munich. There were some that mourned over the loss, but most of us were glad to see that the spring had finally come.

“Yes Mrs. Kazburg,” I thought, “spring did come, just like you said it would. The sun has come out, and the sky is a beautiful shade of blue. The tender shoots of green are springing up all over the earth, and the dogwood is blooming. The white petals cover the street, but they are nothing like the snow that covered this street during the winter. The ice and snow have melted away, and the goodness of our nation is beginning to bloom again. Sure, there may be some frost and some dark nights, but the sun will always rise each morning, promising a warmer day than the one before.”

I looked out at the sunset from my window on Dörre Street. The sun was sinking behind the newly green hills, and the sun’s ways touched everything, and no shadows lurked in the corners. It was a beautiful spring day…

My only sorrow was that so many would never its coming.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav

[This message has been edited by LoveBug (edited 02-01-2001).]

Elizabeth

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since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

1 posted 2001-02-02 01:54 PM

Erica, this is great! I love the plot and the metaphors. The only thing that I would change is that you started out talking about the wedding and Rolf, but he wasn't involved in the story that much. Maybe you could make Rolf one of the main characters....other than that, I can't think of anything else.

Wonderful work!