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The Monster In My Closet
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The Monster In My Closet |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
There is a monster in my closet. Of course, there is nothing very spectacular about that fact, except that I am thirty-two years old. I am thirty-two years old and I am still afraid of the monster in my closet. It has changed its shape a little over the years, to be sure, but it has always been there and probably always will be. It lives in the dark, hiding, as all normal monsters do and only comes out on black, lonely, starless nights and peers down at my sleeping face from its great purply height. How do I know it's there, you might ask smugly, if it only comes out when I am asleep? You might ask that question of me, but if you do, you clearly do not have a monster of your own to contend with. I know it's there. Oh, I know all to well. Life would be so much easier if I didn't. Am I insane? No, not really. Not any more than you are, if that says anything. Most of the time, I actually live a so-called normal life. I stared blankly at my computer screen, blinking to moisten my dry contacts and aching eyes. I had never liked office buildings, yet here I was, working in one, day after day after day. The air in the building was as stale and lifeless as its occupants, most of whom hated their jobs as I did, but not quite enough to quit. I twirled a pen between my fingers nervously and squinted at the clock across the grey room. Great, it was only 2:30 and that meant four more hours of work. I cursed the clock and began to wonder if, when no one was looking, my boss had set it back an hour. I supposed that would be illegal, but the whole world was corrupt anyway, right? I had seen therapists off and on over the years, but could never bring myself to tell even them about the monster in my closet. Consequently, they could do nothing to help me and I gave up seeing them after a while. In the meantime, the monster grew in size and gained in power. I became afraid to go to sleep at night. I tried taking vacations, but it was no use: the monster followed me wherever I went. Did my friends support me through this difficult time? Are you kidding? My friends didn't know! Actually, come to think of it, they didn't really know or want to know who I really was. They discussed makeup and movies and men and I pretended to be interested. They probably only spent time with me because they felt sorry for me, anyway. A few days later, I came into work as usual, not knowing that something of momentous proportions was about to happen to me. "Dolores?" I heard a man's voice say. "Yes?" I looked up, smiling brightly at my short, round boss, whom I loathed. "Can I see you in my office, please?" "Right away?" I asked stupidly. "Yes, right away, please." I watched Melvin slink back to his office and finally forced myself to follow him. "I will make myself brief. Dolores, the company is making some cut-backs, and you, as well as a few others, are being laid off." I looked at him uncomprehendingly. I had never been fired before. After that, my monster really had fun with me. I was depressed and anxious and couldn't sleep at night. I didn't return my friends' or family's phone calls and had not left the house for three weeks. I barely ate anything, being too apathetic and despondent to cook much, and I certainly didn't clean. Who cares? I thought. No one will miss me if I'm gone. Hell, I wouldn't even miss me if I were gone. In fact, I'd feel rather relieved with myself out of the way. There would be one less failure in the world, one less sniveling, self-pitying loser. With this in mind, one night I did the unthinkable. It was three in the morning and I had not slept out of fear of the monster. Then it occurred to me that if I was going to kill myself, what did I have to be afraid of? There was nothing worse than death that I knew of. I got up out of bed and turned on the light. Squaring my shoulders, I walked solder-like to the closet door. I swallowed hard and tried not to hyper-ventilate. I grasped the door handle tightly and flung the doors open, my eyes wide and frightened. There before me stood the monster I had feared, ignored, hidden and run from my entire life and only now had the courage to face. I was looking in the mirror. [This message has been edited by Pearls_Of_Wisdom (edited 01-16-2001).] |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
=( Is anyone going to reply? I don't want to get lost in the "topics from the last 30 days" file! Any comments would be greatly appreciated. |
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nona Member
since 2000-03-03
Posts 139Fla |
At last you found your monster! Too bad more people can't seem to find their's. Now you can get on with your life and know it is ok to just be you. You are a great person, you are unique, a one of a kind...but you need to know that of yourself before others can see it too..Glad to know you hope to get to know you better......nona |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi nona! Thanks for reading and commenting. Actually, it's not about me per se, but I guess I did have a realization or moment like this a few years ago. Did you see the ending coming at all? Did you think it would end differently? Ashley |
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Midnight Dew Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 50Forest Lake, MN |
This was a really great read. I might just be dense, but I did not see the ending coming at all. It was really interesting and it made me think. It's so true in many different ways, I think anyway, that it can apply to almost anyone. Thanks so much for sharing it. ~Caitlin Hull~ "The Holy Spirit makes up all our souls, and when it 'flexes' it makes us do great things." Like write! |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Midnight Dew, Well, you're very welcome. Thank YOU for reading it! This one I actually wrote for a Writer's Craft exam. We had to pick a topic from about 4 or 5 options and just write a story in a little over an hour. Tbis one really took on a life of its own and I was very pleased. I'm thinking about trying to get it published. Anyone have an idea of what magazine it would work well in? I'm kind of stumped, but I'll look through the Writer's Market and see what I can come up with. |
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
I believe very much that we are our own worst nightmares. We are all little (or big) monsters. You portrayed this very well. Thank you for the write. every day is a new day with which we can change the world |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Thanks Wesley the Blue! I guess the trick is learning how not to be a monster to yourself. And realizing that you have been in the past is always the first step. Thnaks for reading and replying! |
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Suzanne Arlene Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 377Ontario, Canada |
That was a really good story. I enjoyed reading it very much and no i didn't see the ending coming either. good job Suzanne |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Thanks Suzanne! Boy, it's so exciting to be so popular around here! ha ha ha ha... =) Ashley |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Pearls, I didn't see it coming. I loved how you made the monster so real! I really enjoyed this. You certainly have a gift for prose from what I've read of yours here. Joy |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
JOY14, Oh boy! A fan!!! Thank you so much for the compliments! =) This is probably my favorite story of mine. So you thought the monster seemed real? In what way? How did you picture it? Or do you mean the internal monster was easy to relate to? (Hope you don't mind me prodding a bit further.) Incidentally, I am considering a writing career. In the near future, though, I want to try to get some of my work published. Anyway, thanks again! When I get a minute, I'll read some of your work. Ashley [This message has been edited by Pearls_Of_Wisdom (edited 02-10-2001).] |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
WOW WOW WOW! That was awesome. This is great. You did a WONDERFUL job.  |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Greeneyes617, Boy, that was the most enthusiastic reply yet! =) Thanks a ton. Ashley |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Ashley, I liked the monster because I didn't know what it was. Questions in my mind since the begining. Is it a figment of her imagination? A struggle to face? A real life monster? Go for the writing career! Keep at it because you've got it.  Smiles.Joy |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Joy, Thanks so much for your kindness and suppport. I really appreciate it. Whenever I get a rejection slip (I'm sure there are bound to be more than one) I will go to this site and read all the nice things people like you have said. =) Ashley |
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