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Wilfred Yeats
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since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware

0 posted 2001-01-12 03:01 PM


These exist somewhere in that limbo between prose and poetry - I am assuming this is the best forum - If I'm overruled - I will happily see them shifted -
What I attempted to do here was write a pair of vignettes to see how well I could write on "loss" from both the Male AND the female Point of view.

Your views will be most appreciated.

Loss (Male POV)

He watched the monitors
Saw the steady blips cross the screen
The regular drip of the IV
Heard the labored breathing
Felt an anguish he'd never known

Her eyes closed, her color pale
The doctor said "Just a matter of time"
He wanted a miracle that would not come
He wavered between wishing it would be quick
And hoping consciousness would return
That she could feel his hand in hers
Return the pressure
Hear again his "I love you"

He prayed, as he'd never prayed before:
"God, you know what I want;
You know I want her back
But if you can't give me that
Be merciful. Oh God - Please!"

The monitor stopped
The nurse rushed in
"I'm sorry"
He clung to the door jam
Wondering what he'd tell the children
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loss - Female POV

She was watching the television
When the doorbell rang
She expected instead his key in the lock
She looked through the window
A policeman, his car parked in the drive
"Oh God no!" she thought
And her knees were weak

"Mrs. Jones?"
"Yes"
"There's been a bad accident"
"Is he hurt" she asked, hope against hope
"May I come in?"
The fear rose in her like bile in her throat
Speechless, she opened the door wider
And stepped back, holding the door for support.
"I'm Sergeant O'Malley
Highway Patrol
I think we should sit down"
She led him to a chair
Her mouth refusing to work
She wanted to sit
Ask questions
Could just stand there

He sat, waited for her to sit
Finally she sat -on the edge of the chair
"As near as we can determine
Your husband had a heart attack
While driving on the interstate.
He apparently tried to reach the shoulder
But was rammed by a truck
That couldn't avoid him
The car was totaled
But before he could be pried out
He died from cardiac arrest"

She heard the words
"This can't be my husband"
She thought:
"He's been in perfect health
He runs every morning
Stays trim, eats right
Doesn't smoke."
She said:
"Why do you think it was heart attack?"
"Well ma'am
I don't know
But the EMT people are pretty smart
And that's what they said"

He continued to talk
She partially heard
Details...
Her mind was that morning
Waking early
Making love
Breakfast
His close relationship with their daughter
His unique smell
What would she tell her
How will she take it
Is she old enough to tell

Then she heard
"Mrs. Jones
Mrs. Jones
Mrs. Jones!
Is there someone I can call for you?"

The bell rings again
The door still open
Mrs. Smith there
"Hi Mary,
come in"
"Thank you Sargent
I think I'll be alright."
And she sits numbly on the edge of the chair



Great souls have wills; feeble ones have only wishes.

~ Chinese Proverb ~


© Copyright 2001 Wilfred Yeats - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
1 posted 2001-01-12 06:46 PM


These were perfect vignettes sir. Had me teary eyed from the beginning. Very clear writing too.  
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2001-01-12 08:31 PM


I find it distinctly interesting that the male POV was much shorter than the female POV...is it because a woman will talk of loss and the grief thereafter; and a man will mostly remain silent in his well of grief?

But the pain remains the same, does it not?

Mr. Yeats...thank you for this gift....

Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2001-01-13 12:04 PM


Bill--Grief is such an individual thing...although the stages are human, I think, and not differentiated by gender.  No one really knows how another or themselves will react to it, until it happens.  This is an interesting and well done look at two points of view.
LoveBug
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since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

4 posted 2001-01-14 01:01 PM


2 very sad points of view. They were very well-written, however. You do a wonderful job of making us feel the sorrow.



"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2001-07-08 04:10 PM





LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

6 posted 2001-07-09 07:00 PM


We ALL feel this loss... RIP, my friend. Live on through your writing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

7 posted 2001-07-09 08:05 PM


Rest in peace, sweet precious poet
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