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The Metallic Green Kind
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The Metallic Green Kind |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas 
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The Metallic Green Kind by Wesley James Beard, Jr. The long, shiny black, limousine parked outside Baylors Funeral Home absorbed the noon sun's burning rays like a sponge that has been too long out of water. The short, balding, wide-girthed man, Jim Hansel, sitting behind the steering wheel tapping his fingers in time to a fast paced country tune, wiped his sweaty forehead and muttered something about the heat and "wish they'd get a cottonpickin' move on in there!" A fly, one of the metallic green kind that you see on dead animals, cow dung and just outside Mable's Place over on First Street where the drunks pee on the sign advertising Hot Roast Beef Poboys, Red Beans/rice, Cold Beer, soft drinks and pool, flew in the open door, buzzed around the back of the hearse a few times, then drew a bead on Jim Hansel's left ear lobe. Just before it landed Hansel swatted at the buzzing near his ear, and swatted at it several more times as it circled his head. The fly, irritated by all the swatting, zipped into the back hearse again, circled once, the quickly buzzed back to land on the lip of Hansel's ear canal. Hansel smacked his left ear sharply, knocking the stunned and wildly buzzing fly deep into his ear. "Son-of-a-biscuiteater," he yelped, and jumped from the car, his little finger digging into his left ear. "My gosh! What's the matter, Jim?" Asked six-foot, gaunt, thick haired Charlie Wilks as he was almost knocked over by Hansel's leap from the limo. "Got a god-forsaken FLY in my ear," Hansel shouted back while dancing in little circles and beating on the side of his head. "Jim!" Mister Edward Tunney Baylor himself stood just outside the chapel's entrance dressed in the same black coat, pants, shoes, tie and white shirt as Hansel and Charlie, " how many times do I have to tell you to watch your mouth?" "Aw, Tunney!" Hansel yelped maliciously, knowing full well how much Mister Baylor resented being called Tunney. "If you had a frigging fly raising seven kinds of hell in your ear, you'd be cussin' too!" At that moment, either fortuitously or by the pounding on his head and the digging in his ear, the green metallic type fly finally flew out of Hansel's ear, circled his head several times as if defying him to try and hit it, then took off to wherever green metallic flies go. Mister Edward Tunney Baylor's eyes pierced Hansel's own, and in a voice straight from hell he said, "I'll see you in my office when our duties have been completed." And without waiting for a reply, he spun on his heel, entered the chapel, and slammed the door behind him. "Oh boy, you've done it now," said Charlie. " Aw, go suck my thumb!" answered Hansel savagely as he got back in the limo, adjusted the steering wheel, and turned the radio up as loud as he could. "Tunney can be such a prick!" jwesley - I've edited out a small portion of your post, since the guidelines state that profanity masked by asterisks is still considered profanity. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to contact me at christopher@countlesshorizons.com. ~Christopher [This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 12-16-2000).] |
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