»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
The Story Of My Life (chapter 2)
| Passions in Prose |
|
The Story Of My Life (chapter 2) |
|
Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! 
|
NOTE In order to better understand this chapter you should read the first chapter which can be found here... /pip/Forum15/HTML/000943.html Chapter 2 I once believed in fairy tales, a long , long time ago. That Humpty Dumpty could be put back together again and Cinderella and Prince Charming lived happily ever after, but sometime during my life I learned a few things. Maybe it was the first time I had my heart broken or maybe the second or perhaps even the third, but in any case I learned for certain that not all fairy tales have a happy ending. When I found myself torn between the vows that I had made to a woman I thought I would love forever and the woman who taught me what real love is, the guilt was truly overwhelming. It wasn't so much that I was hurting her as it was that my kids would be hurt in the process. I knew deep down in my heart that what I had done was wrong, yet it was something that I felt I had to do. I had to know the truth. I had to know if what I felt during our conversations over the phone and on line was real or if it was just another fantasy. I mean it is very easy to say "I love you" when you are four hundred miles from each other, but I don't think you can really feel love for someone unless you meet them and get to know them face to face. When I returned from Memphis my wife met me at the door and kissed me and said " I missed you." I lied and told her I missed her too. All the time I was thinking of Kate, the woman I had left back in Memphis, and the wonderful time I had with her. I went about the business of everyday life pretending that everything was as it was supposed to be. All is well in camelot. But all was not well. Not by a long shot. I would make love to my wife and fantisize about making love to Kate. Always afraid I'd say the wrong name while doing so. Did I feel guilty for having the thoughts I had? Yes, I most certainly did. My wife didn't deserve to be treated with such disrespect. She had always been a good wife. A decent lover and a wonderful mother to our children. I mean, she had her faults but we all have faults. So why was I doing this knowing that it would hurt her? Why was I giving up such a wonderful woman? I asked myself this question a thousand times and the answer was always the same. Life is too short to settle for anything less than true unconditional love. The kind of love that I felt for Kate. Even though I knew Kate was married with three children and we may never be able to have the kind of relationship that I so desperately longed for I did love her unconditionally and without regret. If she had asked me for the moon I would have sold my soul to the devil to give it to her. This went on for another four months, the pretending, the phone calls from the pay-phone at the local convenience store, the secret letters mailed from work, before I finally packed my things into the car and drove away from the only family I had ever really known. Watching the tears in their eyes as I drove away was pure Hell on earth. Especially the tears of my oldest son Michael. He was seven at the time and didn't understand why Daddy was leaving him and Mommy. It still brings tears to these eyes just thinking about it. He ran a few feet after the car as I drove away and I almost turned the car around. I cried for most of the first two hours of the trip and once had to stop the car on the side of the road because I couldn't see to drive through the tears. This time the trip took a little more than eight and a half hours. It was closer to ten. It was a quarter past midnight when I pulled into the the tiny parking lot of the Ramada Inn. < !signature--> Wise man say "Those who live in the past let the future sneak up on them" and "Make each moment count, it could be your last" [This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 11-04-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
And Chapter 3 is coming when? Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, then speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
||
|
Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Oh, God, this is tearing me up! Keep writing. "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."" Laurie Lee Kathleen |
||
|
Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Thank you Karilea and Kathleen, Karilea, Chapter 3 is on the way soon! Kathleen, I am touched to know that my writing could affect anyone....makes me happy I wrote this  |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
ouch -  C |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
