»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
The Beach
| Passions in Prose |
|
The Beach |
|
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
As she sat on the beach, she thought about her family. Could her husband live without her? Would her daughter remember her? She wished she could stay here longer...but He would be coming for her soon. She sat and watched the sun descend into it's blanketed horizon. She watched the harsh oranges and blues turn to soft reds, pinks and purples. The puffy clouds arranged like giant soldiers to salute the setting of the sun. The gentle waves played taps as teh sun continued it's unhurried descent. Her mind took her back to her old house in the hills...the many nights she'd sit in the branches of the old oak tree and watch the sun set. She loved that old tree. Her father had told her it was older than the house...She giggled. She had never believed him. That house had to be hundreds of years old. Trees never lasted that long. Then her mind flashed to the day she met her husband. She was so shy, that he barely knew she existed until the fateful day she met him in the college library. His dark hair and green eyes had lured her into his loving arms, and there she had stayed. Their wedding was a beautiful one. She didn't have money for a dress, so she and her mother-in-law to be made one for her. She would never forget the look on her husband's face when she walked down the aisle...pure love and adoration.... Her mind took her again to the day their beautiful daughter was born..she would never forget the soft bundle of joy she held in her arms...the tiny hands gripping her finger with gentle strength..Oh how she wished she could be back home with her little girl! A sound brought her to the present. She turned her head at the sound of her name. He was walking toward her! He had come for her! She was so happy to see him, she stood up and ran into his open arms! She stared into the eyes that held nothing but love for her. He took her hand, and led her to her new home..... "She's gone" the doctor said. "The nurse pulled the sheet over the old woman's smiling face. "Record the time of death." Yes, doctor." |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Lavada Miller - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
The end was good, i saw something bad comming, but i wasn't certain... This sounds...um...kinda...well...uh, like some fantasy...well, everything up to the death part...*laughs nervously*. Well, regardless to it's inspiration, it was yummy! |
||
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
thanks deranger..your reply means much! Did it have enough imagery? Was it really good????? ~*~SCG~*~ |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I liked the ending too. I was actually anticipating something more predictable but was pleased at the little surprise at the ending. Nice work. Jim |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I'll echo Jim here - what I expected wasn't what occured.  Chris |
||
|
tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Yes this was an unexpected ending...but a good one. You provided excellent imagery in this and I was kept interested throughout...well done Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
||
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
cool...everyone actually liked it! I'm so proud!  I'll have to get sudhir over here...~*~SCG~*~ "Poetry is what makes the invisible appear"-Unknown |
||
|
Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
great story! I hope to see more from you in the future! I should really get over here more often! "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other course, no other way... No day but today" ~Broadway Musical RENT~ *Cassandra Roseen* |
||
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
Thanks Dawn. I hope to write more short stories in the future also! ~*~SCG~*~ |
||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a great little story. I loved the part where she goes into a flashback. The part where she's talking to her father about the oak tree. It seemed to peaceful. The whole story was this peaceful, relaxing great story. It made me smile. Even though the ending is sad, it's good to know she went to the next level with love.  "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
||
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
Thanks dopey...your reply means much!!! ~*~SCG~*~ |
||
|
Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
I really liked your story, I'm amazed at how much you were able to pack into so few words! Great unexpected conclusion! |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Beautifully written, with great flow...held my interest from beginning to that great ending. |
||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a great story! You make death seem so gentle and kind, which I believe it is. I can't wait to see more! "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Good one!!!I liked it. I thought this story was clear like I could see it. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
||
|
fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
You needn't worry about the imagery. The mixture of imagery and simile made for a really interesting and dramatic read. "The puffy clouds arranged like giant soldiers to salute the setting of the sun." Stuff like this makes the story really nice to read. I could see the sunset with clouds dotting the sky, almost looking toward the sun, very vividly here. THe rest of the story was also very good. You used some really good metaphores. |
||
|
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I must say that I didn't expect that ending either! Keep it up!  |
||
|
sweetcollege_girl Senior Member
since 1999-12-03
Posts 872just about where I want to be |
Thanks everone! Gee! I didn't know it was that good! Thanks again for the replies! It meant much! ~*~SCG~*~ |
||
|
Maverick Wolf Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 94Scandia, MN |
Great write. I liked the story and I loved the ending. It was a great twist. Look forward to seeing more to come. Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why they call it the present. |
||
|
jytree Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 336omaha ark usa |
you scare me that is all Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way there mysel |
||
|
kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
Oh I am in agreement with everyone else. I loved this story. The ending was great. |
||
|
Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi SCG, I thought I'd check this one out because it seemed so popular! I too enjoyed the surprise ending. Maybe I'm a wierdo, but I thought maybe her husband had become abusive or something and she had run away. I guess that's how I interpreted the sense of anticipation you conveyed. I liked your ending a lot better that the one I was expecting. I guess when writers focus you in on all kinds of nice, peaceful things happening, they're often setting you up for the opposite. The imagery and description was a nice touch. You used just the right amount, in my opinion. After getting to the end, I noticed that the story starts with a sunset. Did you intend this to be symbolic of a phase ending, i.e. her death? Whether you intended it or not, it worked very nicely. Great job. Can I ask why you switched to such a sterile feeling about death at the end? For contrast, or are we to assume she was in the hospital dreaming the whole scene? Just wondering. Ashley |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
