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(Excerpt from current chapter 19 )
| Passions in Prose |
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(Excerpt from current chapter 19 ) |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware 
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(I mentioned I was writing a novel in Open #10 and interest was expressed - here's a taste - i would love critical comment) Scene: Joe & Mary on a date, it is about 1 AM- (after about 5 weeks of dating -POV is Mary's) Looking in her purse Mary sees her toothbrush and fresh panties. "I wonder if Joe knows what I'm thinking" she grins to herself. I'm acting like a wanton Woman; I've never 'planned' such an attack before. What if he really doesn't want to?" Joe says "I know an 'all night diner that's pretty good, are you hungry?" Mary thinks, "He's hungry" and says "I've a better idea - we're near your place - we'll go there - and I'll cook you something" Joe brightens "I'll go that one better: I'll cook YOU something!" Mary frowns slightly afraid of what gastronomic disaster he may concoct. Joe looks and says, "Actually I'm a very good cook." Mary relaxes a bit as they pull up to Joe's house. Joe pays his sitter and she trots across the street to her house. He takes Mary's coat. "Make yourself at home, if you want to freshen up, the bath is at the top of the stairs, Alicia sleeps in the room on the left so try not to wake her" Mary smiles -gives him a peck on the cheek and says "I'll be right back - and give you a hand" and ascends the stairs She notices the place is clean and neat and wonders how much that is a reflection of Joe or Alecia, maybe Joe because of Alecia. The bathroom gives off the scent of Irish Spring soap and the same musky scent Joe wears on their dates so lightly it is almost gone in the first half-hour. Mary is done fixing hair and face in moments and avoiding Alicia's closed door looks left. On the right Joe's bedroom (the bed is made!) and on the left a study, a sofa bed is against the left wall. She sees a large computer desk on the right, polished golden oak. She smells lemon polish, oak and something she can't quite define. Thinking it is some combination of printer ink, and unscented Joe and a bit of Alecia. Mary looks at the bookcase and the CD rack confirming Joe's taste. The smell of onions being sautéed drifts up from downstairs and she quietly hurries down till she is in sight then more noisily enters the kitchen. She sees Joe slicing Italian sausage into 2-inch lengths and a green pepper on the counter. "You can cut up the pepper into short thin strips if you like" says Joe and she does. A pan of tomato sauce just beginning to warm catches her eye before her nose, and she sees Joe pour a bit of red wine into the sauce and into the sauté pan. "We're ready for the Pepper " Joe says as he adds the sausage to the pan. He reaches for another frying pan and seasons it before adding some butter. The aromas of the kitchen and this man are beginning to reach Mary's inner core and she feels a tightness in her chest along with a moistness below. Joe seems so intent with some hash brown potatoes he doesn't see her behind him. Mary wraps her arms around his waist presses her hands against his chest and molds herself to him, head against his back. Joe feels her breasts, feels her groin against his butt, drops his knife, turns the burners way down, and turns to give her a deeply satisfying kiss. "We don't have to eat right away you know" Joe offers. ~You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning. ~ Billy Wilder |
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| © Copyright 2000 Wilfred Yeats - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
LOL! A teasing introduction! You've played this part up just enough to make the reader know what's likely to happen next, but curious if it actually will! Cool deal Wilfred! Christopher |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
Christopher- This wasn't really meant as a tease - (it is after all chapter 19) but to see if my fictional style had any merit - besides 'Sunshine' assured me she wanted to read - (Where is she? ~G~) Anyhow I take it you liked - Thank you |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Mr. Yeats...because you said I could...here you go, a couple of days early...and strictly IMHO...thanks! *** Looking in her purse Mary sees her toothbrush and fresh panties. "I wonder if Joe knows what I'm thinking," and grins to herself. "I'm acting like a wanton Woman; I've never 'planned' such an attack before. What if he really doesn't want to? Joe says, "I know an all night diner that's pretty good, are you hungry?" Mary thinks, "He's starved," and says "I've a better idea - we're near your place - we'll go there - and I'll cook you something" Joe brightens "I'll go that one better: I'll cook YOU something!" Mary frowns slightly afraid of what gastronomic disaster he may concoct. Joe notices the wrinkled brown and says, almost apologetically, "Actually I'm a very good cook." Mary smiles, relaxes a bit and they soon pull up in front of Joe's house. Joe pays his sitter and watches from the front door to see her safely home, as she trots across the street to her house. He takes Mary's coat. "Make yourself at home. If you want to freshen up, the bath is at the top of the stairs. Alicia sleeps in the room on the left, so try not to wake her." Mary smiles up at his grin, gives him a peck on the cheek and says "I'll be right back - and give you a hand" and ascends the stairs. She quickly notices the place is clean and neat, and wonders how much that is a reflection of Joe or Alicia, and probably more Joe, because of Alicia. The bathroom gives off the scent of Irish Spring soap and the same musk scent Joe wears on their dates, the scent so light, it is almost gone in the first half-hour. Mary is done fixing her hair and face in moments, and avoids Alicia's closed door, but looks to her left. On the right is Joe's room (the bed is made!) and on the left a study, with a sofa bed also against the left wall. She sees a large computer desk on the right, gleaming, polished golden oak. She can smell the reminiscent lemon polish on the oak, and something she can't quite define. Thinking it is some combination of printer ink, and perhaps some unscented Joe, and a bit of Alicia, as there are powdery overtones. Mary looks at the bookcase and the CD rack confirms Joe's partiality in musicians. The smell of sautéing onion drifts up from downstairs and she quietly hurries down till she is in sight then more noisily enters the kitchen. She sees Joe slicing Italian sausage into two-inch lengths and a green pepper sits on the counter. "You can cut up the pepper into short thin strips if you like" says Joe and she joins in the preparation. A pan of tomato sauce just beginning to warm catches her eye before it reaches her nose, and she sees Joe pour a bit of red wine into the sauce and then into the sauté pan. "We're ready for the Pepper," Joe says, as he adds the sausage to the pan. He reaches for another frying pan and seasons it before adding a dab of butter. The aromas of the kitchen mingled with Joe are beginning to reach Mary's inner core. She feels a tightness in her chest along with a moistness below. Joe seems intent with the hash brown potatoes, so he doesn't see her behind him. Mary wraps her arms around his waist, presses her hands against his chest, and molds herself to him, with her head resting against his back. Joe feels the warmth of her breasts, the slight electricity of her groin against his buttocks, drops his knife, turns the burners way down, and turns to give her a deeply satisfying kiss. "We don't have to eat right away you know" Joe offers. |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
a definite improvement - Thank you ~S~ subtle but the e few words you've added clarify and don't take away - - I really like! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Anytime...I perform the same services for my attorney when he wants to submit to the state 's Bar Journal...and I enjoy the heck out of it. Glad you approve! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Bill--Love the sensory detail in this...hmmm...getting hungry, got a clear picture of what was going on from the way things looked to the way they smelled and a hint of how they were going to taste. |
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